Let's start things off in Fairfax County,
Virginia, where two roads named for
Confederate Generals Lee Highway
and Lee Jackson Hwy are set to be
renamed by their route numbers.
Routes 29 and 50 respectively.
Shout out to Fairfax for picking the
safest names possible because nobody's
ever going to protest 29 or 50.
You know, other than maybe Ja Rule
fans or Floyd Mayweather fans or
Madonna fans or fans of the wire.
Lloyd Banks Man 50 Cent has a ton of enemies.
Many men, many, many, many men.
I thought they would go the opposite
direction and name the roads after somebody.
That Confederate sympathizers would hate,
like, say, the OJ highway.
But thankfully,
Fairfax leaders are not that petty.
Besides replacing the name with their
root number still manages to be petty
while taking the High Road at the same time.
Kind of like when khalise called
out Beyoncé for using her sample,
and Beyoncé removed it from
her song without responding.
In any way and cause post dragging,
Fairfax looked at Robert E.
Lee and Stonewall Jackson and
said you won't break my soul.
You won't break my soul.
I'm renaming every highway.
Congratulations to Fairfax County,
by the way, because we don't
need highways named after losers.
And if that were the case,
we would have one named after the commanders.
I'm just kidding,
but for real try to win some
games this year because.
Baseball was cancelled.
Let's head to DC for this next story.
When Netflix has filed a lawsuit
against the creators of the
unofficial Bridgerton musical,
which recently made his debut
at the Kennedy Center,
claiming the shows composers Abigail
Barlow and Emily Bear are profiting off of
Bridgeton without licensing from Netflix,
Shondaland or the author
of the Bridgeton book,
Julia Quinn,
Netflix saw what Barlow and Bear were
doing and said you do not know me.
And rest assured you never shall.
According to the lawsuit.
Netflix offered to negotiate a
license with Barlow and Bear,
but they refuse,
which is pretty bold considering the whole
thing started from a Tik T.O.K video.
OK, but what if Bridgerton was a musical?
Was a beautiful booty?
I'm looking up at the
ceiling and chandeliers.
You never said sorry, I guess
you forgot. Maybe you're not.
What are beautiful evening?
Now Abigail and Emily are whisper
singing their way to federal court.
These two won a Grammy with their
Bridgerton tribute and charge up to $149
a seat for that Kennedy Center show.
Yeah, it's time to run Netflix their coins.
You can't just put unofficial in the title
and then Jack somebody else's creation.
I know the original name for open
Mic was the unofficial Daily Show.
I do want to have sympathy for them, but hey,
I watched jokes get cut from this show
every day so the station won't get sued.
I make it work.
You can too. Now.
I chose this last story because it manages
to combine swine and cancel culture.
Two things which hopefully will stay
apart long after this cracker Barrel
restaurants are facing backlash for
announcing on Facebook that customers
could customize their breakfast
plates and replace their proteins
with impossible plant based sausage.
And will let me tell you the comment
section was in their feelings.
People posted things like I lost respect for
a once great Tennessee company and ohh no.
The Cracker Barrel has gone woke.
It really is the end of times.
Ah.
Who gets upset over options?
I mean really, who gets upset over options?
Nobody's taking away your sausage.
You're free to continue
clogging your arteries,
so the good Lord calls you home.
Cracker Barrel is a business.
They're smart for getting plant
based money along with the
greasy money they already have.
Anybody complaining about a cracker
barrel adding impossible sauce to the menu
has clearly got too much free time and
needs to go outside and touch some grass.
I feel like I need to thank Cracker Barrel.
Not because I care about.
And possible sausage because that will
never darken these lips and let the
kids that Walker Mill middle tell it
it's not possible to darken these lips,
but because the comments in
that post were hilarious,
who knew sausage enthusiasts
were so passionate?
I'm willing to bet this Cracker
Barrel story ends up on Fox News
with a headline like the woke
Mob wants to take your breakfast.
Great to see that passion
from the sausage lovers.
We didn't know that was they
were physically capable of that.
My favorite story.
Well, the funniest was definitely
the angry Cracker Barrel.
Ranting over impossible sausage on Facebook.
It is the most get off my long
story on the most.
Get off my lawn social platform,
but my favorite is Fairfax County.
Renaming the highways cause I enjoy
anytime the Confederacy takes an L.
In fact,
has the Confederacy everyone.
Ah,
that's probably why they come
in for the history books,
alright?