G'day, A.J. Mahari here what's one distinguishing clearly one
huge distinguishing factor between those who have codependency and
people with narcissistic personality disorder
or borderline personality disorder who also have codependency
well people with bpd people with narcissistic personality
disorder both self and not to the same degrees
false self is much more all there is
especially in narcissistic personality disorder the false self
is everything because that self that emotionally arrested for people
narcissistic personality disorder as well a different age and stage of
early childhood development is buried really deeply within all kinds
of you know layers and layers and layers of
very very formidable infantile narcissistic
defenses and then people with bpd with
codependency to not as extreme extent as
people narcissistic personality have also
this stronger false self presentation than people with just codependency but
not the narcissist and that false self is
so that so the infantile narcissistic defenses within bpd aren't as strong
as they are in narcissistic personality disorder and that's not the only
difference between bpd and npd but in this video i want to say i wanted
to talk about and define what is one of the single
most telltale signs or ways you can know that
you are somebody with codependency and that you're not a narcissist or a
borderline that's harder to say with people BPD because a lot of people BPD are
going to work on that they're going to go to treatment they're going to
recover they're going to heal maybe many more aren't so if you have
codependency and you're wondering so these
narcissists have codependency and people BPD with have codependency how
can you know if you're not and this is a pretty big
sign right but you likely already know maybe you're
codependent you don't have BPD don't have NPD what's that number one
sign that you have codependency and no
cluster b
you're you have a full self but it's not as strong
as BPD or the stronger false self in NPD but you also as you become aware
you know that you have personal responsibility or some people with
codependency still trying to get to that personal responsibility
to work on yourself to try to find resolution and healing
recovery journey for your pain that's the big difference right there so
that can happen with people with BPD as well
but it's a key difference between people's codependency
and people narcissists with codependency people with codependency are going to
seek recovery and healing sooner if not later people with
codependency are a little bit more aware of
themselves even if you're a little bit you know
you're having that dysfunctional unhealthy relationship to and with
yourself to a degree but not the same extent to
somebody with bpd or not like a person with narcissistic
personality where the false self is everything about the
narcissist so people with codependency
have more even when self-awareness isn't integrated there's more
self-awareness in people with codependency more of a
wondering what you know people with codependency tend to take too much
responsibility for what happens with the borderline or
the narcissist many people bpd don't do they are aren't
taking any responsibility and narcissists often
no it's not even on the map right it's always just you know they're transacting
they're not relating narcissists but people with codependency are really
trying to relate you're really trying to do the best that
you can so this this really clear defining factor
for people with codependency is that you are wanting to change and
you might be mired right now in you know you might be
the adult child of a narcissistic parent or a parent with bpd
you might still be having a hard time with that
but you're not like them exactly right at all
so that core sort of to varying degrees codependency that can
be shared with people of codependency people bpd
people with npd isn't the exact same
across all three and so people with codependency without BPD without NPD
are definitely one way or another in their lives
you know yourself better even though you don't you're not self-integrated you
don't know your whole self necessarily because if you did you you'd be kinder
to self you'd have those you know defined boundaries and you
wouldn't have got into a relationship with a cluster B
but all that said people with codependency
are able to heal can come to the realization
if you haven't already that you can change you can heal
you can recover you can start to break away
break away from those unhealthy bonds and yes it's very painful in the
beginning but then to get into what i work with clients on many
different things but inner child healing the family of origin
work and healing and self-differentiation and
that really is working on integrating the sell of
people with codependency and being able to get out of that false
self that is not as predominant
in people's codependency though it's there as it is for people with BPD or
people with NPD so clearly you know there are
delineations and this is one i just wanted to do
sooner rather than later to make it really you know
known and obvious to people with codependency who
don't have bpd or npd that you are much more
aware of yourself you have empathy you have
the ability to you know you're aware of others
and many people with codependency though they might not respect themselves as
much as they need to learn how to or really be there for themselves and
have that healthy relationship to and with self yet you you do respect
others and you largely try to respect
boundaries and many people with codependency are very successful in
their careers and in other areas of their life but in
interpersonal relational dynamics that are going to mirror something from
your childhood that that's a different story that's
where the codependent kryptonite is and the codependent kryptonite
is mainly you know that that real sort of vulnerability i don't really
want to call it a weakness right but that vulnerability that you need to know
more about that wounded inner child inside of you
that you might have some degree or other awareness of
