Oh hey everybody. This week on Ask Cristen I’m talking about three men and no baby
or actually just one man who doesn’t want any babies. So not that movie at all.
This week’s Ask Cristen question is coming from Andy Sampson2, ‘My Grandmother was
diagnosed with ALS 4 years ago and passed away about a year ago.’ Sorry for your loss
Andy. ‘Since then I have been solid in my mind that having kids is not for me because
in our family, this disease is genetic. I’m currently in college, but I have rarely met
a woman who doesn’t want to have kids. Do you have any advice for guys out there who
feel like they are stigmatized for not having kids?’ This is one of those things where,
at least from what I’ve observed, roughly 99% of the conversations about to have or
not to have kids focus almost exclusively on women and implying just silently that men
are just not as invested in the whole parenthood thing, like if it happens it happens. And
I’ve talked before about the very real stigma that women face anytime they say they don’t
want kids, but the same kind of stereotyping happens for men as well it just takes on different
forms. A lot of times, guys who say that they don’t want kids are assumed to just be irresponsible,
or playboys or they’re commitment-phobic. So while I couldn’t find any statistics
quantifying just how many men face this kind of stigma, anecdotally it absolutely exists.
I mean it’s echoed in Andy Sampson2’s comment and I have a feeling, Andy, you probably
get the response that a lot of young women complain about when they say, yeah I really
don’t want kids which is you just don’t know yet. Or if you’re a straight guy you
probably hear, just wait till the right woman comes along. You will want to impregnate her
faster than…what’s fast? As for how you manage this in your personal life Andy Sampson2,
I would first recommend outside of any kind of dating scenario just taking a little time
to consider your level of desire to not want kids and your motivations for not wanting
kids. It could be the case that I don’t want kids now versus I don’t want kids ever
versus if ALS had no chance of being passed on to my kids then I would definitely want
kids. Obviously, biological kids are not the only ways that you can become parents. If
it is a deal dealbreaker, that’s something you absolutely need to disclose. You need
to lay out how non-negotiable that is. Maybe that involves getting a vasectomy. If you
do find yourself in a serious long-term relationship where kids are not, are not an option for
you I think it would be worthwhile for you as a partner to that person to also consider
where compromise outside of that might lie. A relationship has to work with two people’s
inputs and two people’s needs being met. If kids are something that you really don’t
want that the other person really does want, there’s a good chance that it’s not going
to work out down the road. But if the other person is like yeah, you know what I’m kind
of on board for this but if we don’t have kids, we got to travel. You know, then if
I were you be open to travel. So now it’s time for a conversation, I’m so curious
to know guys who don’t want kids, people who have been in relationships with guys who
don’t want kids let me know what you think about this and also about the whole vasectomy
option. Let me know what you think about it in the comments below. And as always thanks
to everybody who watched and commented on last week’s Ask Cristen video, ‘Too Many
Orgasms?!’ Aby19822 said, ‘After a lifetime of having trouble achieving orgasm, my extremely
patient partner has been helping me condition my body to be more responsive. Now with years
of practice I am able to have an orgasm so easily that we stopped trying to count how
many I have in one session.’ Amy’s thoughts833 said, ‘I have had an experience with reaching
orgasm via no touching or direct stimulation. I was on a crowded train going to work one
morning and I climaxed on the train around people and nobody knew what I was doing. So yes, I can say you
can orgasm by your mind alone.’ And as always friends, ask me your questions so I can give
you some answers.