[oddly soothing music in face of what's to come]
Holy fuck, he killed me twice?!
I-I didn't even, I didn't even, I didn't even notice he killed me twice then.
I-I-I don't know how the fuck people beat this.
I could've made about forty fucking videos
just getting up to this stupid fucking skull-masked wearing piece of shit.
He just pummels me and Liu Kang just takes it like a fucking asshole.
Fight back, dickwad!
I don't know if-
Oh my god, he just refuses to do his fucking moves.
He just refuses to do his moves sometimes.
Hey, he did the- he did the fucking bicycle kick!
Let's have a fucking celebration!
He stops to talk shit like a PRICK
lets you uppercut him, gives you everything you need
he gives you he gives you
he gives you enough fucking things to do the x-ray move
and then I did it- like THAT
and then you go, "You're gonna to get it, Shao Kahn,
you're gonna get it.
Look, x-ray move! I kicked his fucking jaw and he's dead!
His jaw's fucking snapped and he's *still* talking shit.
Holy shit, I might actually win a round here.
Nope!
Fuckin' hammer to the fuckin' kneecap.
Do the fucking flying kick!
[frustrated sigh] Oh, you fucking asshole!
GET HIM!
[Michael time] FUCKING SPEARS!
I can't beat this guy. I can't fucking beat this guy.
I don't know how you fucking proceed past him!
Fuck. Fuck Raiden versus Shao Kahn.
I-I don't know any other way to put it.
Everyone on the fucking Internet and on Youtube
demands that I fucking fight Shao Kahn
so I had to play the whole goddamn game all the way up to this.
It probably took me probably at least seven hours to get up to this guy.
And uh, look what the fuck it's for!
For this?!
To have this guy [rage intensifies] beat THE FUCKING LIFE OUT OF ME?!
He's got his stupid green fucking plasma hammer
Every. Fucking. Time. He hits me, he's gotta taunt like a fucking ASSHOLE.
Fuck you, Shao Kahn!
I-I-I will just say "Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it!
You can have the Earth Realm!
I don't give a shit!"
How many times have I already died inininininin the course of these few minutes?
He starts off the fight taunting,
he taunts in the middle of the fucking fight,
he taunts before and after the fight when I'm recuperating,
he's taunting me when I'm hitting fucking retry
and *still* I can't win a single fucking round.
When Liu Kang *does* decide to do the bicycle kick
he blocks it.
[You suck.] FUCK YOU! *YOU* SUCK!
Well no, actually he's right, I do suck because I'm getting my fucking ass kicked.
DO THE FUCKING BICYCLE KICK!
Oh my god.
["fuck this shit" sigh]
I-I-I-I-I-I-I can't beat this guy.
I can't beat this guy.
I've actually, yes believe it or not ladies and gentlemen, I've fucking looked at the moves that Liu Kang can do
and these fucking spears, they're my Kryptonite.
They're [frustrated sigh] I tried to do the bicycle kick
and you know what he does?
He does "HUAAAAH!"
Why the fuck is it that Liu Kang's voice actor's all like
[manly voice] "Oh, we have to defeat Shao Kahn. We have to kick his ass"
and then when he gets into the fucking fight he goes
"HUAH-DAH! DAH! BUH-BUH-BUH"?
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit
I won a fucking round!
In your fucking face!
You piece of shit!
You bet your ass I win!
Now let's see if he M. Bison's me.
For people who aren't familiar,
the "M. Bison" is when you win the first round
and you do barely well in the second round
like it looks like you're going to take the fucking game
and then the CPU just decides
"Nope! Not gonna give it to ya! We're just gonna take that right the fuck away from you!"
And just unleashes a fucking-
Ugh. Stop.
He's [Mogar rage intensifies]
HE'S DOING A MICHAEL JACKSON!
I-I-I-I-I-I
This game is driving me to the fucking brink of insanity
I-I don't know
I don't know what the fuck to do against this guy.
I-I kick him, I uppercut him
and then every time it seems I take the lead
like right now, well no, I *was* winning, now I'm not.
Holy fuck, uppercut him-
GETHIMGETHIMGETHIMGETHIM
Motherfucker.
NO NO NO
YOU FUCK.
That fucking hammer. That fucking hammer.
There's nothing I can do against it.
I'm gonna fucking kill him
You're gonna die!
Holy shit, holy shit- NOOOOOOO
[voice breaks] DO THE FUCKING BICYCLE KICK!
I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm losing my mind.
I'm losing my mind against this guy.
I have nothing to say
there's no, like, amazing quips like
"Whoa! What's he going to fucking quote this video?"
Well, everyone's going to post in the comments
here's what people are gonna post:
Holy shit, Shao Kahn is a mother*FUCKER*
Because that's-that's-that's all I can say against this guy.
He kicks me in the head- now look at this
he's practically got a fucking flawless victory against me.
Liu Kang is fuck-
[sigh]
Back, Back, Forward, B.
Do the *fucking bicycle kick*, you stupid fuck.
You're supposed to know kung-fu
I can probably do the bicycle kick easier
than fucking Liu Kang could.
He's taunting me.
He's fucking taunting me.
He's letting me get in free shots
andthenheandthenheandthenheandthenhe
and then he just shuts me out.
[drops his controller]
He shuts me out.
I can't I can't I can't beat him.
I can't beat him. I can't beat him. I can't beat him.
Look, h-h-how many times did he fucking kill me?
How many times has he fucking killed me in this one video?
I-I-I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.
I'M DONE.