is often of course the people of BPD and codependency don't have awareness of
but can gain it in their own process in healing which is different from
codependency without bpd or npd and what most narcissists will never
seek to even think about they they especially
the overt narcissists they are not self-reflective at all so people with
codependency can be very self-reflective and and that's true
whether or not you're yet at the point of realizing
your responsibility and your part in the relational dynamic
with the cluster b so you're not responsible for what they did to you
but as a commenter said to my last video you are responsible for allowing what
they did to you so that might sound like a fine line but
you know that's something that people with codependency
need to come to understand to be able to walk out of that you know
hurt and pain of it all to at least getting
into healing and recovery where you can then be
starting to move from you know one place to starting to get your feet
on on the ground of being a survivor so surviving you know a bpd or npd
relationship and surviving the breakup and
and and and breaking that unhealthy bond so people with codependency
everybody's different some people are much more codependent
than others with codependency not every codependent
is the same and so it's really important to know
that that you're not if if you you know you just have codependency
and you've been involved or you've had with somebody with npd or bpd or you
have an npd or bpd parent that doesn't mean that within your
codependency you're borderline or narcissist at all
and and the huge difference is going to be
other areas of your life other strengths that you have
and then coming to this awareness of your personal responsibility
not only to get out of these kind of relationships and these dynamics
and in your own healing and recovery journey
but also to take responsibility for yourself instead of everybody else
instead of that other person whoever they are the borderline the narcissist
the parent whatever or the ex or the not quite yet ex or
you're still in the relationship thing is people with codependency
have more awareness even where you might be lacking some awareness and you might
be still abandoning yourself that's what i'm saying in these videos
recently also too to people with codependency what
about you you need to start looking at that much more and guess what
people with codependency are quite capable of doing that many people
have been through that journey some people just beginning some people
in the middle and and if you're not sure where you are in that journey you know
i'm out here to work with you if i resonate with you
but this is a clear-cut difference between people with codependency
and especially narcissists with codependency because they're not going
to be self-reflective they're not going to get it they don't
care they're sort of that the false self in them is way too
strong for that as are the narcissistic defenses and
really people with codependency don't have those same narcissistic
defenses there can be strong infantile defenses
but not near as strong as bpd or narcissists
so i hope that helps a little bit today i hope that gives you an idea
uh that there are vast differences between people with codependency
people with bpd and codependency narcissists
who are also codependents and again i haven't really thought about it enough
i need to think about it more i suppose there is some codependency to
the overt narcissist but again it's it's more i think
in narcissists who are the covert shy inverted closeted
vulnerable narcissists so anyway that's one major difference between
people with codependency and narcissists with with codependency
and there are others and so i think it's really important
that everybody who's got you know who is a codependent
understands that this is not something that one can heal
in two months or four months or six months
that full recovery i consider myself recovered
but not in the sense from codependency but not in the sense that
there aren't still awareness points that we need to maintain to be in
that active of recovery from codependency because codependency is also
interwoven very tightly with culture many different kind of cultures
but we've been inculcated with codependency in the codependent mindset
and what that means uh by movies and music etc for
for all of our lives so what what i find i just would like to share
in in my recovery from codependency is that it's good you know i'm not
codependent anymore actively um or even passively but the thing is
if we get around another toxic individual
for whatever reason so it it might not be
like in my case there's nobody in my life who fits that
but but but there might be somebody that you have to deal with in some other
capacity that one could kind of wonder if they
have bpd or they might be a narcissist or one might
if you have you know and if you have experienced with this then you might be
able to kind of tell but you you don't need to label them but
you need to act accordingly and that is with self-care
with boundaries etc so what the codependent really needs to know
you as a codependent you're vastly different from a codependent who's got
narcissistic personality disorder or bpd but what you still have likely to learn
many people various different places right but a lot
of people with codependency still in these relationships or just
getting out of them or still trying to heal and recover from
cluster b relationships and or with a parent or other
relationship types as well as a significant other
is that you know you really need to learn how to tend to
your own garden focus on yourself and learn how to nurture yourself
and more importantly to work with somebody
who can help you to heal the wounds of your inner child
which is the utmost deepest level of
you know nurturing a part of self into self-integration
nurturing yourself and creating a loving caring kind relationship
with into yourself that people with codependency
lose that relationship to and with self because of adverse childhood experience
take care