I am very recently married,
so it was about two months ago.
Oh, congratulations. Yay! Congrats!
That's great. That's really nice.
Yeah. Yeah, very exciting.
So there's that, got that going for me.
What's this guy's name? Can I know his name?
Yes. His name is Julian.
Julian. Okay, all right.
Yes. He's a big, he is a big fan.
He was giving me some notes before this.
Oh, good.
Some possible things I could talk about, so.
I have this Freudian urge now to fight Julian.
I don't know what that's all about.
Wow.
I do. I don't know why, I feel like I need to.
Like, you don't know anything about him,
besides that he's married to Emily.
Exactly!
But I feel like I need to prove myself to Emily.
Oh I see.
By fighting Julian. Is that crazy?
Yeah. Emily, is that crazy? You would know.
It's primal, but I don't think it's crazy.
And not a fight where anyone gets hurt,
but we just rustle around a little bit
and then we just hold each other.
Oh, wow.
Okay, well that took a turn.
That's a whole new...
(Conan laughing)
Look, I'll talk it over with Julian.
He knows exactly what I'm talking about.
Sure. What does he do?
So he actually has a degree,
a master's degree in social work,
but he works in public health right now.
It sounds like his field is dangerously close to yours.
It is very close to mine. Yes.
I, you know, I was talking about this earlier,
when we argue it's very tactical,
almost annoyingly so sometimes.
So, you know, for instance, I never do the dishes.
I'm terrible at it.
So instead of being like,
"Gah, why don't you ever do the dishes?"
We have to be like, "When you don't do the dishes,
it makes me feel sad."
Oh. Oh no.
I would like it if you please. Yes, yes.
Oh, so he's doing that,
he's read all the handbooks you've read.
Oh, but it's healthy.
He has. It is, but it's almost annoying.
It's healthy, but it's also very,
it's annoying because each of them,
each of them are using all the tool, you know,
all the special tools in the toolbox.
Yeah.
This is how I feel when you don't do the dishes.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Rather than just like, "You slob, do the dishes."
Yeah, but isn't, "You slob, do the dishes,"
that's not productive.
It's pretty good. You get out some anger.
You get to call the other person a slob.
Also, can I just call bullshit on
"I'm not good at doing the dishes."
That's what I say to my wife
and she says, "What are you talking about?"
It's called rinsing the plate, you know,
and wiping it clean.
A chimpanzee can do it.
When people say I'm not good, you know,
"I know, but I'm just not good at flushing the toilet."
Oh.
That's just not my thing. It's ridiculous.
Let's probe your psychosis here.
Okay, okay.
Why are you refusing to do the dishes
when it's clearly something you can do
as a very intelligent grown person?
Right. Yeah, man, you've really called me out.
I'm gonna have to not let Julian listen to this.
Why aren't you doing the dishes, Emily?
I don't like to do them.
Right. So what?
It's boring.
There's a lot of thing we don't want to do.
And it's so boring. It sucks.
Then your hands dry out, I get it. I totally get it.
And the sponge smells bad.
Yeah, so better he do it.
Why is it okay for Julian to do it, but not you?
He has a more specific way
that he would like them to be done.
Oh.
There it is.
See, there you go.
The rule is like, if you have a specific way
you want it done, then perhaps you should do it.
Okay. All right.
You're standing up for Julian now
and you wanted to fight him like five minutes ago.
I know.
Well, I also said it wouldn't be a very vicious fight.
It would be kind of a slap fight
and then we'd hold each other for awhile.
Yeah and then you'd wash the dishes.
And talk about dishes. (laughs)
Yeah.
And then we'd wash the dishes together
and we'd bitch about Emily.
Which her deal, man? I know, tell me about it.
So strategic and manipulative.
So strategic.
You do that too sometimes to me.
What do you mean?
Like, when I would sometimes forget
to put like your travel info on your calendar.
Sometimes forget?
You'd be like, why do you forget?
And I'm like, maybe it's just because
I'm a forgetful person, but you always thought
there was like a deeper thing there.
But sometimes it's just, it's on the surface.
Well, we later on found out
that you were chewing a lot of gummies.
Okay.
So I think that's why your memory went in the trash can.
But the other day I had to take a trip
and I looked down at my iPhone,
my whole itinerary and everything
was in there because David had taken care of it.
Oh.
Thank you, David.
And I was shocked, because that had never happened before
under the old regime.
You also were texting me, not thinking it was in there.
I texted you and said, "Well, can you let me know?"
And then I realized it was already in there,
something that never happened
under the presidency of one Sona Movsesian.
Emily, can you dissect this first? (laughs)
Yeah.
Oh, this is just me stating facts.
There's no psychological, you know, hoo-do going on here.
There is abuse. Psychological abuse, I would say.
No, it's me just...
I can't wait to hear Emily's take on you two.
Well, anyway, we don't need to get into that.
Yeah, move on.
This is just a reasonable boss
trying to get his employee
to do pretty much what is their job
and them refusing to do it.