Hey, this is Mat Boggs and today we’re going to tackle a touch question, which is when
to get out of a relationship.
So let me give you a scenario.
You’re dating someone exclusively.
Things are good.
You’ve got your ups, you’ve got your downs but you can’t ignore this feeling that’s
rising up in you that says, you know, “Is this my guy?
Is this really the relationship that I want?”
My brother, Rich, actually has a longstanding joke that you can actually tell how good a
guy’s life is by the pitch in his voice or the octaves in his voice.
Like he’ll ask his friend Brian, “Hey, Brian, how’s work going?”
He’ll say, “Good.”
“ How are things with your family going?”
“Good.”
“How are things with Stacy going?”
“Good.”
His voice goes up two or three octaves when it’s not so good, right?
So I’m now talking about when to get out of a marriage.
Let’s be clear.
This video’s not about when to get out of a marriage.
That’s a different set of tools.
And I’m also not talking about the three As, which are addiction, abuse, or adultery
or cheating.
If you’re experiencing any of those three As, the right answer is to end the relationship
and go and find something that’s healthy, a healthy relationship.
I’m talking about the confusing scenario where it is kind of good but you’ve got
this nagging feeling that, “Maybe this just isn’t right for me.”
So I’m going to give you two step that’ll help give you clarity on when to end the relationship.
Step number one is stay until the end.
What does that mean?
That means that when you actually get to the end of the relationship, you will know it.
There’ll be this strong intuitive feeling that rises up in you that says, “This relationship
is no longer good for me.”
This relationship is no longer life-giving to you.
In fact, the relationship might feel life-draining to you.
And when that happens, you will usually feel fear or perhaps sadness because you’ll start
imaging yourself ending the relationship and you’ll play out that scenario in your mind.
If you’re not feeling that way, if you don’t have that intuitive feeling, you’re not
playing out that scenario, the relationship isn’t finished and you will want to stay
until the end.
If you are feeling that way, this leads me to step number two, which is to ask yourself
this question: “What is keeping me here?”
There’s a reason that you haven’t left already so you want to discover what that
reason is.
And it will usually come from one of two places.
Either the reason that’s keeping you in the relationship is coming from a place of
scarcity and fear or it’s coming from a place of a vision-driven life.
the scarcity or fear reason will give you thoughts like this: “You know, I don’t
want to get out of this relationship because what if I leave and I discover that this was
really the best I could ever get?
I don’t want to get out of this relationship because I’m scared of being on the dating
scene again or getting my heart broken again or I’m scared of starting all the way back
at square one.”
That is scarcity, fear-based decision making.
Vision-based decision making for the reason that you’re saying says this: “Well, I’m
still here because I still have hope for us.
I still believe that there’s a possibility that we really can be great together if we
invest in this relationship.”
So you want to tune in to what’s keeping you in this relationship.
And if it’s a scarcity, fear-based reason, then you want to muster the courage to do
the right thing for you and him and end the relationship.
Now, if the reason that you’re still in it is a vision-driven decision, then muster
up the courage to pour into the relationship, to have the difficult conversations, to fight
for it, to make it great so that you’re not describing the relationship as “good,”
but when someone asks you, “Hey, how’s your love life doing?” you can give them
a wholehearted “it’s good.”
Now if you like this video, please share it with someone that you care about to increase
the love in their life.
And I would love to hear from you.
What questions do you have for me?
Post those questions below in the comments.
I always check out the comments.
And, as always, there’s a great link in this video and in the description to a resource
that will help you understand the hearts and minds of men and attract the relationship
that you want.
And, if you’re not subscribed to this channel, please subscribe.
That would help me out a lot.
I would love to serve you and give you the latest and greatest videos that come out each
and every week to increase the love in your life.
Thanks so much for watching.
I’ll see you soon.