-Now, NBC held the first Democratic presidential debates
a few weeks ago, and they were fine,
but I had one complaint -- Not enough candidates.
So we decided to hold a debate of our own.
All the candidates are right here, right now,
not split into two nights.
So without further ado,
here's the "Late Night" Democratic presidential debate.
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Welcome to "Late Night"'s
first 2020 Democratic presidential debate.
I'm your moderator, Seth Meyers. Let's jump right in.
Vice President Biden,
you haven't talked about any specific policies
and have committed several major gaffes.
What's the one reason you think you're still ahead in the polls?
-President Obama.
[ Laughter ]
-Mr. Yang, what have your friends been doing
since you told them you were running for president?
-They've been laughing their asses off.
[ Laughter ]
-Senator Sanders, what do you like to complain about?
-Every damn thing.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm sorry, Senator Bennet,
why do you keep looking into the audience?
-I see my mom. -Oh.
[ Laughter ]
Mayor Buttigieg, why did you throw a Sudoku book
across the stage before the debate?
-Because I couldn't get it done.
[ Laughter ]
-Senator Sanders, what would you say to people who say
that it's just not possible to combine French fries,
gravy, and cheese curds?
-My neighbor 50 miles North of me, Canada,
somehow has figured out a way.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Senator Warren, some people have said
you don't know how to have fun.
How do you like to relax in your free time?
-Watching climate change bear down upon us.
[ Laughter ]
-Senator Klobuchar, I heard rumors that you took CBD oil
before the debate tonight. Why?
-Everything else just melts away.
[ Laughter ]
-Congressman O'Rourke, what has Bernie Sanders done
that you respect the most?
-Withstood the test of time for the last 243 years.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Secretary Castro, what would be a good name
for a Steven Seagal movie set in a fertility clinic?
-"Reproductive Justice."
[ Laughter ]
-Congresswoman Gabbard, if a chicken hawk
kept his chicken hawk fork in his chicken hawk drawer,
where would he keep his chicken hawk dishes?
-His chicken hawk cabinet.
-Yes! [ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Vice President Biden,
what's the Statue of Liberty been up to lately?
-Still holding onto that torch.
[ Laughter ]
-Senator Klobuchar, is that your little Ford compact car
out in the parking lot?
-That is my Focus.
[ Laughter ]
-Senator Bennet, if you wrote a book about your sex life,
what would it be called?
-"40 Years of No."
[ Laughter ]
-Senator Booker, regular or curly fries?
-We must fight for both.
[ Laughter ]
-Mr. Yang, what is the worst part
about having an enlarged prostate?
-It would be the trickle.
[ Light laughter ]
-Senator Sanders, what do you say to people
who say they're just going in to Target
to pick up a couple things?
-They will spend hundreds of millions of dollars.
[ Laughter, cheers, and applause ]
-Senator booker, how would you describe the star
of "The Cosby Show"?
-One of the most aggressive Bills.
[ Audience groans, laughter ]
-Vice President Biden, complete this rap --
♪ Your name is Joe Biden and you're here to say ♪
-We dealt with these issues in a major, major way.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Governor Hickenlooper, what do you call it
when you pass someone a joint and they don't pass it back?
-In Colorado, we call that kidnapping.
[ Laughter ]
-Vice President Biden, you're dancing around over there.
Do you need to go to the restroom?
-The answer is yes. Number one.
-Well, it looks like we're out of time.
So on behalf of the candidates, have a good night!
We'll be right back with more "Late Night"!
[ Cheers and applause ]