It's really a form of covert narcissism.
I'm going to be breaking it down in this video.
So stay tuned.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am a narcissist negotiation expert
and I'm also an attorney
and in these videos and on this channel,
I help you shift the dynamic so that
you can become the most powerful,
the most persuasive, the best person
of yourself so that no more narcissist in your life.
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Alright, let's see.
Let's talk about three examples of narcissists
who play the victim and really narcissist
who played the victim are a form of covert narcissist
and if you want to know more about
the covert passive aggressive narcissist
you can definitely check out my video on that topic
and this is really my least favorite in a lot of ways
because I had to deal with a covert passive aggressive
narcissist as a business partner myself.
So let's talk a little bit first about narcissist
and then let's talk about a covert passive aggressive narcissist
because I think it's really important that you understand
what we're talking about before we talk about
these types of narcissist who play the victim.
Okay.
So a narcissist is a person who has no inner sense of value.
This is a person who is really the most insecure person on the planet
of course, it have no inner sense of value
and because of that, I kind of like it to a person who's
like literally starving.
Their starving for attention.
They just need so much to have love
and all of that but it's almost like
those receptors have closed in a way.
It's like if a cell has receptors or something.
It's like there's a damage that has been done
and nothing can really go inside anymore.
So it's not like you can love them and it'll go and penetrate.
It's like they're starving, but you can't feed them.
It's like this black hole in a way,
but yet they're starving.
They feel like they have to grab food
wherever they can and this food
that they're trying to grab is what we call
Narcissistic supply
and they're trying to feed their ego with it all the time.
Feed feed feed feed feed.
They're going to try to feed it
with external stuff and you know,
it's going to either come in the form of
what I call quote unquote “good things”
which is kind of external things
that you see like
adulation, compliments, money,
prestigious friends, prestigious jobs.
You know, all the things that you necessarily
see and then there's like
what I call the
dark underbelly of Narcissistic supply
which is things that they wouldn't necessarily want people to see,
which is that the devaluing people, degrading people,
treating people poorly and they wouldn't
necessarily want people to see that
they treat people badly all the time.
They know that they shouldn't necessarily do that.
So usually they do that in private or whatever.
We're going to get into this.
The ones who play the victim here in a second.
So those are you know, how they
get their supply in a lot of ways.
Okay, and then there's like the covert narcissist,
the overt narcissist, all those sorts of things.
Okay, and it is a bit of a spectrum and
when you're going to negotiate with them,
which is what I focused on
it's a very special type of situation
because it's not like a give
and take the same way as when you're
dealing with a normal reasonable person.
You can't have a situation the same way.
You do have to deal with it in a very different way.
Okay.
So let's talk about these narcissist who play the victim.
These are the ones who aren't the ones out there
breaking and boastful telling everybody how great they are.
They are the ones that are much more tending to be
what I call more passive aggressive.
They seem more downtrodden.
This is the one that's like they're
always putting themselves down.
I'm not good enough to play that
game or I'm not good enough to go
date that person or I'm not good enough to go try out
for the play or to go apply for that scholarship or whatever it is.
But a lot of times this particular narcissist is doing
this because they are trying to get people to pay attention to them
and it's again it's a way of manipulating.
It's a way of manipulating people around them
and sometimes they do it to pit people against each other.
Sometimes they do it to get people to feel guilty.
Sometimes they do it to get people to not do
things that they would normally do like have a life
or whatever.
So, this is number one.
The I'm not good enough Narcissist.
Number two is the
This is the super guilt trip one.
So this is the one that is always on their high horse
because maybe you cheated at one point or something
and so they get to Lord that over you for the rest of your life
and because of that they never have to
ever look at anything that they ever did,
one of the perfect examples
I've seen of this is when I was
practicing law and I practice divorce law.
I would see for example a situation where a husband would be
you know, unfaithful the wife would get to tell
everybody that the husband had been unfaithful
and person was the bad one and you know,
she got to play the victim but
what she didn't mention was that
you know she had sex with the
husband in like five years before that,
and you know, that the husband,
you know, by the time he had been unfaithful,
you know, it was because she hadn't had
sex with him in several years and you know,
should he have probably left the marriage long before that
maybe you know and there's a lot of things that go into that.
But you know, she got to play the victim because of that
and so, you know, she got to be on her high horse
because of that and so she got to play the victim.
He was the bad one.
So that's number two.
Number three,
This is the one with that uses their sob stories as a reason
to not have a life as a reason to never do anything with themselves,
right?
You know, like they constantly have attention
for themselves because it allows them
to continue to get attention that way
and you know, there is a payoff sometimes
for being the victim and you know,
for those of you who are out there watching this,
I want you to listen to this sometimes
because as long as sometimes,
you allow yourself to be the victim or the you point
the finger at the other person is being
the villain and that continues to have
you be the victim and I want you to remember.
I'm not saying that you're the narcissist at all
by the way,
but I'm just saying, don't continue
to have yourself be a victim either
but I'm saying that,
sometimes people who keep themselves stuck in these situations
are because they are narcissistic
and it's because they know that it keeps them having attention
for themselves and they use it to be manipulative
and I know that there's somebody that,
you know, my husband and I have in our lives that,
you know, uses sickness and uses sub-stories to
as a way of manipulating people in their lives
and uses it to manipulate friends
and family and that sort of thing
and it's just not okay, especially when
they use it as a way of passive aggression,
uses as little as a way of pitting people against each other
and that's what you see sometimes with Narcissist
and so, those are three examples of narcissist who play the victim.
If you guys have seen any of this,
love to know what your comments are
or give me an Amen
in the comments,
tell me that you've seen this
or tell me what your feedback has been
in seeing these kinds of narcissists
who played the victim would love to know and if you are dealing with this,
please grab my free
Crush my negotiation prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
It's a free ebook so that you can get started with your negotiating.
I've had an people win their entire negotiations just on my ebook by the way.
It's that good.
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and I will definitely see you in the next video.