>> Stephen: RIGHT THERE, THAT IS LOUIS CATO.
DO I TELL HIM? DO I TELL HIM ABOUT WEDNESDAY?
ALL RIGHT, LOUIS. I GOT SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. THIS IS A LOVELY GROUP OF PEOPLE
TONIGHT. HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW LOVELY THEY
ARE? YOU CAN'T FAKE THAT.
TONIGHT WE'VE GOT SOME FANTASTIC GUESTS.
OF COURSE WE HAVE THE TWO, THE ONLY, JANE FONDA AND LILY TOMLIN
WILL BE OUT HERE. TOWERING FIGURES.
MODERN ENTERTAINMENT. WE ALSO HAVE A SPECIAL.
NO ONE HAS SEEN THIS BEFORE, SPECIAL EXTENDED INTERVIEW WITH
STEVEN SPIELBERG AND JOHN WILLIAMS IN JUST A LITTLE
MOMENT. AMAZING.
HOW THEY -- HOW HE CAME UP WITH "JAWS," HOW
HE CAME UP WITH "CLOSE ENCOUNTERS."
FANTASTIC INTERVIEW. HERE'S THE THING.
WE GET A LOT OF FANTASTIC INTERVIEWS AROUND HERE.
I HAVE AN AMAZING TEAM WHO BOOKS THESE PEOPLE AND AN AMAZING
AUDIENCE TO DO THE SHOW FOR. INCREDIBLE BAND TO SHARE THE
NIGHT WITH. BUT NEXT WEDNESDAY, WE GOT A
VERY SPECIAL GUEST, VICE PRESIDENT, HARRIS WILL BE
RIGHT THERE. NEXT WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
CHECK IT OUT, Y'ALL. FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
IN THE NEWS MINES, SOURCING THE PUREST STORY GOLD, HAND-SHAPING
IT AND ADDING TURQUOISE CABOCHONS, AND CIRCULAR-CUT
DIAMONDS TO CREATE FOR YOU THE GLORIOUS MID-CENTURY
BOUCHERON NECKLACE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I LAND IN A DUMPSTER BEHIND
A DEFUNCT RADIO SHACK AFTER FALLING OUT
OF THE WHEEL WELL OF THE COCAINE SMUGGLER'S CESSNA I STOWED AWAY
IN, FISH OUT A RUSTY TWIST-TIE AND GUM-GLUE IT
TO AN OLD TRANSISTOR, THEN SNAP THE ANTENNA
OFF AN ABANDONED BUICK TO PUNCTURE MY AREOLA
SO I CAN PARADE AROUND IN THE HOBO NIPPLE RING OF NEWS
THAT IS MY SEGMENT, "MEANWHILE."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I SWEAR, I COULD DO THIS ALL
NIGHT. I CAN'T SEE THAT TOO MANY TIMES.
MEANWHILE, IT'S MARCH, AND LIFESTYLE BLOGGERS
ARE ASKING, "DO YOU WANT TO SMELL LIKE
ST. PATRICK'S DAY?" IF THE ANSWER IS YES, I WISH YOU
A SWIFT RECOVERY FROM GETTING KICKED IN THE HEAD
BY A POLICE HORSE. BUT THANKS TO DEMETER
FRAGRANCES, YOU CAN NOW BUY COLOGNE CELEBRATING
ST. PATRICK'S DAY WITH SCENTS LIKE "IRISH CREAM,"
"CLOVER," AND THE ALLURINGLY VAGUE "IRELAND."
THAT LAST ONE IS HARD TO DESCRIBE.
IT EVOKES THE INTANGIBLE LONGING WITHIN THE IRISH SOUL TO...
POTATOES. IT SMELLS LIKE POTATOES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] MEANWHILE, IN AUSTRALIA,
A POPULAR BEER HAS BEEN RECALLED FOR HAVING EXCESS ALCOHOL.
THAT HEADLINE AGAIN: "BEER RECALLED FOR BEING
BEST BEER." THE BEER IN QUESTION IS
SOMETHING CALLED "YOUR-MATES, A WATERMELON-FLAVORED
SOUR BEER THAT WAS FOUND TO CONTAIN "EXCESS ALCOHOL"
DUE TO SECONDARY FERMENTATION. AND WE WOULDN'T WANT ANYTHING
UPSETTING THE DELICATE FLAVOR PROFILE OF YOUR
WATERMELON SOUR BEER. "MMM, I'M GETTING NOTES OF
"GUMMI WORM STUCK IN A 3-YEAR-OLD'S-HAIR."
MEANWHILE, NINTENDO JUST RELEASED A POKEMON-THEMED
SLEEP TRACKER, CALLED "POKEMON SLEEP."
EVEN THOUGH "POKEMON GO TO BED" WAS RIGHT THERE.
IF YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT A POKEMON-THEMED SLEEP TRACKER
DOES, NINTENDO RELEASED THIS AD THAT MIGHT HELP.
[GENTLE MUSIC] >> GOOD NIGHT.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: SO BASED ON THAT, EITHER "POKEMON SLEEP" IS A
NIGHTIME HEALTH TRACKER, OR A HOOK-UP APP FOR PEOPLE
WHO WANT TO BLACK OUT AND WAKE UP THINKING THEY DID IT WITH
A CHARIZARD. GOTTA BANG 'EM ALL.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I'VE BEEN TOLD BY MY STAFF
THAT THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY A CHARIZARD IN THE VIDEO.
BUT IN MY DEFENSE: I DON'T CARE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH LILY TOMLIN
AND JANE FONDA.