- Anna
Did you see Game of Thrones?
- Does Jon Snow stare at statues?
Ya
♪ Gay of Thrones Theme ♪
- So right at the very beginning
It's 3:30 in the afternoon
I'm fresh home from school, which means...
It's time for Judge Christina to hold court.
- [Daenerys] Your sister pledged to send her army north.
- [Jaime] She did.
- I don't see an army.
I see one man
with one hand.
It appears your sister lied to me.
(Gavel Slams)
- Girl, but you know Christina Aguilera
is gonna have to call her chiropractor
after the 180 Sansa Fierce just pulled.
- Sansa was like,
Um, I get that you hate that he killed your dad,
but he's done my friend's friend a solid
and me a solid
so Shantay he stays
- But Christina's like,
Ok, noted, however, his sister
on my Evite
RSVP'd plus Army and it's War O'Clock
and we don't have that army
so it puts me in a really really awkward posish.
But then a bit later
Christina wants to make nice at the
Winterfell Women's Power Summit.
But
Sansa's making like the Dixie Chicks
and she's not ready to make nice.
- [Sansa] What about the North?
- Allison Janney does the same sh*t to me at work.
Like one day she's bringing me coffee,
and the next day she's
threatening me with her dragons.
(Whoosh of Flames)
- So then,
at Boston Market honey
we find Hooked on Phonics
slinging soup in the soup kitchen
when he's visited
by the ghost of Galapagos past
- I want to fight too.
- And to be honest,
I know exactly how she feels.
When I was three years old,
I was told
I could not be a cabana girl at my local pool.
Like, I just had the cutest little white short short
with the little white...
But think
Saved by the Bell The Summer Years
when they were working at Mr. Carosi's place
on the beach honey.
It was that with a white little pillbox hat
and I was just cute as you could be,
giving out ice cream sandwiches,
pretzels with multiple dipping sauces honey,
Marinara,
Ranch,
Nacho Cheese,
loved all of them.
Oh except,
I always felt that if you had Nacho Cheese
and Mustard
and you chose Mustard on a big soft pretzel, like,
where are your intentions?
- So then later,
we're in the war room
and everyone's got their "To Catch A Predator" hat on.
- [Sansa] You want us to use you as bait.
- Mr. Whitewalker,
please take a seat.
- That's your best straight white guy?
- Yeah, I'm really f*cking gay ok?
- And then Solange says the same thing
everyone in L.A. says, but never means.
- [Missandei] I'd like to see the beaches again.
- I went 3 times in the 9 years that I lived here.
Maybe 4.
- I live right by the beach and I never go.
- And then in a triple lets move
that no one saw coming,
Baby Kill Bill
went from Jessie Spano
to Nomi Malone
in the blink of an eye.
- [Arya] Take your own bloody pants off.
- OH, YEAH YEAH YEAH
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH
YEAH
- Who knew the last thing on that list
was for her to kill some D
(Steamy Noises)
And then after that,
Mr. Grace Coddington goes down to the learning annex
where he takes a course on the concept
of patriarchy.
- You're not a knight?
- Women can't be knights.
- Why not?
- Tradition.
- F*ck tradition.
- Honey,
- If a dirty murderer
rocking an animal carcass
can understand toppling the patriachy,
any man can.
But Anna, this scene is so sweet because
Tilda finally shatters the Dragonglass ceiling
when she's knighted by Brother D.
- Arise Brienne of Tarth
a Knight of the Seven Kingdoms.
- The smile on her face reminds me so much of the smile on my face
when I cheered at Senior night in my high school
when I was really a Junior, because I graduated early,
cause, like, I couldn't even help that I was smart,
but I just knew how happy I was
Just, y'know, to be really walking down that stadium
and have all eyes on me
and you're really just kind of like...
(Clapping)
- Knight of the Seven Kingdoms!
- And the it's
F*CK WATCH 2019
- The big woman still here?
Suckled me at her teet
for three months.
Thought I was her baby.
That's how I got so strong.
Giant's milk.
We're all going to die.
But at least we die together.
I'd knight you ten times over.
- But the cis gendered, heterosexual nerve
of Jon Snow
to wait till the final rotation,
last half of the long program,
bottom of the ninth,
18th hole,
moment
to tell poor Christina Aguilera,
that their entire family tree
is just one massive trunk.
- My real name
is Aegon Targaryen.
- That's Impossible.
- You would thing that a woman whose
entire family is dead
would be excited to have a new family member.
- But truly what I loved the most about this episode
was the Kevin McCallister of it all.
They were home alone.
Setting up plans.
Doing booby traps.
Getting all the first aid kits together.
All without the help of their moms and dads.
♪ Christmas Music ♪
[Both Screaming] AHHHHHHHHHH!!
- I have something for you.
- Oh my...
Oh my god
shes the lady of a million faces.
- Yep yep yep.
- This coin means I will kill 3 people for you.
- Um,
Thank you so much.
My hair cuts are actually $250 but this is great.
- Oh
- Stick a fork in me,
you look amazing honey,
you're serving me
season one Cersei realness.
- I'm gonna do a study abroad in Dorne.
Where are
- My dragons?
[Both] OHHHH
- NOOOO
- Where are they?
- YESSSS
- NOOOO
- And now you're torn
- She's Natalie Imbruglia