[music playing] - Hello.
Hi. Come on in.
- How are you? - Good.
How are you? - Oh.
[inaudible] see you. - Hey.
Hi. How are you?
Good. Welcome.
JESSICA GRIFFIN: Now that I've met with two of the couples,
it's time to check in with Dave and Amber
and get up to speed as to how their marriage is progressing.
OK.
Well, it's great to see you both.
Good to see you, too.
Great to see you.
Tell me what's been going on.
How have things been since the last time
I've see the two of you?
I think we've still kind of had some ups and downs.
You know, yesterday, at the gym, we met with her friend
Ashley, who is a tall brunette.
And she was saying something about their house.
So I asked a follow up question, where does she live.
And you were upset that I had--
- I wasn't upset. - You were.
[music playing]
And it sort of snowballed from there.
Because she's more your type than I am.
Because of hair color.
I don't-- it's not something I'm, like,
overly sensitive about.
It's just I'm a little sensitive about it.
When you think about a relationship or conflict
in a relationship, the idea that a picture
is worth a thousand words, a video is worth a million.
So seeing their past communication
can help them improve their communication going forward.
Well, I have some footage today that I've
brought of the two of you to demonstrate your communication.
Because I think we're seeing the same patterns,
the same argument.
DAVE: I'm pretty nervous to watch these.
I mean, maybe there are things that I'm
doing that were absolutely terrible
and have been the cause of all of these fights.
So I'm nervous to watch this.
So how long have you been dyeing your hair blonde?
Like, at least two years.
DAVE: Two years? [inaudible]
But I am starting to lose my hair, though.
Starting to lose your hair?
AMBER: Yeah.
[laughter] DAVE (ON VIDEO): Why?
I don't know.
I think I must just be dyeing it too much.
DAVE (ON VIDEO): So why not stop dyeing it?
That doesn't sound good.
I'm losing my hair, too, but for very different reasons.
I just wish I was a natural blonde.
It would just be easier. DAVE (ON VIDEO): Why?
Because that fits my personality.
I feel more myself when I have blonde hair.
That's interesting. OK.
It seems like I'm supposed to have blonde hair.
I feel like I look better with blonde hair.
DAVE (ON VIDEO): Well, I've only known you with blonde hair,
so I'm not sure.
You do look good with blonde hair, though.
AMBER (ON VIDEO): Thank you.
But you would like to see me with brown hair, too?
I just want you to be healthy.
That's all I care about.
I'm going to stop it there for a second
and check in with both of you.
What happens is you have this idea
that he likes brunettes, which means
he doesn't find you attractive.
And you're looking for information to support that.
So even though he says, I just want you to be healthy,
I like the way you look with blonde hair--
did you hear him say both those things in there?
AMBER: Mm-hmm.
JESSICA GRIFFIN: Yeah.
I don't know why.
I do see how sometimes I can jump to conclusions.
So it was a moment of realizing that there
was a difference from what Dave said versus what I heard.
Let's keep going a little bit more.
Yeah. That was just bad.
I already was insecure that you were, like, disappointed
that I was brunette.
And now you're, like, trying to, like,
talk me into dyeing my hair.
I'm not trying to talk you into dyeing your hair.
All right. Let's talk about something else.
DAVE (VOICEOVER): I see, watching this,
that I just get frustrated and shut down.
And I know that makes things worse.
JESSICA GRIFFIN: OK.
Any more reactions to the rest of that?
Yeah.
I mean, it's kind of frustrating to watch back.
Because I feel like I was pretty consistent in saying,
you look beautiful either way.
If this is hurting you, stop doing it.
But I get that if this is who you are and this is what
you want to do, then I won't cont-- you know,
I won't bring it up.
Dave, I think that at the end of this argument,
instead of just there being this silence,
you can cap that and say, look, I think you're beautiful
the way you are.
If you want to change your hair color, fine.
If you want to cut your hair, fine.
Amber has to feel safe in this marriage
I think in watching this, there's a lot I
can do better in this marriage.
It's hard to relive some of these tough conversations.
But just seeing something in front of you,
it's so much easier to realize, OK, these
are areas I need to improve on.