it's the last day of Mental Health Awareness Month and because of that I
wanted to be open and honest with all of you guys about my current state of
mental health my antidepressants and hopefully some of you can relate to it
what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired so where we talk about the
problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel typically what
I do is a little bit of social commentary but something I am big on is
mental health awareness decreasing this stigma and all that stuff so anyways if
you're into that make sure you subscribe and bring that notification belt so
before I get started it is mental health awareness month and a young woman by the
name of Katie reached out to me and she just started a mental health channel
here on YouTube her name is Catherine she's a young woman doing some awesome
things opening up about her mental health answering question she has a lot
of experience she has been diagnosed since she was at a young age so please
please please do me a favor if I've ever provided you with any value here on my
channel do me a favor and go subscribe to Kathleen while she is doing some
awesome things she talks about not only anxiety depression bipolar disorder but
also she's been diagnosed with fibromyalgia so go check out her channel
alright so yeah anyways I've been debating on making this video but I want
to talk about it and if this video is like different or I sound different it's
because one of the things about mental health and when you're struggling like
sometimes it gonna be hard to put it into words so I'm gonna do my best in
this video to put it into words but yeah a couple weeks ago maybe I talked about
struggling with depression and how it might not be depression and I I don't
know what it was but I think I just got caught on an upswing and I was like okay
cool maybe that's not what it is and maybe it's still not what it is but I'll
explain to you how I talk to my doctor and everything like that but anyways I
have been dealing with apathy lately and it is just so weird
so confusing and to be honest it's freaking me the hell out all right and
part of this video is if there's anything that you take away from this
it's don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help
talk to your doctor don't be afraid to take medications adjust your medications
and everything like that but I've just felt numb all right I have felt so numb
and the reason why that's really weird for me is because I'm a very emotional
person right like I've made a lot of videos discussing like emotional
regulation like most people you know they they get you know they get happy or
they get sad or they get nervous or they get angry but my emotions they go to
extremes and something that I've worked on for many years now is like dealing
with these extreme emotions but learning how to respond rather than react when
I'm lucky but it's it's helped me just kind of keep moving forward like I'm
able to harness it into a passion like a passion for work a passion for making a
video video passion from doing a podcast a passion for writing a passion for
helping other people like I'm able to turn that into this fuel and it's like
this driving force right so like something that I learned a long time ago
cuz a lot of us you know we don't like our mental illness or anything like that
but I've I've learned over the years to kind of turn it into this energy in this
you know I kind of think of it as like a superpower it keeps me going and it
helps me succeed and progress and everything but like this this month
maybe it's just the last couple weeks two to three weeks like it's just been
gone it feels like it was just yanked out of me and I don't know how to
explain it it's this numbness right and the only thing that I can remember
feeling similar to this was back many years ago I'm coming up on seven years
sober next month and many many many years ago before I got sober like when
when you're drinking or using for a long time and you
become dependent and you're abusing the hell out of it like you become numb and
back then like I just didn't have any emotions I remember like trying to be
happy or trying to be you know sad or anything like that it was just like this
flatline and so I honestly haven't even experienced that since I've been sober
and for some reason it's happening now right and it's it's very confusing and
sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions but something that
keeps me going is I know it's going to pass like I know it's gonna pass I am
NOT going to be this way forever but some of you might be able to relate to
this like when you get into a difficult mental state it can feel like it's going
to last forever but nothing ever lasts forever that's one of the reasons that I
love Buddhist philosophy as they talk about impermanence everything kind of
flows like I don't know how long this is gonna last but I'm taking steps to
overcome it and deal with it right but anyways it's weird too because it's not
constant right so it's not like from the time I wake up until the time I go to
sleep I'm just completely numb but it is most of the day there are certain times
during the day and something I try to do is kind of analyze what I'm doing what's
going on and everything like that and see if there's like something that
triggers like you know that emotion back in me and everything you know but like
for example I notice just the other day some of you who follow me on Instagram
by the way follow me on Instagram my best friend was in town and we went out
and we hung out with her for like most of the afternoon we went to this awesome
vegan restaurant and everything and anyways like my mood started to shift
and change so like I don't know if it was being around and interacting with
you know other people out there because most of my most of my job is I work from
home and I make youtube videos and do the podcast and you know everything like
that and I go out and about you know I go grocery shopping and did I go to
movies with my son and you know all that stuff but I think it was that human
interaction so I try to look at that I'm like okay well do I need to do that more
what is it but there are even times while we were hanging out wear it just
like the emotion just kind of left and you know it just I don't know I've been
trying to use it to my benefit like when it comes to creating content and
everything like that like it's just like it's kind of like man I don't care you
know I'll just put it out there and it's like yeah however you react you reacted
like in that aspect of it I guess it's kind of good because us content creators
