Nintendo is regularly a decade behind the rest of the gaming industry. They
made Splatoon - one of the best ever multiplayer shooters - long after the
multiplayer shooter turned first hit, and only recently perfected the modern
open-world game with Breath of the Wild. They didn't fuss with 1080p resolution
until the release of the Wii U in 2012, and that's 7 full years after the rest
of the console market.
They still use cartridges, for God's sake!
That doesn't mean they're
trailing behind the competition - more like they're standing
behind a meat shield. Nintendo lets other companies test new ideas and take the
critical and financial blows that come with innovation. Then they autopsy the
results to achieve the same product, but better and cheaper.
After all, being on the cutting edge is a great way to bleed.
Based on this theory we can extrapolate
what Nintendo's next decade will look like, by looking back at last decades
biggest trends. Starting with the dadification of the video game industry,
which began in the early 2010's and was fully completed in 2018 when Kratos
ascended to fatherhood. Which means now's the perfect time
for Nintendo to get in on the trend.
With Mario becoming a dad!
Mazel Tov!
Based on how dadified games
treat motherhood, we'll probably never know who gave birth to Mario's children,
because why would that person matter? Based on how the Internet is, the mother
is probably Mario in Super Crown mode.
Either way, this will usher in a new
generation of beloved characters and mark a shift in Mario's design as well.
Grittier, wiser, a little gray at the temples, and a little less likely to make
that jump.
[to offscreen] Would you... could you do a grizzled old man voice?
Brian (grizzled old man voice): It's a me, Mario.
Mario jr. - and presumably his cousin Luigi jr. - will debut in a new
Yoshi's Island game, usurping baby Mario's place on Yoshi's back,
and in our hearts.
And on the other side of the cuteness spectrum, we have souls-likes.
From Software's Demon Souls and Dark Souls ushered in
the rise of a new genre, meant for people who were tired of feeling competent.
The soulsian games were third-person RPGs,
known for their punishing difficulty, epic boss fights,
and incongruously elaborate headwear.
Bayonetta is the obvious franchise for Nintendo to jump
in with, because aesthetically its basically already:
Baroque Souls: a dark, atmospheric spectacle with a focus on boss fights
and sex appeal.
Just LIKE Dark Souls.
[appreciative hum]
but Nintendo doesn't own Bayonetta, so instead
they're gonna reboot Punch-Out - but without the exclamation point so
that you know it's a serious franchise. Like when I remove all the exclamation
points from my professional emails.
The core mechanic will still be boss fights,
with a heavy emphasis on blocking and dodging
but the reboot will incorporate RPG elements so you can build a strength- OR
magic-based boxer. Rest in the locker room between fights with the bosses, and
when you defeat enemies you'll learn--
Souls.
Human souls.
On the hardware front, VR has gotten better and cheaper than ever before -
enough to become a real
viable consumer product. Nintendo previously flirted with VR with the
Labo headset in 2018, so it shouldn't be too much longer before they fully commit
to a true VR headset accessory for the switch. Breath of the Wild and Super
Mario Odyssey both got the VR treatment for the Labo's release, but Nintendo
will want a boost hype with a new game.
And I wish I could predict that new game
would be Fatal Frame because I want a new game in that franchise, but I don't
get what I want.
Obviously, it has to be a Kirby game
because who better to express
three full dimensions then that slack-jawed beanbag pillow. And to really
capture the bodacious experience of that cosmic chungus,
you won't be playing AS Kirby,
but against Kirby, fighting to prevent yourself from being sucked
face-first into the black hole of his gullet.
[vacuum noise!]
You'll play as Waddle Dee Dee, a low-level enemy,
who changes powers by changing accessories, and who is,
incidentally, my Kirby-world OC.
I've been refining this 3D render of Dee Dee for months now,
and she's perfect. And you can have her for free, Nintendo.
[chittery Waddle noise]
Relatively late in the decade, we saw the arrival of Battle Royale games. So we
probably won't see a Nintendo battle royale for a while. Perhaps it will line
up with the rumored - but not yet scheduled -
release of a certain bounty hunter game.
That's right, where we droppin Samus??
It's battle metroyale, baby!
This game will differentiate itself from other royales by basically
being a competitive speedrunning game. You race to gather
objects that unlock new areas, all the while combating the 99 other players.
[to offscreen] Do you think this is like... any actually kind of like a good idea for a game?
ahh, alright!
And last of all, Gone Home, Dear Esther and Firewatch gave us a new way of
experiencing games. But there is a lot of backlash against these
so-called walking sims. People complain that these weren't real games,
which is absurd
and is also the kind of controversy the kind of controversy Nintendo loves to avoid.
But now that all the hubbub has
died down, Nintendo can finally get in on the action.
With Ground Fox, an introspective
first-person game, heavy on exploration with light puzzle elements.
Your old friend Peppy Hare has gone missing planetside, and in order to find him...
you're gonna have to do a barrel stroll.
ha-CHA! [Star Fox victory music plays]
Regardless of when Nintendo takes up these trends up - uh, and they WILL -
they're gonna do a great job because that's just what Nintendo does.
What trends from the past decade would you guys like to see Nintendo pick up?
Honestly I would love to see a first-person hallway horror Luigi's
Mansion game. Reboot Luigi's Mansion as a serious franchise, Nintendo,
and if you don't, you're cowards.
The internet told me to call you that.
pah!
Puns will save you!!
Okay...