Hey guys, it’s Hasan Minhaj.
That’s right, Hasan Minhaj.
Or as I’ve been called on the street, “Riz Ahmed.”
Recently, I was on The Ellen Show
explaining how to pronounce my name properly.
And I know there’s a lot of crazy things going on in the world right now,
so I wanted to give you guys
a handy dandy pronunciation guide.
Let’s get right into it.
First name to pronounce:
So Timothée Chalamet has gone by both.
He’s gone by Timoth-y
and Timo-thée.
But you gotta choose.
You can’t switch-hit.
She’s actually gone on the record
and given people a pronunciation guide
on how to say her name.
But it’s Chloë Sevigny,
as if you have seven knees.
Which would be terrifying.
This one is actually incredibly difficult.
The correct pronunciation is
Even though it looks like
“sorcerer ronan.”
I’m not gonna blame you for that.
Just disregard what you’re reading.
It starts out with like,
“Sir. Sir, can I see the manager?”
Sir...
Saoirse Ronan.
Think of a chewy granola bar
with Dave Attell,
you’re on the edge,
with a four.
And Chiwetel Ejiofor’s actual full title is
Chiwetel Ejiofor CBE.
Which sounds like a strain of marijuana, but it’s not.
It sounds like something you’d put in a vape.
People tell me this all the time.
They go,
“Dude, you can do this. It’s just CBD oil.”
Just in the comments real quick:
Can I just have CBD oil?
Because I’ve been drug and alcohol free my entire life,
so can we do CBD oil? Just comment below.
So there’s Nikolaj.
You have a coaster on your table.
And then Waldo is on top of the coaster.
You found him.
Let’s just simplify and go with
Tom Hanks.
I know a lot of people haven’t heard that said out loud before,
and I hadn’t heard it in a long time.
I kept saying “Tom Honks.”
One time I saw him in public and I said,
“I love your work, Mr. Honks.”
And I was so wrong.
So, I’m sorry Tom and the entire Hanks family.
Let’s get into the world of politics.
We have
So, Pete’s easy,
but Buttigieg is kinda like…
Imagine you’re just saying, “Hey Pete!...”
And then you’re about to say his last name
but you trip on the curb.
So you go,
“Hey Pete Buttigieg…”
It’s almost like you hit your foot.
You go, “Buttigieg!”
You’ve heard it a million times,
but you should know
that her Twitter handle is AOC.
I wish I had HM. That’d be really cool.
Just @hm.
H&M wouldn’t allow it,
but it’d be really cool.
So it’s “bet.”
So I bet.
“I bet this dude
has probably performed Wonderwall
at some point in his life.”
Let’s get into the next big topic: Pokémon.
You can’t play Pokémon Go without
pronouncing these names correctly.
You don’t even need to look at the word,
you just remember being in elementary school and everyone’s like,
“Oh, look at this holographic Charizard!”
My favorite font.
Conkledorf...
...what is it?
[off-screen] Conkeldurr
Conkeldurr!
That’s a real Pokémon
and my friend who plays Pokémon.
Sup Aaron?
There’s also a collection of random words that you should know,
just in your day-to-day life.
You’re actually never gonna have to pronounce that ever in your life,
but just say ‘Worcestershire,’
just to stunt on people.
Oto-rhino-laryn-gologist.
Because the last thing you want is to look stupid
if someone asks you about the inner ear.
Like, “Oh, I think I have an ear infection!”
“Oh, go see your otorhinolaryngologist.”
So that’s my pronunciation guide.
If you ever find yourself in a conversation
and you don’t know how to say “Tom Hanks,”
just play back this video
and you’ll know it’s “Tom Hanks” not “Tom Honks.”
And
I’ll see you guys back May 12th for new episodes of Patriot Act.