you get all wrapped up like are they gonna like it are they gonna hate it
what are they gonna say you know all these other things that I'm just very
mad you know but it's it's difficult because like usually when I sit down to
make a video and I've I've definitely had some videos where like that passion
comes I'm like I need to talk about this I want to talk about this you know and
and that helps but sometimes like there's been a couple days where I've
done like one video and like or a livestream or whatever and it's just
because I didn't feel like doing something else you know what I mean like
anyway is what I ended up doing was I texted my doctor so I've been on the
medication lexapro off and on for the last seven years since I got sober
lexapro is a non-narcotic antidepressant anti-anxiety medication and I've been on
that and there's been times I mentioned this in another video I did like I'm a
recovering pill addict I don't like being on medications but I know I need
to be on medications but I've tapered off of them and gotten back on them and
everything like you know I've made plenty of videos on that in the past and
something I did a while back was my doctor switched me to Prozac so one of
the reasons she switched me to Prozac was just lexapro can have a wide range
of side effects like if any of you have been all mics a pro you probably know
that and one of the side effects one of the side effects of lexapro
is the feeling I have right now like the numbness right and I don't know I've
been trying to do it my own way for the last couple weeks just you know doing
everything and become my kind of metaphorical mental health toolbox
trying this find that and talking to people I've been trying
to do you know anything I can and finally finally I'm like Chris what are
you doing like talk to your doctor talk to your doctor and luckily I
literally have the most awesome doctor on earth right and I ended up texting
her and I was like hey so here's what I'm dealing with like what are your what
are your thoughts like like should I come in is there a different medication
I should be on or you know whatever and and yeah she talked to me and she said
well one of the one of the side effects of lexapro she like reminded me is this
you know apathetic feeling like this numbness or whatever so I asked her
because I still had refills on Prozac I'm like okay well do you think I should
come in or do you think I should try prozac first or whatever and she's like
let's do this get back on the prozac because I was
already kind of weaning down from the lexapro I was taking half of it after
talking to her always talk to your doctor before messing around with your
medications at all so yeah so I talked to her so this is day two of being on
Prozac and yeah it's still it's still the same but that's the thing too like
again like we can get caught up in these thoughts of this is gonna last forever
this is just how it's gonna be but like prozac and any antidepressant
really I know it can take time to kick in alright and like that's what we all
need to know like there's so many people out there who think like oh they'll just
take the medication you're just happy in the side no it's not how it works
takes time for the body to adjust so if my body's gonna adjust from getting off
of the lexapro getting under pros I so I know it can
take a while so I'm gonna stay on it for you know two to six weeks and follow up
with my doctor and see how it's going but for right now if anybody else can
relate to this like basically like what I'm doing is I'm just I'm being very
mindful of what my mood states are what's happening again just so I can
kind of be aware of when it's happening when it's not happening I've been very
open with my beautiful girlfriend Tristan so she knows you know so like I
think it's important to in a relationship so
like she doesn't think that I'm like depressed because of her or I don't love
her anymore like I've been open with her and honest and just like yo like this is
what's happening to me so when I get into my states are just
kind of like low energy and numbness you know like she understands like I'm going
through something and she talks to me and you know she she reminds me of
different things and suggestions and have you tried this or tried that and
you know what I mean it's probably giving her a little bit of a break dear
so I'm usually just run it around all full of energy and everything but
anyways I think it's really important to be open and honest with the people in
your lives because a lot of us like if somebody out starts acting different
around us we think it has to do with us so I feel it's important to let them
know like know listen like hey there's something going on with me right now I'm
trying to fix it you know I'm trying new medications I'm doing all these other
things you know whatever but anyways I'll say this on camera because I need
to do it but like something I need to start doing is going back into the gym
and everything like that like I know obviously like I make videos about this
stuff all the time like I know the things that I need to do to start you
know producing various neurotransmitters in my brain like serotonin and dopamine
endorphins and all that kind of stuff I know what I need to do so you know
another thing I'm going to start doing you know this coming week is going back
into the gym see how that affects my mood you know all sorts of stuff anyways
I just wanted to share with you guys my experience antidepressants like they're
important like you know if you think that you know you are struggling with
depression and you can't get out of it talk to your doctor like a psychiatrist
can you know obviously is the best option but like primary care doctors can
usually get you started and things like that and like I haven't gotten to a
place where it's so severe where I need to see a psychiatrist so I just talked
to my primary care doctor so do that like if you need to do that
and these medications are designed to get us to a baseline so we can function
to start doing other things you know what I mean but again before I let you
go do not forget to go check out Katy's channel it's
gonna be late down in the description below go check it out she's an awesome
young woman she's doing a lot of cool things with mental health go check her
out all right anyways that's all I got for this video if you like this video
please give it a thumbs up if you do make sure you subscribe and bring that
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the top on that patreon icon right there alright thanks again so so much for
watching I'll see you next time