(soft moody music)
(giggling, glass clinking)
- Hey, babe?
You want to spice things up and order some toys?
- Wow, yeah, I could be into that.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
(giggling)
- Oh, wow, oh, this is, wow.
- I know.
And when you wind it up, it swims in the bathtub.
- Oh my gosh, my baths are gonna be so fun, now!
- I know, your baths used to be so boring
now it will be so fun!
- Oh my gosh, it's only fun baths for Steve
from here on out.
- Yes! Fun baths for Steve!
- Nice, thank you.
(jazzy music)
- Hey, I'm here to deliver your pizza.
Extra sausage.
- Wow, I can't wait to fill my mouth with pizza and meat.
- Oh, I bet you can't.
However, how are you going to pay for all this meat?
- Oh, I guess I'll check for some money under this table.
Oh, oh no! I'm stuck!
Can somebody go get my stepson?
- [Step-Son] Whoa, Step-mom, you're stuck under that table?
Guess I better take advantage of that,
by taking this pizza all for myself
and eating it in my room alone.
- [Off-Screen] Jeremy!
Jeremy,
are you watching avant garde films instead of studying?
- No. Yes. It's normal!
Get out of my room!
- Well I support and love you sweetie.
No matter what.
Oh, okay.
- Nice dance moves, virgin.
- Shut up, virgin.
- Good morning, virgin.
- Virgin, you forgot your lunch.
- Thanks, Virgin.
- F*cking virgin.
(game show music)
- [Host] I have for you a chocolate lava cake
with a berry compote.
- Oh my God, this is so good!
- [Man with Blue Blazer] Oh!
I've never felt anything like this before in my life.
- Oh, oh!
(shouting and groans)
- That was nice.
- You win!
- I called you an Uber.
- Thank you.
(jazzy music)
(nails clinking mugs)
- It's just like,
I don't know if Josh likes me or he's trying to use me,
you know?
- Alice, you have to be careful.
Okay? Men are only after one thing and that's $200.
- That's why he keeps asking me for $200!
- [Girl with Denim Jacket] Yeah.
They all need $200 for groceries and other various errands.
- [Girl with Green Jacket] Ugh! Classic men.
- [In Unison] Classic men!
(text typing)
(text tone)
(text typing)
(text tone, twice)
(crying)
- I wanna be a chef!
Chef!
- All right, um I'm going out!
- Haha, No daughter of mine is going out
dressed like that.
- Come on!
- Because I'm not really your father.
- What?
Wait, why are you talking about my clothes then?
- It's called a misdirect, strange child.
- Okay, so I can, I can go out wearing this?
- Yeah, what do I care? Those are just clothes.
And I'm just some guy.
- All right, cool, I'm not gonna question it, bye!
- Peace!
- [Reality Show Host] It looks like Chad and Destiny
get to have a night alone in a honeymoon suite.
What will they get up to?
- Wanna play Jenga?
- I f*cking love Jenga.
- I'll try opening it.
I think this is a puzzle. Gotta get into it.
- Try to knock it over.
- Really tough.
- It's tough, yeah, you got it! You big strong man.
- I had so much fun tonight, Jeremy.
Thanks for dropping me off.
- Know what else, I've been kind of wondering.
I have a great time just like talking to you and all,
but, you know, don't you think it's about time?
- Are you seriously asking me for $200 right now?
I thought you were different!
- Well, we can do a payment plan.
Like what if he gave me a hundred dollars now
and then a hundred dollars tomorrow?
- Why would I want to give you a hundred dollars tomorrow?
(slaps)
- Wait, Alice, wait, come back!
We can do quad-pay.
We can do quad-pay!
(rap background music)
- Met her in the club. I could tell she had a big heart.
Took her home, fed her snacks, played some Mario Kart.
Then I drop her home by eight PM, just like a king.
For me, women's safety is the most important thing.
Sheesh!
(rap background music)
- There are hot singles in your area!
(computer error sounds)
The singles in your area are looking for you.
Oh God, hurry up, they're going to find you.
By winter, block the windows
and some food for when they're here.
You're going to need a gun because, dear Lord,
they're getting near.
It's them, the singles, they're clawing at the door.
Click here to say goodbye. It's the singles war.