'We're looking for the sick man.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘That’d be just swell’
We’re looking at Bloodsucking Nazi Zombies,
which, I have to admit, is the most sensational title of the many used for this film.
‘Enjoy it, it’s awful’
It’s directed by Jess Franco and feels almost a companion to Zombie Lake
which Franco was set to direct but had to drop out last minute,
in fact, I wonder if this was Franco making another version of the story he missed out on because the plotlines are very similar.
‘Are you sure your information is accurate?’
By which I mean; barely there.
‘Where the hell are we?’
A pair of girls on a tourist jaunt through the desert happen on an oasis filled with wartime relics…
'Dou you know what I think, I think this place is jinxed, lets get out of here.'
and then…
Elsewhere, Colonel Kurt Meitzell is looking for the same oasis with the help of his old comrade Captain Blabert.
‘You’re the only one who knows where the convoy was intercepted’
Why is Meitzell trying to go there?
‘On November 15th 1943 a special command escorted 6 million dollars in gold’
But…
‘Of course you’re aware there’s a legend, the ghosts of your soldiers still stand guard over the treasure’
Having got his information, Meitzell kills Blabert, using the force.
Through a letter Blabert wrote to his son, we learn of the oasis’s wartime history.
‘These weren’t ordinary troops, they killed everyone they came across’
These crack troops are ambushed at the oasis because they didn’t notice the guy behind tree…
or the 30 guys behind the fence.
Only Blabert survives, rescued by a Sheik, whose daughter he hooks up with…
Makes you wonder why he left.
‘By giving birth to your son’
Knocked her up. Got it.
Back in the present Meitzell has reached the oasis and can’t wait to start looking for the treasure.
‘Let’s get some sleep’
It’ll be night any hour now.
But as they sleep...
They are attacked…
The zombies, are not great.
But you’ll never see a more surprised one.
Young Robert Blabert and his friends have also decided to go treasure hunting and our met by the desert inhabitants.
I can’t abide those Jawas.
Now I can’t be sure they only had 5 extras, but I’m pretty sure they only had 5 costumes,
watch the hooded robes…
They also meet a camera crew making a documentary.
‘He handles the camera and me the sound’
I’ve probably ruined this take, I’m not very good.
‘I think you’re out of your head’
The group discover Meitzell, raving after his encounter with the zombies.
Robert is quick to offer help…
'Where's the Oasis? Where's the Oasis? Where's the Oasis?.'
'Come on, can't you see he is dying?'
and Meitzell replies with his dying breath.
That… way…
'Why are you burning his body?'
'You must burn it or they come back.'
They burn his body with quiet dignity.
I wonder if a funeral is the best time to make my move.
'There's nothing like a nice cold bath.'
'I can think something better.'
The camera crew moves on while Robert contacts his surprisingly young looking Grandfather…
'Leave us Abdul.'
Who gives them directions.
‘Sand, nothing but sand’
But at the oasis they find the remains of the camera crew.
'Oh no, they're dead.'
Fortunately the pretty girl remains alive, but traumatised by the zombie attack.
‘You still want to stay here? You don’t believe me, do you.’
Okay, maybe the others don’t believe in zombies but there are two corpses with teeth marks in them,
yet they continue treasure hunting in light-hearted good humour,
#laughter#
'Shit.'
'You say shit like you were from Brooklyn'
Including the girl, who, after a few hours, moves onto the next stage in the grieving process.
Getting some. But once night falls...
How can they fight back?
‘Let’s get bottles and make Molotov cocktails like in school’
‘Let’s make Molotov cocktails like in school’ the hell school did you go to?
‘Fire’s the only that can stop them, we;ve got to hold on till dawn.’
Here’s the problem with this big climax.
They’re all running round, yelling...
'Hurry up'
'Hurry up!'
'Comeon Hurry!'
'Hurry up!'
Here come the zombies.
They only have to make it to dawn, even if they were to walk, slowly out into the desert they would be fine.
Just stay out of arm’s reach and they would be fine.
‘Let’s get some gas from the truck’
Better yet, rather than setting fire to the petrol, you could use it to drive away. This is pointless.
‘No, no, no’
Only Robert and his girlfriend survive.
In the morning they are rescued by the old Sheik.
Now, when you watch a lot of these film’s you end up reaching for superlatives;
dumbest this, most pointless that, so I don’t want to cue up the film’s final denouement, I’ll just let you watch.
‘Did you find what you were looking for?’
‘I mainly found myself’
Thanks for watching. For more zombie film reviews click here. What lines of dialogue have left you speechless, let us know in the comments below.
'I hate to leave you like this.'