No, Dot, I love him! Oh, Mel, Mel, are you alright?
I've been hit, Pocadotas. I must return to England.
But what will I do? Will there be a sequel? No, there won't be a sequel, but there will
be a TV series and merchandise as far into the future as you can imagine.
... as Pocahontas tries to rescue John Smith, in Pocahontas: the Hand-Held Game!
It's John Smith! [Sings]: She goes where the water's flowing;
river-rowing Pocahontas. River-rowing Pocahontas doll rows her own
canoe. Battery not included; John Smith doll sold separately.
Princess Cocoahontas! It's my destiny to marry the man with the
chocolatiest-tasting cereal! Kids say that's my Cocoa Pepples! Then, I'm yours!
Here's how John Smith was saved by Pocahontas and new Bab-O, world's sudsiest cleanser!
[Sings]: Oh, Pocahontas worked so hard, she couldn't see in her back yard, that Captain
Smith was in distress while she was stuck with sink smog's mess!
Then appeared a medicine man who said the cure is in this can!
Bab-O's power packed sud's papoose will make old sink smog vamoose!
Bab-O saved me! Now, I'm free, to save John Smith!
Pocahontas, who save Captain John Smith. Wa-wa-wa-wa!
How! I am Pocahontas, a Chippawa maiden. Pocahontas!
And Disney presents, Pocahotass! The real Pocahontas was only about 15, which
explains why her lover went by the name "John Smith".
[Sings]:We have got your seven bucks; why should we try something new. We know you'll
buy the video; your money we will rake it in! A formula, that [something]; just a retread heroine!
Haven't I seen you somewhere before, Pocahontas?
Gosh, they're sure strict around here! Papa, don't kill'em Captain John Smith. Me
Pocahontas love him! Mmm!
Captain John Smith marry'em Pocahontas.
Raisem little poker chips!
Oh, please don't cut my head off;
I'll be a good boy, Mr. Gowdy! Honest, I will!
Landing is the military leader of the Pilgrims,
Captain John Smith. The Indians prepare to burn him at the stake. But at the last minute,
Pocahontas intercedes to plead for the life of John Smith and for the others:
"Oh, Father, I beg of you, do not destroy this paleface until you know whether he and
his people come to us as friend or foe."
Fore! Meet-em new Boyfriend. Slippeth me some redskin, Bub.
How!
[Crying]: Woe is me! Give 'em the axe, the axe! the axe!
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America. Flash!
John Smith, local pimp[!] and playboy, is headed for the happy hunting grounds!
Whoa, I'd better get going! Yes, you'd better, sister, if you want this
picture to have a happy ending!
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty; here we come, ready or not! [War whoops].
Oh, yeah?