Hey there it's clay with modern love.life. In this video, we're going to be talking
about how to get your power back from an ex. After a breakup, many times after a breakup,
it can feel like your whole world is sort of shuffled around and many times there is this sort
of rift that appears between you and your ex your partner. Oftentimes this rift is probably what
actually caused the two of you to break up in the first place. But it's basically the fact that the
two of you don't see each other as being on the same team. You see each other as being on opposite
teams. That's why most relationships hit on tough times. And it's why most relationships that ended
in break up actually ended up breaking up. And if that dynamic stays in place, it can be really easy
and understandable if you and your ex start to get into this, like really sort of competitive power
struggle kind of thing, where it's like, well, which one of us has moved on first?
Oh, you lost out because I was so much better. Um, oh look, I, I dated someone first. Oh, look,
I got married first, all that sort of stuff. Right. And you can do that if that's what you
want to do. People often look at this whole kind of situation as like a power struggle.
And, uh, you know, there's a lot of people out there that do treat this like a power
struggle. You know, they say, Hey, you know, you got to show your ex that you're the
prize that you're better than them, that their life sucks without you. And you got to like beat
them into submission so that they recognize that you are the better person. And they feel like crap
because they missed out on being together with you or something like that. And then they'll
crawl over broken shards of glass and confess their love for you and beg and plead and get
you to take them back or something like that. And, okay, fine. If that's the game that you want
to play, you can do that, but it is going to be a power game. What I'm going to tell you to do is a
little bit counterintuitive to that, and that is to choose to not play the power game. So,
you know, you can play a power game. If you want to just know that you're playing a power game and
be prepared for the consequences of playing a power game. And that is that like, okay,
if this is a game, that's all about power, then the goal is to acquire as much power as possible.
And the consequence of having as much power as possible is that you may not be able to get the
same outcomes as if you were playing some sort of different game. Like if you were playing a game
where you, uh, you know, wanted to be in a great relationship, that may not be the same outcome as
playing the power game, right? So if you play the power game,
you may not get into a great relationship. If you play the great relationship game,
okay. You can be in a great relationship, but you may not end up with the most power in the world.
This is like, this is one of the main problems I have with all this like reverse psychology,
mind game stuff that people have out there. You can do it. If you want to, you can play that game.
If you wanna play it, uh, just, just acknowledge that you're playing it and get real and say like,
okay, I get it. This is what I'm doing. I'm okay with the consequences of playing the power game.
I'm okay with the, the, the consequences of playing the, you know, whoever cares the least
game I'm okay with the consequences of playing, you know, the jealousy game or whatever might be,
that's fine if that's what you want to do, but at least for me and the people that I want to work
with, hint, there's the, there's the elbow. You know, if you want to work with me, uh,
the people that I want to work with are people that want to play the game of being in a great
relationship. Okay? So if you want to be in a great relationship, you're going to have to let
go of the power game. You're going to have to let go of the jealousy game, the mind control game,
the mind games, game, the reverse psychology game, all that sort of stuff. And you're going
to want to play the game. That's like, Hey, here I am. I want to be in a great relationship. When
you start to do that, you're going to take power back from this whole idea of like, Hey, I need to
accumulate as much power possible. What happens is the less you pay tension to the pull power thing,
the better your life gets. And the less effected you start being by these,
uh, perceived attempts to take power away from you. Okay. So when you start investing less in
who has more power, who looks like they're moving on faster, who looks like they got the better deal
out of this or whatever, and you, instead, you just focus on living your own best life.
You're going to come across as a lot more powerful, ironically enough. Um, not that
that matters to you because you're more focused on like, Hey, this is my life. How am I going
to live the best life that I can? Um, what's most important to me? Is it like, you know, embodying
certain qualities? Is it being loving? Is it starting some sort of kick business? Is it, um,
getting this under control? Is it buying a house? Is it moving to a certain part of the world?
