♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND WELCOME TO THE LATE LATE
SHOW.
WELCOME TO OUR BRAND NEW SET.
LOOK AT THIS, WE'RE BACK.
IN A STUDIO.
[APPLAUSE] >> James: REGGIE IS HERE
AND THE BAND IS HERE.
HOW YOU DOING, REGGIE, YOU LOOK PUMPED?
[LAUGHTER] >> James: ARE YOU
FEELING GOOD?
>> Reggie: YEAH.
IT IS NICE TO BE BACK.
>> James: IT IS NICE, ISN'T IT?
>> Reggie: IT IS ODD, BUT WE'RE HERE.
>> James: IT'S ODD, BUT WE'RE HERE.
[LAUGHTER] >> James: AND WE HAVE A
LOT OF FUN THINGS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
RACHEL BROSNAHAN, AND LATER WE HAVE A
PERFORMANCE FROM ANDERSON PAK, THAT YOU DON'T WANT
TO MISS.
FIRST I HAVE TO SAY IT FEELS SO GOOD TO JUST NOT
BE DOING THIS SHOW FROM MY GARAGE ANYMORE.
I WAS SO HAPPY COMING INTO WORK, TO BE HERE ON STAGE
56.
56 IS ALSO THE NUMBER OF TEMPERATURE CHECKS WE'VE
ALL HAD TO PASS THROUGH TO GET IN HERE TODAY.
[LAUGHTER] >> James: BUT,
SERIOUSLY, WE WOULDN'T BE HERE IF WE WEREN'T TRYING
TO TAKE EVERY SINGLE HEALTH PRECAUTION.
AS YOU CAN SEE, THE STAGE HAS BEEN REDESIGNED FOR
MAXIMUM SAFETY.
THERE IS NO LONGER A LIVE AUDIENCE HERE, WHICH IS A
SHAME, A BIG SHAME, BECAUSE TODAY -- AND I CAN
SAY THIS NOW BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR
LIKE A YEAR -- TODAY WAS GOING TO BE THE DAY WE
WERE GOING TO GIVE EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE A
FREE CAR.
YEAH.
IT'S A REAL SHAME.
WE'LL GET THERE.
WE'LL DO IT ONE DAY.
I WILL TELL YOU, THE MAJORITY OF THE TEAM WHO
MAKE THE SHOW ARE STILL WORKING REMOTELY ON ZOOM,
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, BUT I'VE GOT TO SAY, AFTER
FOUR MONTHS AWAY, IT IS SO NICE TO SEE SO MANY PEOPLE
IN THE STUDIO AGAIN.
OUR CAMERA CREW, MARK, JOEL, JIMMY, PETE.
LOOK AT PETE.
[LAUGHTER] >> James: I NEVER
THOUGHT I WOULD BE THIS HAPPY TO SEE PETE.
LOOK AT PETE'S FACE.
GENERALLY, I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED TO SEE YOUR FACE SO
MUCH COVERED FROM THE NOSE DOWN.
THAT'S THE TRUTH OF IT.
OUR LIGHTING GUYS, CASEY AND TONY, WHO REDESIGNED
THE LIGHTS.
LOU AND SAM, WHO SPENT THE LAST MONTHS MAKING THIS
SET.
MIKE AND TERI, OUR HEAD WRITERS, AND LAUREN AND
IAN ARE OVER THERE.
GREAT TO JUST -- I KNOW I CAN'T SEE YOU.
I KNOW WE'RE AT A DISTANCE, BUT I'M SO HAPPY
TO BE WITH ALL OF THE TALENTED PEOPLE SHOO MAKE WHO MA
THIS SHOW EVERY SINGLE DAY.
GUILLERMO IS ALSO HERE.
[LAUGHTER] >> James: HOW ARE YOU,
GUILLERMO, ARE YOU OKAY?
>> I'M OKAY, JAMES, THANKS.
>> James: I'VE MISSED YOU.
HOW WAS YOUR SUMMER?
>> WONDERFUL.
>> James: WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> WENT TO LAKE TAHOE, UP TO MOHAVE, THE DESERT
VIBES.
>> James: I'M POSITIVELY BORING NOW.
SAY THAT AGAIN, WHERE YOU WENT.
LOOK, I'VE GOT THESE BUTTONS, RIGHT?
I'VE GOT THESE NEW BUTTONS.
SO WATCH.
I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER WHICH ORDER THEY GO.
LOOK, I HAVE THIS...
[CHEERING] [APPLAUSE]
>> James: TO GIVE ME A FEELING OF --
>> OOH!
>> James: IF YOU TELL A JOKE THAT IS SLIGHTLY
RISQUEÉ.
I'VE GOT WHAT I WOULD CALL A REGULAR LAUGH, AND THEN
THIS ONE.
[LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
>> James: IT IS A POLITE LAUGH.
I WILL SAY, WHERE DID YOU GO IN THE SUMMER,
GUILLERMO?
>> LAKE TAHOE AND MOHAVE.
[LAUGHTER] >> James: WHAT DID YOU
DO THERE?
>> I FELL OUT OF A KAYAK.
[LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE]
>> James: IT'S KIND OF FUN.
IT'S FUN.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, STEVE, WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> I WENT UP TO LAKE SHAFTA.
[LAUGHTER] [CHEERING]
>> James: WAS I THE ONLY PERSON WHO DIDN'T VISIT A
LAKE?
>> I DIDN'T.
I DID NOT.
>> James: WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> I JUST CHASED MY 5-YEAR-OLD AROUND.
