(Karlee Steel) my dream is for you to analyze me and Conner
LMFAO we're so messed up and there are so many videos talking about how toxic
we are well Karlee you're in luck because here at the rewired salt we're all about
making dreams come true what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired
soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new
to my channel my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is
pull different topics from the YouTube community trying to teach you how to
improve your mental and emotional well-being so if you're into that stuff
make sure you subscribe and bring that notification bell and real quick I love
you all so so so much thank you for following me on Instagram a lot of you
know that I'm trying so so hard to get to 10,000 followers so I can get that
damn swipe up feature so if you haven't yet follow me over on Instagram and it's
awesome because I share amazing fan art like this look at this don't I have the
best subscribers on earth yeah I totally do so anyways this is a very interesting
video so full disclaimer and it's kind of a disclaimer but Karlee Steel and I
we've been talking for a few weeks now I got that comment that I read it to get
to of this video I'm like who the heck is this right so I went out and checked
her channel out and her and I have talked and then not long after we talked
she went through her breakup with Conner so we've been talking on the side I've
been you know just chatting with her and stuff she's kind of like kind of like a
friend little sister you know whatever and I've been giving her tough love and
when she posted this video I was talking about like oh girl because I've been
seeing all the live streams and stuff and I even sent her a free copy of
rewinding your anger on my girl you need to get off live stream but anyways so
you know I texted her and said yo I'm gonna check out your new video do you
want me to make a video about it and she's like sure I'm like I'm gonna give
you some tough love and she's like alright so first off like super proud of
her for that like we live in a really interesting time where people's like
lives are put out there on YouTube but like with with my channel growth and
some other youtubers getting upset about me talking about it you know whatever
like I'm here to show you like and I'm glad Karlee's being a
part of this this is how I talk to everybody all right this is how I talk
to my son some of you saw the video I did with my son is how I talk to my
friends is how I talk to my clients so Karlee
buckle up girl you about to get some tough love but as always I want all of
you to look at this situation with Karlee and Conner and ask yourself if you can
relate you know I'm gonna be talking about some healthy and very unhealthy
toxic things in this video so I definitely want you to take lessons from
this even though like I might be talking directly to Carly in this video I want
you to see how you can relate to this and see if you could take any of these
tips as well first off girl you started out with a diss track and like here's
the thing like so I might talk about pettiness a little bit in this video but
I will give I will give Carly a little bit of a pass just like a tiny bit of a
pass and the only reason why is because something that's very therapeutic for
mental health and especially when you're going through like a breakup or a tough
time is some kind of creative outlet all right for some people as drawing for
some people is you know exercising for me it's you know meditation or writing
or creating videos some of you it might be journaling Koli decided to write a
diss track so a little bit of a slack because putting her feelings out there
in some kind of musical form like maybe that that was helpful
alright she's been going to this bar and getting free drinks from the guy that
works there and this is the guy that she makes out with and goes home to my place
and sleeps in my bed with guys this is the girl you guys support this just
faked from her ass girl girl you and Connor both oh my god so Carly talked
about how this is the last time she's gonna talk about this or whatever and I
hope so I really hope so so Koli and I we talk on Instagram too and I get a
little notifications like Carly's going live and not long after the breakup
every other live street was just going hot corner but you know Carly included a
clip of Conor of course you know just saying like terrible things right but
you guys like talked about this recently with like
James Charles and things like that like when you are like emotionally charged it
is the worst time to go on social media so one thing I will definitely say about
Carly and Connor like both of them with very large followings like this has been
very public and messy and I'm glad that I get to be a part of this to hopefully
show you guys what's you know some good and bad examples all right but youtubers
in in general like I've talked a lot about Trisha Paytas and Jason Nash and
sometimes there's too much that's going on line but throughout this video I'm
going to talk about how cutter and Carly's relationship really should have
never gotten to this point because it seems like it was unhealthy for a very
very long time
so I only played a part of the clip right there and like it looks like Carly
recorded this in secret but you guys like don't ever ever I don't know when
this was recorded I don't know if it was how long it was before the breakup or
whatever but you can you can tell like there's talk of like abuse possibly even
physical abuse in this and like for any man or woman out there watching this
like you don't have to put up with that you do not have to put up with that
that's one of the reasons why I'm so hard on Trisha Paytas and Jason Nash
because I don't want anybody thinking that's normal like you guys like I've
been in abusive relationships like and it's weird for me to talk about it
because I'm a guy but I've had women being very verbally emotionally and even
physically abusive with me and I stayed in those relationships and one of the
reasons looking back on it and going through my own process is because I
thought I deserved it like me being who I was especially you know just growing
up the way I did with an alcoholic mom and did my addiction like I thought it
was a piece of crap so when people were treating me like that I felt that I
deserved it so something I tried to do with my channels try to instill you know
some sense of self worth and self love and self compassion like nobody nobody
deserves to be treated like that there was some mutual toxicity between
these two and we'll talk about that in a clip that's coming up that's how it live
