This week we're talking about relationships in a marriage
and today's topic is actually just as applicable in marriage
as it is in every relationship that you have.
Today I want to talk about communication.
Now, the Bible makes it clear
how important communication is.
In the Book of James he compares the tongue,
or communication, to a little rudder on a ship
that steers the big ship wherever it wants to go,
or to a little spark that sets a whole forest on fire.
In other words, communication is powerful.
It's why James goes on to say
that we should be quick to listen and slow to speak.
Why is that such good advice?
Well, because once it's out, it's out.
You can't take the words back into your mouth.
How many of you have ruined a nice evening with your spouse
or significant other because of something that you said
that you wish you could have taken back?
I'm sure that many of us would answer,
guilty as charged, right?
It's why people will say God gave you two ears
and one month, use those proportionately.
So when we do say something,
what do we want to say?
Ephesians 4 says this,
"Speaking the truth in love,
"we will in all things grow up into him who is the head
"that is Christ."
So first of all, in any relationship,
especially in a marriage,
we want to speak the truth,
but we want to do so in love.
In other words, you know that there's more than one way
to say the same thing.
One way that you can say it is in
a cold and heartless way
that tears the person down.
But the other way, and the way scripture wants us to say it
is a way that shows the other person
that you care about them, that you love them,
that you want to build them up.
In fact, that's what Paul in Ephesians goes on to say.
He says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk
"come out of your mouths,
"but only what is helpful for building others up
"according to their needs."
Only what is helpful for building others up.
Just pause on that for a second.
I've got a challenge for you
and I really want you to do this.
So tomorrow you're going to wake up
and you are only going to think
about what other people need, okay?
So that means that everything that comes out of your mouth,
everything you say is going to only be
to build other people up.
First of all, do you know how hard that's going to be?
And it will be hard.
I think we realize when we really intentionally
try to do that, how much of what we say
is really focused on self.
But secondly,
if you do that, even if you do it imperfectly,
do you know what kind of day that'll be?
It'll be an incredible day.
Not just because you built other people up,
but because of what happens when you build others up,
the natural thing for them to do
is to build you up as well.
And that's certainly how it works
in the marriage relationship.
Husbands and wives build each other up
and they feed off of one another.
Have you ever read the book of "Song of Songs"?
You might think that it's a little bit of a strange book
because many of the pictures and phrases that are used
in that book, we don't really use in everyday conversation.
But basically the "Song of Songs" is a love song
between husbands and wives.
I just want to read a little section about
how the husband speaks of his wife.
He says, "How beautiful you are, my darling.
"Oh, how beautiful.
"Your eyes behind you veil are doves,
"your hair is like a flock of goats
"descending from mount Gilead."
Ladies, if you had a nickel
for every time your husband told you that, right?
"Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn,
"coming up from the washing.
"All beautiful you are, my darling.
"There is no flaw in you."
So, as the husband speaks to his wife,
he praises her, he adores her, he builds her up.
And what do you think her response to that is?
Well, it's just the same.
She praises and adores and builds him up in return.
It's interesting that this is how Jesus speaks to us.
One of Jesus' favorite pictures for us,
his church in the Bible,
is to call us his bride.
And it's super interesting,
when you read scripture, he never talks about us
as the 2,000 year old hag who never gets anything right.
No, he only ever talks about us
as what he's made us to be, by his cross,
spotless, blameless, without blemish.
And so today you may not use
the words of "Song of Songs",
though if you do, just a tip,
it does break the tension a little bit
in an argument with your spouse.
But praise someone today.
Build somebody else up
because you've already, in Jesus,
been built up as far as you can go.
Let's pray.
Dear, Jesus, you call us your bride
and communicate your love for us in the word.
Motivate us by that love to communicate
to build up everyone else in our lives,
especially our spouses.
In your precious name I pray.
Amen.
Thanks for watching.
Today we talked about communication
and I just want to remind you of the challenge I gave to you
that I want you to live all of tomorrow
only thinking of how you're going to build other people up.
Put down ideas, post ideas on how you could build others up
and then after tomorrow, come back and tell us how it went.
God's blessings on your day.