- [Interviewer] How old were you when you found Islamism?
- Oof, I really started my quest
probably around 30 years old.
I was convicted of two counts of assault II
with a deadly phone.
- [Interviewer] What?
- This is the kicker, this is the twist.
There's twists and plots up in this bad boy.
(melancholy music)
- [Interviewer] Hi.
- Hi. - Hello. How you doing?
- [Interviewer] What's your name and religious affiliation?
- I'm Douglas.
My religion is Islamism.
- My name is Alexa.
I was a Muslim for about 13 years.
(melancholy music)
- [Interviewer] Growing up,
what was your experience around religion?
- The school I went to, it was a Catholic school,
so we were forced to do religious activities.
It wasn't something that I gravitated to.
- Ever since I was a little girl,
I've felt a lot of pressure and conditioning
from society, from family, from friends,
to be, like, non-confrontational
so that people would like you.
- When I was younger,
if you couldn't articulate your words,
and phrase your words correctly,
it leads to stigmas, you know what I mean?
And narratives being drawn.
- [Interviewer] Like what?
- Narrative, bad attitude, gang member.
- [Interviewer] Were you a gang member?
- I mean, everybody's a gang member in my town.
- A lot of people in our generation,
your parents make all your decisions.
If you go to college, if you get this job,
get married, you'll be happy,
instead of, like, stepping back and saying,
"What do I actually want to do?
- [Interviewer] What started you down your current path?
- Hmm, I was accused of driving my vehicle
and pointing a gun at somebody while driving.
I got charged with two counts of assault II
with a deadly weapon.
- [Interviewer] Where did that come in?
- Tell you what happened.
I'm at a light, and I'm on the phone.
Somebody's in front of me, all right?
The light turns green.
And they're just in there talking,
I guess she's arguing with somebody.
And so I beeped the horn, (beeps)
and then I see her look into her mirror right here
and flick me off, make the turn,
I try to roll down the window, and I'm like,
"Get the hell out the way!"
And I flick her off, while I'm on the phone!
(laughs)
And I go, no problems.
So I don't think anything of it.
I go home, next thing you know,
fifteen, twenty police offers are swarming.
(smacks hand)
And they all said I'm getting read my Miranda rights.
I thought I understood that,
"Okay, they don't want anything bad to happen to me,
cause they know I didn't do anything.
They're gonna get this correct."
That's what I thought.
(melancholy music)
- When I got to college,
I was in my general studies class,
and we got to slavery,
and they gave very specific examples
of Bible verses that the Europeans used
to justify slavery and to control the slaves.
To me, it was the first spark of "religion is control."
In my mind, I only equated it with Christianity,
I didn't equate it with all religions.
- I went to trial, not understanding what law was.
This is what brought me to law and Islam.
You kinda get put through a meat grinder
and whatever comes out is what it is.
And it just shocked me,
because, it's like, I thought we were here
for the interest of justice.
- I met a guy, and he was Muslim,
and we became really good friends.
I read the Quran with him.
I just really started connecting to it.
He eventually became my husband.
I became a stay-at-home mom.
I was looking for the religion to tell me
how to live my life.
Everything should be good if I'm doing
exactly what my religion says,
always taking care of my kids,
always keeping my house clean,
doing everything my partner asks me to do,
but I'm still not feeling better about myself
and someone tells you,
"Make more prayers,"
but I'm feeling worse.
So, what am I gonna do now?
- I went to prison for a year and a day.
I'm with murderers.
I'm with two people who got life without.
I walked the line with them every day.
Chess and Bocce.
Peace and love to my brothers.
They're not ever coming out.
I gotta say, for real, it was a fucked up experience.
The things that I saw in there...
That's where men are breeded to become lesser than man.
Like, people are trying to kill you over washing toilets.
- [Interviewer] How did prison lead to Islam?
- I wasn't on religion when I was in prison.
See, people say they go to prison and find religion.
You can't find religion if you're angry.
They can't find stuff but anger.
- Something happened to me.
Some of the situations involve men,
and not wanting to tell them no,
and I'm still afraid to say.
It's hard to share things that happen to you
if you feel like it could hurt someone else,
even if it did hurt you,
because I feel that I could be blamed.
But it's the lack of boundaries
that is allowing you to continually
put yourself in this place to be abused.
(melancholy music)
- [Interviewer] When did you decide
you needed to make a change in your religion?
- I got out.
I had a partner at the time.
They were in law.
And so I'm studying their work,
because that was our bonding time also.
And so I would go with her to her cases.
I'd just sit there and watch.
I'm looking at this administrative officer,
and he's wearing a robe just like the brothers
and priests at my school.
And then, it just, the epiphany just came, like,
"Wow, it's all about religion."
All these judges are under a thing called Judicial Canons,
or are called Canon Law.
At my Catholic high school,
they'll use Ecclesiastical Law.
And the Judicial Canons tie to Ecclesiastical Law.
And they're the same thing.
So, we practice those innately,
but we don't know what we're practicing.
And so I had to go on a quest.
I had a lot of questions.
I went to a Mosque, Christian groups, Jewish groups.
All they are is disciplines.
Like, "Wow, I've been practicing this forever.
I can just put a name on it."
We were practicing Catholicism forever,
everybody wants to have discipline.
We were practicing Buddhism forever,
everybody wants to have truth.
We've been practicing Islam forever,
everybody wants to have peace.
Me, I said,
"Okay, let me find out what this really is.
How can I make it better for myself?
How can I be a part of this?"
That's what I did.
I wanted to be better.
- I was getting divorced.
Before I got divorced, I never had any time alone.
So, I was finally able to just really figure it out,
that the religion wasn't gonna make me happy,
my husband wasn't gonna make me happy,
my kids weren't gonna make me happy,
that it was all gonna have to be from me.
So, that was when I finally figured it out,
was when I had the time by myself.
(melancholy music)
- [Interviewer] What's the difference
between Doug before Islamism and Doug now?
- Okay, so.
The most perfect me is in Islam,
because the most perfect me walks in peace.
And so I'm not angry.
- When I really stood back, I figured out that
I put an emphasis on following the religion
instead of following what was right for me.
Following something is actually easier
than stopping and thinking for yourself,
"How is this enhancing me?
How is this enhancing my children?"
And just like, let them know themselves,
and that they were made beautifully,
instead of making them try to fall in line
with all these other things.
- Only way I see for people
to be able to hold themselves accountable
is to do some type of religion.
Whatever you have to do, whatever religion fits you,
that's what you go for.
- My practices have changed, you know,
I do a lot of meditation now,
my routine will be, on a daily basis,
will be what makes me feel full,
and feel at peace, and feel loved.
And that was only gonna come from myself.
- I'm better because of Islam.
- [Interviewer] All right, thank you.
- Yeah. - Okay.