My husband always corrects me. My name is Paul Friedman. I'm the founder
of The Marriage Foundation and if your husband is always correcting
you it is frustrating. It's no fun.
In both of my books and in the courses that we offer
I talk about that. Correcting is a form of criticism,
Isn't it? A form of condemnation, and in communication, it shouldn't be
occurring but the other side of that
is how you handle it. So, for sure you should learn about
marital communication which is different from all other forms of
communication and I cover it well in both of my books
but you really should learn that what he is doing
because there's two parts of communication. There's the
part where you're communicating to and the part where you're receiving
communication, and the problem here is not
his criticism of you, his correcting you -- that isn't the real problem.
The real problem is how your mind perceives it
and if it were your husband looking for this
answer, I would say the same thing because this
transcends gender. It's the same.
We're all individuals and as an individual
it's very interesting, we are human beings that's what we call
ourselves. Well, what does that mean? That means
we're a soul, pure and this is not a religious thing
but we're souls and we have a body, and we have a mind. And the body the
biological body is comprised of trillions of cells, every cell
and you know this when you took biology. Every cell is only known to be alive
because it has a drive to survive -- that's it. That's how you know when
something's alive.
Cells don't breathe but it has a drive to survive
and put trillion together and it becomes a collective drive to survive
and it's telling your mind what to do. So, think in terms of
an animal body with a drive to survive it's defensive. It's naturally defensive.
All of us are defensive. I don't care if you consider it an insult
for me to say you're being defensive because
you the soul are not but you the soul aren't operating right here. What's
happening is your mind is telling you that he's attacking you.
Correcting you is attacking you and so the mind sets up this defensiveness
and becomes angry, resentful, put off -- you name it. We all act
differently based on our individual traits.
So the reality is that you have to condition
your filters and your reactions to your husband's propensity to be
correcting you. You're not going to change him. You're
not going to fix this problem that he has
and it's his problem. You need to learn how to
dodge the bullets, how to catch them and put them down, how to not take it
personally -- that's what it's all about. I don't think
there's any better because I used to teach
communication. There's no better chapter on this
than in my books. You don't have to be frustrated
anymore but you do have to learn about it. You have to understand it so
it's not this colossal problem. It won't be a problem at all when you
understand it. Problems always come from a lack of
understanding. There's an old saying "above all you're getting is get
understanding" because it solves all of the mysteries, it
solves all of the problems. It lets you know what's going on
and then you can approach it realistically.
So bottom line, you're not going to change your husband
but you don't ever have to be affected by it ever again.
I hope this was useful for you. It's a little bit of a complicated subject
but understand his problem of being a corrector
should not translate into you having a problem and feeling abused by
it. All right. Blessings to you!
Blessings to your husband! Blessings to your family!
And trust me, this is very very easily solved. You just got to get a little bit
of education more than we could do in a YouTube video
but it's easy enough. Get one of the books.
Bam! You'll have this under control. Take care and subscribe. Learn
more about marriage. God bless! Take care!