Hello everybody.
It’s your health and fitness specialist Kelly Brown
here today with a special guest.
His name is Stephan Labossiere.
I’ll let him give a
breakdown of what he does,
but first let me say
the reason I have him here today is because
a lot of times
before you can even lose weight
or get in shape or whatever.
You’re normally dealing
with a lot of mental problems,
a lot of mental health issues.
Not meant health like you’re crazy
anything like that,
but there’s lot of things
that you can go through in your life
that will trigger weight gain, weight loss,
or whatever issues
that you’re going through with your life.
I wanted to bring him here today
to touch on some topics
about mental health
so that you can get those things out of the way
before you start all along in your fitness journey.
I got a couple questions here.
He doesn’t know what I’m about to say to him,
so we’re going to interview him here
and I’m going to see what he comes with,
so I’m going to try to
not edit this as much as possible, okay?
So y’all going to hang in with me.
All right so the first thing is,
how does a person
deal with insecurities,
you think?
How would somebody go by
their own insecurities?
It depends on
where the insecurities came from
or where they started,
so if it’s a matter of
you question how you look maybe because--
I had a client once where
believe it or not the father
would tell her she’s ugly.
So now
her issue of accepting
being beautiful came from the father.
To deal with that
we got to get to the root of that issue.
We got to address that relationship,
the impact it had on that person,
so whatever has triggered
the insecurity
is where you have to look at.
Because everything after that
is just being piled on,
it’s just adding up because of
what you held on to it you never healed from
to begin with.
But once we heal from
that initial thing
now everything else can be taken care of.
And what’s the process of
trying to heal from that particular instance?
With each individual you got to go
deeper into it and
some things may vary but for the most part
it’s going to require
getting some things off your chest,
it’s going to require forgiving,
it’s going to require changing your mindset
or practicing a new mindset.
You’re going to have to reprogram yourself.
If you’ve been programmed to believe
you’re ugly, you’re this,
you’re not good enough for that.
Well, now you have to tell yourself the opposite,
and you have to remind yourself
daily, weekly,
constantly, so that you can now embrace
that new mindset and get rid of that old one.
That makes sense. Okay.
All right.
I got another follow-up question to that.
Should you look for someone else
to make you feel better about your insecurities?
No.
Absolutely not.
You shouldn’t look to someone else.
Now, don’t get me wrong we feed off of
compliments and how other people
perceive us at times,
and that’s nothing wrong with that so to speak,
but you don’t want to rely on that.
You don’t want to become dependent on what
other people think because now,
you could get ten compliments in a row
you’re feeling great and you get that one person
who says you don’t look good,
or who will reject.
And now you internalize that
and now you’re back to this negative mindset,
so first and foremost, you got to make
yourself believe
all these things.
You have to rely on yourself
to feel better and to
have a better a perception of who you are.
Don’t look to other people
but yeah, compliments
will always feel good to most people
if not all.
That makes sense.
And I asked that because
a lot of times the insecurities come from
somebody giving them to you.
Would we be looking for that person to
save us from our insecurities
before we move on,
or is it some thing you’ve got to
conquer internally first?
That’s why I asked you that.
All right, the next question is,
should you conquer your insecurities first
before getting into a relationship?
That would be ideal.
[laughs]
Let’s be real.
I have to say the vast majority of people
are not conquering their insecurities
before they get into relationship.
They’re trying to brush things under the rug
and hope to just move past it,
or they’re feeding off this other person.
Showing that they desire them
and that they want them,
and they’re letting that
get them through so to speak,
but it would be best.
Because again,
if you’re carrying insecurities
into that relationship
now even when that person
doesn’t do anything wrong
as in your partner,
if they unknowingly do something that
triggers that insecurity
now we’re back to square one.
Now we’re having this whole blow-up
all because of something that has
nothing to do with them.
It started from the past
so you don’t want to
let that linger.
And a lot of times
if you hold on insecurities
you’re going to end up with the wrong person
because we start embracing the wrong person
into our lives based off our self-worth.
Based of what we think exists out there.
If you think there’s no good guys
or good woman well you’re going to settle for a bad one.
It’s important that you fix
that before you go
entertaining anybody in a relationship.
You can see weight gain and loss
as an insecurity,
or somebody size like the physical size
or their appearance, would you consider that insecurity?
The insecurity starts with how you
perceive yourself but
it can be an extension of insecurity
and some people-- I’ve had clients
where they were molested
and now they will tell you
they purposely gained weight,
and they purposely kept weight on
because they felt it made them less desirable.
And therefore, made them
less susceptible to being harmed
and being molested again.
It stems from a deeper issue.
Ultimately, yeah,
how we look, and how we present ourselves
can stem from insecurities,
and how we carry ourselves.
Because again, sometimes you can be beautiful
but if you lack confidence
you don’t look as good.
Your energy is off
so that’s where the insecurity
carries over into your presentation.
Makes sense. Okay.
I guess the last question is,
have you ever struggled with insecurities,
and
if you have so,
how did you overcome them?
I have. I think we all have.
I don’t know if there’s anybody on the face of this earth
that’s never been insecure.
If you say that then you’re probably lying, right?
All right, and so, for me
as far as dealing with insecurities
is working on my flaws.
If I don’t like the way my body looks
I’m going to hit the gym harder.
I’m going to change my diet
I’m going to find ways that I can
get it better not that it needs to be perfect,
but get it to a place where I’m feeling
good about it,
that I’m not feeling so down,
or feel like it’s working against me anymore.
To me, that’s the way I always do it.
That’s the way I would challenge
other people is if you’re feeling insecure
about something
don’t wait for someone to just
magically compliment you,
or people to accept you as you are
so to speak.
Yes, there’s the level of that,
that plays into it,
but be want to work on those things.
If it’s stuff like your body,
your knowledge of stuff,
things that you can change,
and you can make better, and improve
with just putting certain things into practice.
Then do that.
Because we should all strive
to be the greatest version of ourselves anyway.
That’s true.
Okay.
Hey, listen you heard it here.
All right.
Sometimes I say it
but it's better when you hear from somebody else
who’s a relationship expert.
Tell them where they can find you please.
You can find me on my website
www.stephanspeaks.com
that’s S-T-E-P-H-A-N.speaks.com
or on Twitter and Instagram
@stephanSpeaks
or Facebook StephanSpeaks relationships.
All right and I’m your health and fitness specialist
Kelly Brown.
Please, you know where to find me @GetFitWithKB
on mostly anything.
I talk to you guys later.