so there seems to be a um a pair of dogs
or contradiction on the one hand I've heard you many times many times I've heard you
say that even this would be giving the separate self some existence or or uh
indication of an existence on the other hand I've also heard you talk about spiritual bypassing when
we do not take responsibility for our actions or for taking a stand and the first question that
was asked about the responsibility for our choices in life seems to bring it up in me
um where it seems on the one hand if we do say that we're responsible we give the
separate self The credibility right in existence and on him not to do it
okay would be a spiritual bypassing okay so let me let me be really clear about this if anyone
writes a book about these matters has a YouTube channel has a meeting does
webinars has a website they are by definition making a concession to the separate self
if they stand up and say this is a radical teaching there is no separate self there's
nobody here there's nothing to do if they really thought that they would not be speaking
if there's nobody here then who are they speaking to does awareness need to hear
their talks and read their books no but who are they doing it for
the fact that they are doing it betrays the fact that they do think that there is somebody there to
listen and they do think that there is something for that person to do what do they believe that
person should be doing attending their meetings and reading their books otherwise they wouldn't
have the more redone so all teachings even the ones that say this is totally radical there's
nobody here there's nothing to do it's not true there are no radical teachings or the rather the
only radical teaching is silence so yes I am I make um compassionate concessions and but and
different amounts of concession depending on um one my mood and two as the person I'm speaking to
um who is the nice man yesterday couldn't decide
where to live was it Carlos Carla are you there Carlos
I was um I was a little Fierce with Carlos I I hope softly but I was I was pretty firm with
him yesterday very direct I felt a lot of love and affection for him I felt I kind of understood him
I thought you know I I I know your predicament and so I felt this close Affinity with him and
that gave me the confidence to be very bold with him but it was very bold I wouldn't and so that
was my mood I it was It was a I was just feeling strong and direct didn't want to compromise I just
wanted to give him the just clean clear straight well if somebody else had asked the same question
at a different time and if they'd been a different person I may have been less direct and and softer
it wouldn't have been less less true but there would have been some intuitive
feeling in me no don't don't be too radical either they'll just they'll just leave
that just it'll be counterproductive it won't help them it'll just make that predicament
worse I intuitively felt that Carlos was strong enough to take um and that so but as I said so
with another person I would have it's not I don't work it out it's spontaneous and intuitive but
another person would have the same question would have been listed a different answer so and that's
that's very important about the the non-dual the expression of the non-dual understanding is that
I feel strongly that it needs to be tailored in the moment to each person to and that
one of the Hallmarks of a genuine teaching is a teaching that is not principled that doesn't
always say the same thing in response to all the different questions but tailors the understanding
sensitively uniquely question by question and therefore might seem to contradict its self
if you compare what what was said to one person yesterday and another person this morning they
may appear to say the opposite things no they're not the opposite theme because they come from the
same understanding but they're tailored uniquely to the two different situations and a teaching
that always says that the same thing there's nobody here there's nothing to do in response
to all questions or ask yourself the question um who am I or where do your thoughts come from
that that's a mechanical answer it's a beautiful answer there's nobody here there's nothing to do
it's a beautiful answer when it's exactly the right answer on those rare occasions when it's
appropriate that ask yourself ask yourself the question who you know somebody raises it
a question I feel upset about this so who is the one that is upset is the it's the classic
self-classic self-inquiry that's fine that that's a that's a that's a good answer occasionally
but just to use that as a as a mechanical technique betrays for me either of those two
answers used mechanically and you can tell whether it's mechanical mechanical because
they're the answers that are given to every question to me that betrays that the teaching
is not coming from the right place it says the right things but it's not coming from the right
place because it's not coming from the right place it's not really the non-dual teaching
it appears to be but it's coming from the memory it's coming from the past I would far rather hear
someone respond spontaneously in the moment and perhaps perhaps couch their answer in in
conventional dualistic terms that would seem to um credit the ego with its own existence
that would that would um condone the existence of the I'd far rather hear a response like that but
that and yet feel that the response came from understanding albeit tailored to this person's
understanding than to hear perfect non-dual words spoken mechanically in response to every question
so that's why you'll sometimes hear contradictions that's why sometimes I I will not give the
ego any wiggle room at all I just undermine it
and like I did last night with Carlos when and other times I might seem to be
far more tolerant of it very gentle with it very very soft and and accommodating
so for us the saint choice I feel comes up also from the position of the self when we have
afflicting emotions that arise or situations other challenges so I feel I feel in my in my experience
I also have to make a choice that's right whether whether I take the approach to say a form a firm
no yeah so any any sort of guidance for us to follow it has to be spontaneous to just so you you
um do you have a feeling of um a feeling of jealousy arises you either get to be tough
with yourself on whose behalf does the jealousy arise prices on behalf of me who is this me can
I find this jealous self you go inside can you do you find a jealous self if you go and say no
you find feelings and the space of awareness but you never find a jealous self in between
the space of awareness and the jealous feeling so that that's being very clinical you just
undermine the the feeling that it's that it's all right or you might take the the tantric
approach you feel yourself as the open empty loving space of awareness and you might welcome
the feeling embrace it kiss the toad so one would appear to undermine the separate self
at the heart of the feeling the other would embrace it and which to take that's you have to
that's for you to know it you have to experiment with that in practice I would recommend at
different times applying both approaches because they're both very effective and they work and you
can't apply them at the same time but I would recommend you use both approaches in your life
thank you very much and then of course the same goes in our relationship with other individuals
in in a not not in a teaching situation or a formal therapy session but just when you're
when you're with friends or family sometimes you may be very tolerant and compassionate of some
egoic and burst and sometimes less tolerance is a bit more
clinical so we like that both with ourselves and and with others and what how do we choose between
the two it's just sensitivity and intuition yeah I find that also those kind of Methods at least in
my life it seems change throughout my experiences and where I am at a certain point in my life
yeah and of course some characters are a sharper some are softer ideally we want our range to be
as wide as possible so we're not always soft and I always pinnacle we have a full range
both in relation to ourselves and in relation to to others that that makes us a broad human being