(APPLAUSE) >> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
(APPLAUSE) THANK YOU.
I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE DOING GREAT, TODAY A LADY AT ALBERTSONS TOLD
ME I LOOKED LIKE PETER DIRNG DINKLAGE.
I TOOK IT AS A COMPLIMENT, BUT YOUR LAUGHTER IS COMPLICATING
THAT A LITTLE BIT.
I'M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE, THIS SAY VERY BIG DEAL FOR ME.
I'M THFIRST PERSON IN MY FAMILY BORN IN THE YEURNLTED
STATES.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) SO GROWING UP MY PARENTS PUT A
LOT OF PRESSURE ON ME, IMMIGRANT PARENTS ALWAYS WANT YOU TO BE
LIKE A DOCTOR OR LIKE A LAWYER.
MY PARENTS WANTED ME TO BE AN ASTRONAUT.
THEY HAD BEEN-- THEY'VE BEEN IN THE COUNTRY FOR THREE YEARS AND
THEY WABBED MY DUMB ASS TO GO TO SPACE.
I THINK THEY FORGOT THAT THEY'RE THE HARDWORKING IMMIGRANTS.
I'M AN AMERICAN.
MY DREAM IS TO GET HIT BY A WAL-MART TRUCK AND GET PAID FOR
THE REST OF MY LIFE.
(APPLAUSE) I'M LATINO OR LATINX IS THE TERM
WE SHOULD BE USING NOW, YEAH.
THE WORD LATINO IS GENDER BIASED T IS NOT INCLUSIVE.
THAT IS NOT COOL.
BUT LATINX SOUNDS LIKE A MEXICAN BUG SPRAY.
(LAUGHTER) YOU GOT COOKA RACHA USE LATINE,
THE OFFICIAL BUG KILLER OF-- (LAUGHTER)
MY WIFE IS WHITE, SHE'S REAL WHITE, SHE'S JOE BIDEN.
(LAUGHTER) I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
NO, I'M JUST CAN IING.
SHE'S NOT JOE BIDEN.
SHE IS FROM IOWA THOUGH.
I DONE KNOW IF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN TO IOWA.
BUT IT IS NOT VERY DIVERSE.
I WAS THERE FOR CHRISTMAS.
I WAS THE ONLY BLACK BUY THERE.
I WAS THE ONLY BLACK GUY THEY HAD EVER SEEN.
(LAUGHTER) HER DAD WAS LIKE ARE YOU SCOTTIE
PIPEN.
I WAS LIKE READ A BOOK.
I LOVE MY WIFE, SHE'S AWESOME.
SHE'S GREAT BUT THERE IS ALWAYS LITTLE REMINDERS THAT WE ARE AN
INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP.
YOU KNOW, RECENTLY WE'RE HAVING SEX AND SHE SAID SOMETHING SHE
NEVER SAID BEFORE.
YEAH.
SHE SAID SPEAK SPANISH TO ME.
YEAH.
I WAS LIKE QUE?
(LAUGHTER) SPEAKING SPANISH CREEPY BECAUSE
IT WASN'T EVEN BEFORE SFNTLE SHE WASN'T LIKE HEY, I THINK IT IS
HOT WHEN YOU SPEAK SPANISH.
MAYBE WE CAN TRY THAT SOMETIME.
IT WAS DURING SEX, SHE WAS LIKE SPEAK SPANISH TO ME.
I WAS LIKE IS THIS A RAID, I KNOW MY RITS.
(LAUGHTER) IT MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE, YOU
KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS BUT THERE ARE WHITE GIRLS OUT
THERE THAT HAVE A LATIN FETISH.
IT'S TRUE AND IT'S ALWAYS KIND OF WEIRD.
THEY WILL CORNER YOU AT A MARYT, WALK RIGHT UP TO YOU AND BE LIKE
SO I HEAR ARE YOU FROM LOS ANGELES.
(LAUGHTER) I LIVE IN SANTA MONICA BUT I'M
ORIGINALLY FROM CHICAGO.
(LAUGHTER) SOMETIMES THEY'RE NOT SO FORTH
RIGHT, YOU KNOW ABOUT THEIR FETISH, SOMETIMES THEY ARE
SNEAKY ABOUT T YOU KNOW.
SOMETIMES YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THEY HAVE A LATIN FETISH UNTIL THEY
LEER LURE YOU BACK TO YOUR BEDROOM PUT A SUM BRERO ON YOUR
HEAD AND GO LET THE RHYTHM TAKE YOU OVER.
>> I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE OBJECTIFIED.
I DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN AS A LATILOVER, I DON'T SEE MYSELF
AS A LATIN LOVER, IF YOU THROW A ROSE AT ME, WILL I CATCH IT IN
MY MOUTH, YEAH, WE ALL CAN.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
IT IS DAY ONE STUFF BUT THAT DOES NOT DE FINE ME.
YOU YOU GO I DECIDED TO GO FOR T I KNOW MY WIFE DOESN'T HAVE A
FETISH, YOU KNOW, SO I AM LIKE ALL RIGHT, I LET'S DO THIS, I
WILL SPEAK SPANISH, SO I START WITH THE BASICS.
YOU KNOW.
AY.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) YEAH, GOING PRETTY GOOD, YOU KNOW.
I AM NOT A BIG DIRTY TALKER THOUGH SO I AM RUNNING OUT OF
STUFF TO SAY, SO I JUST GO I START NAMING OBJECTS IN THE ROOM
EL BANO GRANDE.
QUESTION PASA.
>> SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT I AM SAYING, HER SPANISH IS WORSE
THAN A THOUGHTMENT SHE THINKS I'M ANTONIO BANDERAS RIGHT NOW.
SHE IS TURNED ON SO I TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION, I
START SAYING WHATEVER, YOU KNOW, (SPEAKING SPANISH) WHICH MEANS
I'M GOING TO STUFF A BUNCH OF CHINESE NEWSPAPERS IN YOUR
NISSAN AT MA AND IT IT WAS THE BEST SEX WE EVER HAD.
BECAUSE WE BOTH WON.
SHE GOT HER LATIN LOVER FANTASY AND I GOT TO ASK HER BOOBS WHERE
THE LIBRARY IS.
YOU GUYS ARE A LOT OF FUN, MY MIME IS CHRIS GARCIA.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>>ames: CHRIS GARCIA, EVERYBODY.
FROM WNYC.
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY.