Want to have a unique mystical sexy pet that will obey every single command you give her?
Well GG (guys and girls), today's your lucky day because I'm selling a bunch of...
For only $63.00, you will have a jungle Petvana that will never stay in her jungle to help that Blood Sucker kill a Bunny-Hop-Hop girl
and she will Dragon Dive to secure the kill for you.
But, if your teammate is a ButtFucking Friend, she will Flash-Dragon Dive combo to drag his enemy to him for an easy kill.
Look! Top left corner! It's Anivia! It's Ori! Nooo! It's Petvana!
Most of the time, when she ganks, the enemy will most likely waste Ghost or Flash to run away like a pussycat,
so she will go back in the brush like a ninja and run back to Poison boy with a Burn Rush-Exhaust combo to get the easiest First Blood in history.
Sometimes, that tactic will not work because the Piss Diver joined the party without invitation, so the Wannabe Dragon will back off until he wastes all his skills for nothing,
go back at him with a Burn Rush-Megaton Punch-Auto Attack combo until he dies while using Exhaust on the Giant Bug,
chase that fuckabish to the other side of the world while tanking the tower for Bangplank
and run away to safety with a Burn Rush.
If you want to invite a beautiful lady to a date, she will definitely capture her for you.
See? She became your woman in no time and is now helping you destroy your neighbour's snowman!
That's right. Even if the lady is a What-The-Shit alien, Petvana will never let her get away and knock her down with a Megaton Punch.
Isn't that wonderful?
If she's in the park, she will always (I'M A CUNT, ARE YOU?) with a bang and steal every buff available on the map.
If a blind fuckabish is in there, she will walk like a dandy girl and steal the buffs from him, no problem!
After ganking so much, Petvana will have enough money to buy an oracle and go on a ward clearing mission to piss off the enemies.
Be aware that a ward takes 3 hits to be destroyed no matter how strong she is.
But, observe and learn, because her Megaton Punch counts as 2 hits!
Yes, 2 hits!
Isn't that beautiful?
She possesses a Dragon Dive skill that will let her eat every minions she touches, so you don't have to spend a single penny to feed her.
If Petvana is hungry, she won't hesitate to towerdive and eat your night stalker not one time, but two times to have the best appetizer in her life.
For dinner, she will have a Dark Magician Girl and for dessert, she will devour Annie's boyfriend in a crunch.
If the Wannabe Dragon is not hungry, she will share the food with her fellow teammates,
go on a ride with Wukong's long stick,
(YOU WILL DIE IN 7 DAYS) even more,
run away from midgets
and steal Baron every day, every time.
Her Megaton Punch skill will kill anyone without fail and no one, that's right, no one will be able to steal your kills.
Not even Lux's Kamehameha!
If you don't want to wake up and go to work, she will destroy your company's building to please you, no problem!
In Wannabe Dragon form, no one will escape her deadly bite.
Her Burn Rush skill will burn anyone around her, allowing her to pickpocket the minions faster than ever and give you tons of money.
What's more? That skill is useful to steal the enemy's red buff like a ninja
and when she's in her Wannabe Dragon form, she will leave a fire trail that can't be extinguished even with the Crying Master overflowing tears.
Her Hadoken skill is useful to farm minions from a distance and to hit an enemy before the tower send her to oblivion to steal the kill from Cocky.
In Wannabe Dragon form, Petvana will spit 3 hadokens to finish off a a fail flasher and to get a kill before anyone else.
The best thing about it is that the flames will not burn the grass, so she can abuse it however the hell she wants.
Isn't that marvelously ecological?
In teamfights, she will Flash-Ultimate combo with a ButtFucking Friend to push the enemy further from her base until your team comes to have a sexy party with Miss Jungle.
She will chase a What-The-Shit bird with a Burn Rush-Exhaust combo and she will wait until he uses his Flash like a boss to give him the biggest wing slap in the face.
Just what are you waiting for? For only $63.00, you can have this awesome Wannabe Dragon that will do anything for you.
Call now at (MY MOM'S NUMBER) and you will have her for only $9,75.
Yes, only $975!
What's even more amazing? You will get a free bonus DVD teaching you how to use your pet as a cook.
Here's a preview.
Isn't that DVD amazing? These beautiful receptionists are waiting for your calls and...