Imagine the most herky, jerky, squish-the-person-next-to-you wooden rollercoaster you’ve ever been on.
Remember how it knocked you around like a pair of shoes in a dryer?
And how it took, f*cking, forever to get through the line?
And by the time you finally got off the damn thing, the corndog cart had long since moved
on, probably all the way to storybook forest?
Remember that?
Combine it with hockey.
And no, that’s not a pretend game, from storybook forest.
It’s NHL Stanley Cup, for the Super Nintendo.
So my, what beautiful Mode 7 you have…Super Nintendo.
See, that’s what a lot of developers said, back in the day.
Everyone was all excited about Mode 7, but rightfully so, it was technically impressive,
it looked cool…at least, in small doses…and it enabled some great games to be created.
Mario Kart; F-Zero; Star Fox; NHL Stanley Cup…
Alright, so maybe this game doesn’t belong in that conversation.
But I’ll tell you what, though.
Yesterday, I reviewed NFL Football for the Super Nintendo…and that’s another Mode
7 sports game, only terrible…and this game doesn’t belong in that conversation, either.
It may abuse Mode 7, it may be visually nauseating…
But this time, you’ll throw up and have fun.
Like a model, at an after party.
So I guess the best way to describe this is…it’s a 16-bit hockey game, but from an on-ice perspective,
that kind of plays like air hockey a little bit, and looks like you’ve been tied to
a merry-go-round, by the neighborhood bully.
Not that I’d know, what that looks like.
Point is, Stanley Cup seems like a weird idea that’s about 20 years ahead of its time.
It tried to fundamentally change the traditional perspective for hockey games, which is admirable.
Only problem was, Mode 7 wasn’t quite the technology to make it happen.
Only thing this changed is my pants.
Because I threw up on them.
So the thing about Mode 7 is…there’s a lot of spinning, that was half the point.
“Oh, look, the screen can spin now, it’s like we’re in 3D space.
“ Which is a cool technical thing, but not always applicable to gameplay.
Sports games, in particular.
Every time there’s a change in possession, the entire screen spins around.
And since possession changes all the time in hockey…
Well, obviously, it’s a dizzying experience at times.
Like, literally.
But again, I wouldn’t lump this one in there with the bad Mode 7 sports games, simply because
this one, despite its faults…is actually a lot of fun.
And impressive, too.
I mean, just in terms of core gameplay elements and how it operates…it actually feels kind
of modern.
You’re looking up the ice, you’re scanning the crease for open teammates…
Obviously, the tech isn’t there, but the experience is closer than you’d think.
Also, Gretzky and Mario, are close to unstoppable.
So more fun than you’re expecting, and in terms of its basic mechanics, it has a surprisingly
modern feel…but it’s obviously got problems.
Even if you set aside the spinning, it’s like…it runs kind of choppy, it’s tough
to see the puck at times…and actually, the gameplay has this strange, floaty kind of
feel.
Like I said, it’s almost like air hockey, like everything’s gliding.
But it’s got the NHL license, so you have all the teams.
No player names, but you’ve got the Nordiques, and the Whalers…see, that’s what I’m
talking about.
Those are hockey teams.
And that’s gotta be Gretzky.
Anyway, you look at a game like this, spinning around all the over place, looking like what
I’m assuming everything looks like, to Snoop Dogg…and you wonder…why I made a Snoop
Dogg joke in a hockey review, I have no idea.
That’s probably, two different demographics.
Point is, the game doesn’t look like it’s going to be a very enjoyable experience.
And although it’s not very enjoyable…it is kind of.
It’s got some decent graphics and sound, some forward-thinking mechanics, Lemieux is
a monster…great drinking game, too.
Play it with your friends, see who throws up first.
Loser cleans the carpet, in NHL Stanley Cup, for the Super Nintendo.