um [ __ ] i am super super duper sunburned look you can tell because my head and my chest are two
different colors oh yeah it hurts it does it does hurt and i didn't even i didn't even have time to
like wash off the wash off the water park like it's still on me i gotta have your shower yeah
and like this was me being like you know what i'm gonna wear
a respectable one piece like the future stepmom that i am and i just won't put it out there and
then like we turn around there is there's a huge group of about like 50 like brazilian young women
like they must have been like teenage like teenage to old teenage like i think they might they might
have been all between like probably 13 and 18 it appeared like i don't know what group
they were from but they were about 50 of them and literally all of them were wearing thong bikinis
like right like i understand adults wearing song bikinis and like i even
i understand it at like a water park too because it's like not everyone is dressing
for speed like not everyone's dressing for like oh what's gonna be the best suit to wear down a slide
people are just like they're putting out the vibe they want to look hot i get it but this was like
these girls were like kind of young and then i could hear them speaking portuguese i'm like
oh okay they're brazilian all right or no it's a it's a weird time going to a water park like that
because that that's like the i guess the social etiquette now it's just a look like you're ready
to [ __ ] all the time if that's so i guess so i'm like don't you guys like aren't you like if your
whole ass is hanging out and you go down like a drop slide or any kind of a slide like aren't
you worried your cheeks are going to scrape because some of these slides are like sharp
some of them you know like it's just you're very exposed yeah i don't i identify with the guys that
wear full-on shirts in the in the pools you know like i get that i like the old school
like 20s swimsuit you know you know like i bring up the brazilians because i feel a little bit like
i don't know if resembles the right word because it's like here i am trying to be like not
professional but like demure and like cover myself and i had a one piece and i was just trying to be
like responsible and i'm like i you know i'm still cute i still got it i got two pieces now
like i was like i was like i'm not trying to be like that i'm trying to cover up and be classy and
it's like you get to the water park you're like no nobody's let me just you know you don't even like
i'm just trying to oh i don't want to show off all the goodness in front of my future stepson
uh no but then we get there and there's like [ __ ] hundreds of asses just out
like titties out and like like me and frank are laughing to each other because they're just like
it's that old like uh what's his name gilly and keeves that sketch with um
shane gillis where it's like uh as developed as they may seem they are they might not be
18 or whatever it is yeah it's like it's very catchy if you learn the rhyme but
um you know i'm brazilian but i would wear like a full-on shirt going to the beach or whatever
because this one time there was people at the beach and i was wearing the the bikinis that
have like the elastic in the bottom and then a big wave came and like hit me across the head
and the bikini went like and then i see people like like some guys like getting inching closer
and that was like the worst so like i i just wear a full [ __ ] shirt like i'm going to the
pool and i'm just wearing what i'm wearing like i just will walk in the pool and yeah i mean i
own a bikini but i i just i've never used it still has a tag on oh no time like the present
shirt i'm all for like putting it all out there i don't know it's like nobody nobody's at the
water park trying to be you know covering up for anybody else so it's like why do i
i don't know i'm old yeah yeah this is a full full salute you know but i guess it's like okay
i don't want i don't want him to see me that way so i have to cover up and take myself seriously
i don't know see i i guess i'm blessed with the luxury of not really having to deal with
any of that but it's like the if i put myself in a woman's shoes uh i would also feel weird about my
children looking at me like you know no i don't want children looking at me yeah
yeah but like your whole like their whole asses they were in thongs
like imagine 50 girls in thongs walking by you in a line for a slide and there's just
nowhere you can look other than into the eye of the storm you know i don't know you can't not look
that's affordable oh [ __ ] but like okay so is it volcano bay today and universal and this
is what happens oh my god it's bad how did it not get your neck though or like do you
have makeup on your neck too because the sun is up in the sky and it was like coming down
like that so my ch and we were literally walking like i was literally on my feet the whole day we
all were and so my neck was protected by my chin so then just it just came straight down
and now i'm going to have old lady titties did anybody else get burnt um prank a little bit on
his face but again he's italian so he's built for sun exposure he's built different and like
here i am like putting the zinc like putting the sunblock like all over his kid's face like i was
very on point about that but like myself just clearly couldn't care less so i have like a red
this is gross i don't know what to do and my arms are probably also does it hurt yeah yeah uh it
just feels warm which is like kind of comforting it feels kind of like i don't get something
i have some green goo in a jar but i also like i also haven't showered from the water park either
so i have like i look like i have my classic rain dawn look so uh or green and urine all over you
then uh i know and it's definitely mine because i did pee in the lazy river a couple times what's
cool about volcano bay is that there's a lazy river and there's also a crazy river which you
this this water brook is sick like if you're into water parks definitely come to volcano bay you
don't need a tube and you but you do they do make you wear a little like a little life vest and then
you just float like a freaking corpse through the lazy river and it pushes you through fast there's
like waves like you could drown you could probably drown like if you like got turned around or like
i don't know or just if you took your like vast off in or a bad sweater swimmer you could totally
drown um what's awesome is that like when you're walking around like you have this little um buzzer
thing and you like beep it into like let's say you want to go on this water slide you beep it
into it goes beep and it says come back in an hour or come back in two hours or something so you come
back in two hours and then you actually don't have to wait in as long of a line which is pretty cool
and then there's other times you can just like beep your thing and then you can actually
squirt like they have guns and like you can push a button and you can actually squirt
onto somebody who's on the lazy river like that was my favorite part of this whole park
not the rides was like being able to squirt people without them knowing like they'd be like ah
and one was like just cold water like going onto people's faces and like
i learned a valuable lesson like the degree to which you can handle random water squirting at
you is like the degree to which you can handle life like if you go to a water park and you
become angry with like getting squirted on you have been squirted on at the water park
you're gonna get wet there's no way like if you think you're just i'm gonna go down lazy river
i'm not gonna get my hair red you're wrong your whole head is gonna get wet and it's just funny
that like the water is also cold so it's fun to be able to be like ah and like there was
there was such a [ __ ] online for this one slide so she and her like huge [ __ ] family there like
there was like the two stairs and then the stairs diverged into like the two different slides
and um they were right ahead of us on like this slide they got to hear the top of the stairs
and then they were waiting and they let like this many people like they let a huge amount of people
like there's a huge gap in the line normally you see a gap in the line you move up the line that's
line freaking dynamics 101 and they just were letting all of this space go by because they
were ignoring it and we thought like oh are they changing lines are they trying to go to this slide
so like me frank and and matt we try like walking around and then the mom like the woman from the
group is like no no no no no she was such a [ __ ] and i was like yeah you got to pay
attention like like we don't she karen she kind of did like i know that this person a year ago
would have been yelling at me in a nail salon for not wearing a mask
so i'm like yeah like this is you're kind of your fault for letting this all this space go by
like it looked like she was switching lines like they were just like you got to pay attention bruh
i don't know i i was like that that interaction was something that made me like really hate
humanity and then the best was that she was on on the lazy river later on so we got to squirt her
from like a remote location and she had no idea it was us oh really yeah
yeah you can't see unless you know the ride like there were some kids who were looking up right
at cause they knew where like the squirts were coming from so if you know you know