My name is Edmond.
I was in the Marine Corps from '98 until 2006.
And my MOS was satellite technician.
I was deployed to Kuwait, and then we went
to Iraq from there.
That was probably the most intense time in my life.
And we went out there on this convoy.
And we go through these areas, and you're nervous and
terrified because you don't know what's going to happen.
Being overseas and in combat, you feel different when you
come back stateside.
You feel a bigger appreciation for the small things.
You're not so in a rush.
But the problem is you're not motivated to do anything
because here, everything is generated by money and
materialistic things and stuff like that.
But over there, you see people who are dying and starving,
really, for water and food.
So immediately when got I back, it was, OK, I don't
really feel like doing anything here because
it's not worth it.
There's not anything to do it for.
There's no reasons.
The few years after that, my family started noticing the
differences, like temper, attitude, not really wanting
to go outside and deal with people.
I was really social before, and then once I got back I was
kind of introverted, not really too
social, not many friends.
I didn't sleep.
I just stayed always up.
Anger issues--
I was always angry or on edge, expecting something, always
waiting for something to happen.
Easily startled-- loud noises.
Relationship-wise, just didn't want to relate with anyone,
couldn't understand what someone would
cry about and emotion.
Like, what are you crying for?
You're not bleeding.
You're not hurt.
There's no reason to cry.
No one really understands what you've been through or where
you're going.
And you can't say, OK, you know how it was in Iraq or
whatever, because they weren't there.
So you're not going to get the perspective that you got when
you're there.
So they really don't understand.
And then as a Marine, especially, or as a man, it's
hard to ask for help.
You're trained to adapt and overcome.
So whatever comes up--
OK, I can deal with this, or I'll figure a way around that.
I was there for about a year.
So for a year, you're on pins and needles and terrified.
You don't know what the hell's going to happen.
So then you come home, and it's a feeling of relief.
But then, I don't know if it's something within your body,
but you're craving, like, OK, what's next?
This feels wrong to feel this way, to be at ease.
Or you're just anticipating the storm.
I had a daughter in 2009, and right before she was born, my
mother was telling me, you should get checked out.
You're having a daughter.
You need to make sure that you're fit to raise her, that
you're not having any issues, or there's going to be some
problems later.
And then I was passing the idea over my other family
members, and they were like, yeah, we've thought
this for a while now.
It's a good idea that you do go.
Initially, I called the VA, and they have
these groups there.
And they have a group session where everyone sits around and
they talk about their emotions and feelings and what's going
on with them.
And it was a PTSD group.
So I went, and I sat in the back for a while just to here
what was going on, because I'm like, if this doesn't make
sense to me, I'm not going to go any further.
But then I started going there, and I started hearing
the guys talk.
And I could relate to a lot of it.
I was sitting, and, OK, I understand that.
Can't sleep, I understand that.
Nightmares, I understand that--
being up all night, finding all kinds of things to do,
having to always be involved or thinking of something so
that way your mind doesn't wander.
And I could identify with a lot of what
the guys were saying.
So then I got the instructor's card because
she passed them out.
At the class, they were on the table.
And then I called her and made an appointment.
And then I went down there and talked to her.
And then they set me up with an evaluation.
They recommended the medication.
And then I did one on one counseling sessions, and I've
been doing it ever since.
The biggest improvement overall is now I go to sleep,
which it sounds small to somebody else, but to be able
to know that you're going to go to bed in your room and go
to sleep, that's a big deal.
If I'm going to raise someone else, I should at least make
sure I'm OK.
You know yourself better than anybody else does.
And if you know there's a difference, or if you even
think there is, then just go and take a look.
There can't be any harm in just researching
or checking it out.
And that's how I did it.
I went in, and I went to the group.
And I sat in the back, and I just listened until something
that struck me as, OK, I'm going through that, too.
You didn't go into the military alone, and you're
definitely not the only person.
And that's ultimately how I had to look at it.
There's other people who are going through the same thing
that I'm going through.
And this will give them, if nothing else, they can see
that there's something else for them and
that there is hope.