Is it traveling around the world? Is it like whatever it might be? I don't know,
start living into your values and doing what's most important to you and stop investing so much
in, am I losing power? Am I gaining power and all that stuff like that? That is like super
insecure behavior. Okay. People who are fixated on power are generally like really, really,
really insecure. They're constantly scanning their environment around them, looking for like,
Hey, is that, is that a sign that you're like, you know, getting more power than me? Is that a
sign that I'm like coming across as like, you know, someone less powerful? Is that a sign
that, uh, you know, you're, you're trying to put me down or something like that. There's like,
so caught up in this kind of like paranoid world of like trying to defend this like little
thing that they think is valuable that really nobody cares about, um, that they,
they totally miss the big picture. They're so caught up in the power game that they forget what
it is they actually want. Like, nobody wants just power for the sake of power. Like, I mean, unless
you're some sort of like megalomaniac or something like that, but, uh, again, not interested
In working with megalomaniac. So, you know, elbow
In the ribs right there. If you want to work together with, with all clay here, the people
that, that have great relationships, aren't playing the power game. They're, they're playing
the great relationship game. They're playing the Hey, I want to live the best life that I can gain.
And again, it's fine. If you don't want to play the, I can live the best life that I
can gain. It's fine. If you don't want to play the awesome relationship game,
it's fine. If you do want to play the power game, it's fine. If you do want to play the game,
that's about whoever cares, the least controls the relationship. It's fine. If you want to play
the game of like, Hey, let's look good for Facebook or Instagram by
making it seem like our life is perfect game that's okay. Just know that the end goal,
the end outcome of winning those games, isn't necessarily a great relationship.
Is that okay with you? If you want to have a great relationship, focus on living your best life,
focus on what it takes to actually have a great relationship living the best life you can,
living in alignment with your values going after what you want in life, uh, holding boundaries,
when you need to eliminating people that aren't the right person for you from your life sooner,
rather than later, so that you have the space to actually welcome the right person,
uh, maximizing your exposure to the right type of people. Um, actually doing what you can do
to invite someone, to get closer to you, to be open, honest, genuine, vulnerable,
and emotionally connected with you. And if they are emotionally available,
awesome. Take it to the next level. If they're emotionally unavailable again, let them go.
You have more space to, to bring in the right person, but you're not focused on like, oh,
Does this somebody coming to see, oh, powerful, like an old, powerful genie.
Sorry. My daughter is two. She likes Disney films. So like, are we playing the power game or are we
playing the great relationship game? Are we too busy trying to be the wicked corrupted Vizier
Jafar? Or are we just going to be, you know, someone who was like, Hey, you know what? I don't
care if I have like power. I don't care about that. I just want to have a great relationship.
Someone whose arms I can rest into at the end of the day and just know that they love me for,
for me and not because I've beaten them into submission and shown them that I am the boss
or anything like that. But it's just like, no, I love you for you. And you have made for me, let's
create this beautiful life together. And if that's the kind of dynamic you want, probably the power
game is not right for you invest in your own life, invest in making the best of yourself, work on
what you can do to bring yourself into alignment with your own values and live into that.
By the way, if you like these videos that I do, please make sure you hit that thumbs up button for
the YouTube algorithm. It does help us out a lot. It's a free way to support the channel. Again,
genuinely powerful. People are out there living their best lives. They're not out there living
this sort of insecure, neurotic kind of thing, where they're constantly like looking out for
threats and danger. They're, they're just living their best life. And they're doing things that are
important to them. They're, they're doing things that are important to them and they're letting the
cards fall over. They may. And just being like, you know what, if you want to see me as powerful,
cool, if you want to see me as weak, whatever, I don't care what you think about me. I'm my life
is about this. I'm going for this either, you know, come with me or get out of the way.
Um, and that's, that's, that's really all, all that you gotta do. And that's how you win this
game of having a great life. And that's how you win this game of having a great relationship.
You say, Hey, I want to have a relationship. It looks like this. This is where I'm going. This
is what I call about. Do you want to come with me on this journey and be my partner? If so,
awesome. If not get out of the way and make room for someone who might be the right person for this
anyway, um, if you do want some help with, um, you know, making sure that you are emotionally
prepared for the best relationship that you can, if you want to be able to work through some of the
issues from your breakup, I would recommend you check out our course called emotional
freedom. You can find that right down in the description box below or@modernlove.life slash E F
that's modern love.life/e as in emotional and F as in freedom. See what we did there. Um, but yeah,
go ahead and check that out. And once again, if you like these videos hit that thumbs up button
for the algorithm, subscribe to the channel, and I will see you next time, please take care.