- Hi, I'm Brie Summers, author of the bestselling books,
"Success by Failing Up"
and "Stop Listening and Start Deflecting:
101 Ways to Tell Someone How They Feel."
Now, if you've ever had to deal with a stranger
that's a real jerk, you're probably wondering,
where'd this jerk learn how to be such a jerk?
Well, they probably learned it here, and so can you.
You with a few basic principles,
you can improve your life at the expense of others
and be a total f*****g prick, too.
Today's practical guide will teach you
how to be a jerk neighbor.
(upbeat music)
Step one, you know more about your neighbors
than most of their friends and family
just from the packages that arrive at their doorstep.
Ooh.
And from what they wear around the house
and the noises they make at night.
Oh ya!
Hey, how's that sex doll treating you?
Does it like the lingerie, or-
- Um, (beep) off, Brie.
I'm lonely and horny.
- Oh, hey hubby.
Where are you last night?
- I was at Kevin's.
Honey, we need to talk.
Can you carry the groceries?
I changed the locks.
- What?
- You can't be surprised by this.
You're awful on purpose.
- Well, I'm not leaving.
I like the neighborhood,
and the neighbors like me way more than they like you, so.
- No, no. - No.
- We don't.
- Not at all.
- Everybody in the neighborhood all got together and we-
- Well, we basically had a big neighborhood-wide meeting
about your behavior.
- What behavior?
- How to be a jerk in the neighborhood, Brie?
Let's talk about it.
- Lana, did you bring the hat?
- Sure did.
(upbeat music)
- Don't pick up after your dog.
- I'm Brie, and I love leaving out dog s**t.
(neighbor blows raspberry)
- Whether you're in a shopping center or a park,
or even the middle of the g*****n street,
it's important to slow down or stop completely
and only pay attention to your phone,
the only thing that matters, baby.
It's all about you.
- Why make too much noise in your own home
when you can make too much noise out in the neighborhood?
- I'm Brie.
Blah-blah-blah blah-blah-blah.
- You're vaping right into my house.
You're going to kill all my plants.
- f**k your plants.
- Wow.
(screen beeping)
- [Brie] Okay. We all get the point.
I'll take my show back now.
Here, watch this explainer.
(upbeat music)
Sometimes, like if you have to start your whole life
over again, there's a whole neighborhood
you can be a jerk to
within the confines of a single building,
like a big jerk funhouse
full of jerks being jerks to each other 24/7.
Here are some of the endless possibilities.
Move-in day is the opportunity
to make a terrible first impression.
Clog all the walkways, stairwells, and elevators,
and prop the front door open.
- [Woman] Oh, sweet. It's open.
I'm gonna take stuff.
- Hey, maybe she'll be my friend.
Once you're all moved in,
your best jerk tool is gonna be noise.
There are loud parties with loud music.
If you hear any noise from another unit,
like them complaining about your noise,
just make more noise.
You can always keep noise going throughout the night
by having loud sex, or in my case,
watching nature documentaries because I'm very, very alone.
Finally, don't forget to clog the pipes.
Everything's connected, and no one will ever suspect
that you willingly f****d up your own life...
pipes, pipes.
Yes.
It looks like my me-cation just got extended.
All right. Come on, guys.
Let's scram.
Mama needs some new digs.
Maybe I'll get couple hats while I'm there.
(upbeat music)