someone he moved in with me it was like really hard and it's not his fault that
his mom didn't raise him that way or whatever but it just is really hard to
live with someone who is kind of like helpless and expects you to do
everything for them he expected his mother to do everything for him and then
I think he expected me to do everything for him alright so right here I had the
posit all girl girl girl girl so you guys pony is a great example I call a
girl I hope you learn from this this is why you don't move in with people too
soon what's interesting is that Kali said they waited like five months I've
seen people move in a lot a lot faster than this but you guys before you move
in with anybody you should have a full picture of who they are
alright so Tristan and I my beautiful girlfriend we just moved in together and
we've been together for two years two years so throughout those two years
she's been over to my house many times I had been over to her house we kind of
got a feel for like how each other live and you know we had this like
well-rounded picture so Luke Holly's talking about how she had like take care
of this guy and like to remind a blackfeet the freakin cats or like clean
or whatever it is these are things that should be known about a person before
you move in with them like 1000% and my suggestion for Carly or anybody else
who's watching this video who has been through a breakup like something I
forgot to mention at the beginning like this is a learning experience you guys
like so many of us dwell on the past and sometimes we beat ourselves up like why
did that say in this bad relationship why to do that that is not useful to you
like something I try to suggest is always stop and we're getting these
thoughts or if you're beating yourself up ask yourself is this useful or not
useful to me right so we could take these non useful things and turn them
into something that's useful so every terrible relationship you've been in is
a learning experience so Connor and Carly are both young and like my
suggestion for Carly or anyone out there no matter what age you are who's been in
a bad relationship use this as a learning experience so I
would hope Kali has learned for whatever her next relationship is not to move in
with somebody you have a full picture of that person
by the way down in the comments below let me know if you've moved in with a
significant other far to served sure I'm doing that and I'm like if you want to
be with me just grow up a little and change like I'm trying to start a family
with you I'm gonna be married with you but you
can't even take care of yourself let alone me or anybody else in the world
right here right here like this is why this is why all of you all of you all of
us me too we need friends who tell us what we need
to hear not what we want to hear right like when I was watching and we Carly
said like she wanted to marry this guy start a family with this guy I'm like at
what point like at what point does that sound like a good idea like it sounds
like things were like on the rocks from jump alright like from the beginning one
of her post says she put in the beginning of this was like something
from 2017 like wet we're in the we're in the relationship do we get to a place we
were like you know what I can see myself marrying this guy on having kids like
absolutely not and that's one of the issues that a lot of us have we get into
these bad relationships and then we want to take it to the next step right we
want to get married we want to have kids that's why you need to have people in
your life like like Carly like I'm glad that you know she's you know she's cool
with me making this video but like this is what I talked to my friends about
like I have so many friends who come to me for relationship advice and they'll
come to me and be like hey we're thinking about moving moving in together
whether you think da da da da da and I just give suggestions people are gonna
do whatever the hell they want to do I'm not a fool I know that but like if Carly
came to me she's like hey I'm thinking about marrying this dude like what the
hell is wrong with you and here's the thing it's really weird I've mentioned
this in a video before I had this weird self-awareness but I just didn't do
anything about it and what I mean by that is I would be in terrible
relationships with women and I knew how terrible was I knew that things weren't
gonna work out but still I would be thinking about marrying them still I'd
be thinking about moving in with them like that is just something that's
fascinating and maybe like when I you know as I continue to educate myself on
psychology in the mind and you know just whatever it is like I understand why
that is because those are the clear red flags like things
not going to work out in the future with this person not even gonna lie I picked
up a water bottle and I chucked it at him because I was bawling and I was
getting so fresher and he kept mocking me like it's disrespectful to mock
someone point-blank let alone your girlfriend that is crying it was rude I
picked up the water bottle and I stared at him and honestly I didn't think it
would hit him my aim is really bad but I hit him directly in the face and I think
that set him off so when that happened he like I don't know what he did he got
really pissed he went to the room and then I just kept staying in the kitchen
and then he tried to come back out and he kept mocking me again so I ran up to
him and then he pushed me and I like fell into a bunch and he told me I was
being dramatic and I was like bro I'm not being dramatic like you just pushed
me or nothing dramatic and he did not like punch me or anything like he'd
probably just pushed me because he thought it was gonna go attack him
because I literally just threw a water bottle at him so it's probably why but
he pushed me or whatever and I know it was wrong threw water bottle okay
bitches I know you messed up Carly you done messed up so now I bet you didn't
think this but I'm about to drop some neuroscience on all of you
so Carly talks about how you know she was trying to save their relationship
she was crying Connor was playing fortnight and then he
started mocking her okay and then she ended up throwing the water bottle at
him not cool okay Carly not cool that's why you need to read rewire your anger
by the way Carly just said do you have an audio version yet no I'm like now so
that that is kind of my bad because I know a lot of you are waiting for the
audio version of rewire your anger too but anyways I talk about things like
that in this book so we need to understand the neuroscience of what's
