- [whispering] This is a...
Eating ASMR relaxation video.
These pickles are so cold.
Oh, my God. That looks so freaking good.
[crunching]
- She's pounding pickles
like she's cramping up in the fourth quarter.
That lady giving oral to your eardrums is Spirit
and she's a "big dill" online.
Heh-heh. Relish that joke.
She's the creator of a popular ASMR channel
where people can chill out
to the sweet sounds of her chewing food.
Whatever happened to throwing on some Sade
and taking a hot bath?
Or, if you really wanna unwind,
a handful of Xanax
and huffing some glue.
ASMR is short for something
you will never remember, so why bother?
Like meditation, chiropractors, and therapy,
it's a complete waste of time
and we're all secretly judging you for needing it.
It's meant to give you a tingling sensation
along your meridian, which
I'm guessing is a five-dollar word for boner.
We all know there are a bunch of pervs out there
masturbating to Spirit.
Hell, even I think about it
when I hear her crunching those Clausen's.
Most women don't like to eat in front anyone,
so I applaud Spirit for doing it in front of
every creep on the Internet.
That's why I invited her to stuff her face
at my very conservative Tosh Family Thanksgiving
for this week's Ce-web-rity Profile.
[cheers and applause]
- Dear, Jesus,
bless this food,
bless this family,
and bless Daniel's interesting new friend...
Spirit?
- Knock it off, Dad.
all: Amen.
- Thank you, Spirit, for joining us.
- Thank you so much, Daniel. I appreciate it.
- Are you named after the airline?
- [laughs]
- Shh!
- How long have you been making ASMR videos?
- Um, I started in 2015.
- How many videos have you made?
- 1,199.
- Holy [bleep].
What does ASMR stand for?
- Autonomous sensory meridian response.
- Why do people enjoy listening to this?
- It makes you feel calm and relax
and it makes you just feel so good all over.
- Let's talk about your eating.
You're not supposed to talk with your mouth full.
Does that affect your videos?
- When I first moved in,
the people were loud and--
it's so, so quiet here.
That's the whole purpose of it,
seeing the food, seeing the way my mouth opens,
seeing the way my tongue clicks and moves.
I know it's different and it's unique,
but it actually really relaxes many, many people.
- What won't you eat on camera?
- Probably you won't see me eat meat.
- Wait, so you are a vegetarian?
- You're vegetarian?
That's strike two, Kaepernick.
- We didn't steal this country from the Indians
so you could sit there and eat vegetables.
- If we don't eat meat,
the animals win.
- Shh! - Uh, what about the fish?
- Well, right now I'm having a issue with the fish
'cause I love salmon,
but I took a trip one day with my children
and there was a whole bunch of fish in a hotel pool
and they was, like, communicating with me.
So now I'm having a problem with eating fish.
- Spirit, are you a little crazy?
- Yeah! - Okay.
Would you pass the dark meat?
Or did you ban it from the table?
- Oh, my God, did you dip that in butter?
- Yeah, my mom's turkey's kinda dry.
[slimy munching]
- You sound like you're eating chewing gum.
[chewing noises]
[laughs]
- Why are you always using plastic silverware
in your videos?
- Because it won't be so harsh on the ears.
Because imagine someone taking a knife and fork
and just scraping it against--
- That's not relaxing.
[chewing noises]
- Mmm.
[silverware clacking]
- Lot of celery in this stuffing.
[munching]
[munching intensifies]
- Shh!
- What's your favorite food to eat?
- Actually, my favorite, favorite food to eat on camera
is a pickle.
[munching]
[chomping]
- So many pickle videos.
Why do you like pickles so much?
- Tastes like vinegar.
- Ugh! Vinegar's so gross.
Pork rinds?
- No, thank you.
- Don't mind if I do.
[crunching]
- Wow.
[laughs]
- Not good.
I want to ask about your crab leg video.
- Yeah. - You eat crab legs...
- Yeah. - Like an insane person.
[crunching]
Nobody starts by biting the knuckle.
You're eating just the body. Just was so--
I couldn't handle it.
- I'm so sorry.
- What's the most beautiful sound in the world?
- Raindrops.
- I was gonna say you eating hot Cheetos.
- [laughs]
[crunching]
It is crunchy.
- What's your favorite sound to fall asleep to?
- Tapping.
[tapping]
- Sounds like somebody's breaking in your house.
That's not relaxing.
Like a serial killer.
Tapping on the glass.
What's your favorite holiday?
- I love Thanksgiving.
I love smelling the food,
the pies, the macaroni and cheese,
the corn on the cob-- oh, my God.
- Corn on the cob?
That's out of season at Thanksgiving.
- No, it's not. - Yes, it is!
- No, it's not. - You don't have corn
on the cob at Thanksgiving. - Yes, you do.
- That's not true. - It comes out of the--
- No, there's no cobs--
- You can buy it frozen, you know.
- Nobody wants frozen corn on the cob.
- [laughs]
- Shh! - It.
What's your favorite pie?
- Sweet potato pie.
- That's not-- it's not even that good.
- It is! Pumpkin pie sucks.
- I hate pumpkin pie too.
- I can't stand it. Why do people eat pumpkin?
- Ugh. - Oh, my gosh, a wishbone.
- [gasps]
You won. You get to make a wish.
Now I get three gravy wishes.
Do you have any favorite ASMR artists
that you like to listen to?
- [laughs]
[laughing]
- Is this a weird question?
I don't even know what I've stumbled across.
- Well, I actually don't really want to say,
but I do listen to a young guy
and he pretends to be a doctor.
- Oh, you got a little freak in you, huh?
- [laughing]
Oh, my God.
- There's nothing to be ashamed of.
You want a little doctor talking to you at night.
- Happy birthday, America.
- It's time to go around the table and say
what we're all thankful for.
- I'm thankful that I moved across the country
to get away from you buttholes.
And I'm thankful for Rihanna.
- I'm thankful for Trump.
- Trump.
- Trump!
- Pickles.
[jar lid squeaking]
[sloshing]
[crunching]
[baby crying]
[thud, baby screams]
- That's better.
My parents made Spirit and me sleep in different beds.
Such prudes.