[LAUGHTER] >> James: I DON'T KNOW
WHICH WAY TO GO.
I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO.
TRY IT AGAIN.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> I CHASED MY 5-YEAR-OLD SON AROUND.
[LAUGHTER] [OOH]
>> James: HOW IS THAT?
>> YOU NEED MORE SOUND.
>> James: I DO NEED MORE SOUND.
I'M GOING TO ASK FOR THIS.
THAT'S MY FIRST JOB TOMORROW.
I'M GOING TO ASK FOR THIS TOMORROW.
IT IS SO LOVELY TO SEE ALL OF YOU.
I'M SO GLAD YOU HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME OVER ALL OF THE
HUGE LAKES.
WELL-DONE.
PLENTY OF NEWS HAPPENED OVER THE WEEKEND.
THIS IS TRUE, THE WHITE HOUSE APPARENTLY REACHED
OUT TO SOUTH DAKOTA'S GOVERNOR AND ASKED ABOUT
THE POSSIBILITY OF ADDING PRESIDENT TRUMP TO
MOUMT.RUSHMORE.
I GET THIS.
I FEEL LIKE IF I WAS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES, WHAT IS THE HARM TO ASK?
[LAUGHTER] >> James: I'D ASK.
WHAT IS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IS YOU'RE BACK IN THE SAME
PLACE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THE BEST CASE SCENARIO, SOMEONE GOES,
"ABSOLUTELY."
>> YOU'RE ALREADY NOT ON MT. RUSHMORE.
THAT IS THE STARTING POINT, NOT ON MT.
RUSHMORE.
>> James: THAT'S IT.
IT IS VERY MUCH THE WAY I PROPOSED TO MY WIFE.
IF SHE SAYS NO, WELL, I'M JUST IN THE SAME BOAT.
I'M JUST BACK WHERE I AM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BUT IT IS GOOD TO KNOW THAT TRUMP HAS HIS
PRIORITIES IN ORDER.
FIVE MONTHS INTO A HORRIFIC GLOBAL PANDEMIC,
AND PRESIDENT TRUMP IS, LIKE, I WONDER IF I CAN
GET MY FACE ON THAT MOUNTAIN?
I DON'T THINK IT WENT OVER TOO WELL, THOUGH.
HERE IS HOW THE OTHER PRESIDENTS ON MT. RUSHMORE
REACTED.
[LAUGHTER] >> James: SPEAKING OF
SOUTH DAKOTA, DID YOU SEE THERE IS A HUGE MOTORCYCLE
RALLY THAT TAKES PLACE THERE EVERY YEAR.
AND IT KICKED OFF THIS WEEKEND WITH A CONCERT BY
THE BAND SMASH MOUTH, RIGHT?
NOW, LOOK AT THAT.
AS YOU CAN SEE, NOT A LOT O FACE MASKS.
ND, IN FACT, AT ONE POINT, AND THIS IS TRUE,
THE LEAD SINGER SAID, WE'RE ALL HEAR TOGETHER
TONIGHT, (bleep) THAT COVID-19 (bleep).
APPARENTLY SMASHING MOUTHS IS THE NUMBER ONE WAY
PEOPLE TRANSMIT COVID-19.
I WILL INCREASE IN COVID CASES AMONG 50-YEAR-OLD
GUYS WITH TASMANIAN DEVIL TATTOOS.
IAN, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT THIS WILL REALLY
RUIN LISTENING TO SMASH MOUTH FOR ME.
THIS IS YOU NOW WITH A MASK ON, IT IS STRANGE.
WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR MASK?
>> THIS MASK?
SOME FRIENDS IN PORTLAND SENT IT TO ME.
>> James: IS IT HALF AND HALF --
>> I WANTED TO LOOK LIKE A MORTAL COMBAT CHARACTER IN
CASE THINGS REALLY WENT DOWN.
IT IS KIND OF LIKE A "GET OVER HERE BUT STAY SIX
FEET AWAY."
>> James: YOU'RE WEARING A MASK, HOW MUCH DID THAT
MASK COST?
>> I PAID A LOW, LOW PRICE OF ON THE HOUSE FOR THIS
ONE.
THEY JUST GAVE IT TO ME.
>> James: WHAT WOULD IT COST?
>> I CAN'T IMAGINE IT BEING MORE THAN $10
AMERICAN.
>> James: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BUSINESSMAN WHO
WAS COMMISSIONED A COVID-19 MASK THAT COST --
THIS IS TRUE -- $1.5 MILLION.
LOOK AT THAT, THE MASK IS MADE OF 18 CARAT WHITE
GOLD AND HAS OVER 3,000 DIAMONDS ON IT.
WHICH PROVES IT IS NOT JUST PEOPLE S WHO REFUSE TO
WEAR MASKS THAT ARE IDIOTS.
[LAUGHTER] >> VERY NICE.
>> James: THIS IS THE GUY WHO BOUGHT THAT FOR
$1.5 MILLION.
HE IS THE ONLY GUY HOPING THE PANDEMIC LASTS LONGER.
IF THEY COME OUT WITH A VACCINE TOMORROW, THE GUY
IS GOING TO BE, LIKE, I JUT SPENT $1.5 MILLION ON
A MASK.
AHH!
[LAUGHTER] >> James: THEY'RE
WEARING A DIAMOND-COVERED MASK, IT WILL BE A GOOD
CONVERSATION STARTER.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THAT CONVERSATION WILL START WITH, HAND OVER ALL
OF YOUR MONEY AND THAT MASK.