happening alright so Connor was triggering Carly
and when I say triggering I don't mean like the typical like triggering I'm
talking about the amygdala okay so the amygdala is responsible for fight flight
or freeze okay when we feel attacked and we feel like we're in danger even if
that's emotionally the fight flight or freeze response goes on so Carly's fight
response went on and she threw a water bottle at Connor again not cool in any
way shape or form then caught or retaliated because what happened as soon
as that water bottle hit caught his fight fighter feeders freeze
response went off okay so he gets on the offensive too and this is how mutually
toxic relationships work okay this is why I tell everybody to just back down
to back down and calm down get out of there okay because never never ever ever
ever in the history of arguments have you done something terrible to somebody
and they said oh you know what that's cool
because that's not how human biology works held it's not even how my animal
biology works okay so this is why it's so so so important for us to work on our
anger management then you combine this with the fact that Carly and Connor are
both very young so you've heard me talk about the prefrontal cortex so this is
responsible for impulse control as well as emotional regulation so not only are
you getting more angry than you would if you had a fully developed prefrontal
cortex but you're more likely to do something dumb because you don't have
any impulse control if you combine anger with poor impulse control you get bad
situations and this is why I think a lot of toxic relationships happen when
people are younger because of that poor impulse control because of that poor
emotional regulation again I've told you the way to counteract that especially if
you're like oh well everybody should do it everybody should meditate right by
the way you know what screw it Carly I'm calling you out right here right now in
this video I told Carly now one of her goals for 2019 needs to be to meditate
for five to ten minutes a day and I don't think she has Carly I know you're
gonna comment on this video you tell me if I'm wrong you tell me if I'm wrong
and you tell everybody your best reason why you don't have time to meditate for
five to ten minutes a day all right then by the way this is just public
accountability and I want all of you watching this to you tell me your best
excuse for why you're not meditating five to ten minutes a day I get a lot of
people who ask me like Chris you talk about mindfulness you talk about
meditation you guys I have about 700 videos on this channel look it up I've
done plenty of videos about meditation I've done videos about mindfulness apps
and everything my channel is partnered with the calm app
it's down in the description if you want to check that out but there's a ton of
apps out there my favorites Tom though alright so Carly stop meditating and get
your dang emotional regulation and impulse control under control girlfriend
finds out and his ex-girlfriend is when I say psycho she is psycho like psycho
like he cheated cheats on her all the time and she goes back because she's a
diamond snitch and she's just done like she's known and wenzer for being the
crazy exit right there right there is where I'm gonna be honest I turned off
the video Carly sorry yeah I turned off the video um this is when the video got
to a point where you know Carly was defending herself I get it
I absolutely get it but when I'm talking to somebody this is for all of you who
have friends were in lots of relationships or they go on you know or
you know there's some drama you know or whatever like we got a redirect him like
if Carly was sitting like in my office or we were hanging out and she started
going off on this thing about you know the person of Windsor and all this other
thing you know okay okay let's dial it back because what I'm always teaching
you guys is this is a lot easier to fix you than it is to fix everybody else
right because when we start just putting the fingers in I try to like justify our
behaviors and things like that right like I get it like Carly was getting
accused of cheating and then people started messaging kkona and all of that
stuff but again this is for all of the young people out there who like to party
like listen if you want to go party do your thing you just have to understand
the consequences that come with it alright not everybody who goes parties
has crazy stuff happen but if you constantly go out and party and hang out
with party people and people who are doing crazy stuff the more likely it is
for crazy stuff to happen to you alright like I am totally cool now like I not
only am I sober and I'm not telling you that you got to be sober to like I'm a
drug addict and alcoholic who's in recovery right but what I'm saying is
like my life is chill now I have a blast I have fun I hang out with my cats I
hang out with my beautiful girlfriend I hang out with my son I play video games
like you know I make youtube videos but like whenever I see stories about this
like you know when people go out partying or clubbing and all this crazy
stuff happens I'm like girl I do not miss that
alright but anyways I was talking to Carly and I and I
so do you feel like you got some closure now and she said yeah and that's good
you know one of the chapters in rewire your anger is the art of venting and
sometimes we got to do that you know for youtubers sometimes is making a public
video and I get it because people were invested in a relationship but for all
of you like it's about getting closure and moving forward one thing I will say
is in one of Carly's videos or live streams or something
she mentioned like yeah maybe later on Connor and I can get together don't do
it Carly or anybody out there if you're wondering why go watch the video I made
about Erica Costello and spoiled milk and all that stuff all right this was a
bad relationship learn from it grow find somebody better stay single for a while
if you have to all right but anyways let me know down in the comments below like
about how you've gotten over a messy relationship or how you learned let's
talk about this how did you learn what is what's the best lesson you learned
from a messy relationship that you were in let's talk about in the comments
below all right anyways again go follow me on Instagram
trying to get to 10 K please please please I just want to be able to swipe
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easier alright anyways that's all I got for this video if you like this video
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top right there alright thanks again for watching I'll see you next time