-- For "Pbs news weekend." Jeff:
During the pandemic, we have
heard a lot about self-care, the
practice of protecting your own
well-being and happiness.
It has become a mental-health
buzzword, but it is arguably
more important now than ever.
Stress levels shot up in 2020
and for lots of people never
came that down.
Best-selling author Sophia
Nelson is out with a new book
aimed at offering support.
It is called "Be the one you
need." Let's start with the
book.
What did you learn by taking
care of everybody but yourself,
and what was the tipping point?
>> I got covid twice.
I got it in February 2020, which
is before we knew what it was,
but I was definitely ill, and
after the vaccines and all, I
got a breakthrough case in
August 2021 and when you are
sick like that thinking about
your life and your mortality --
I had a sick parent that could
not take care of herself.
She cannot even drive a car
anymore.
You talk about a whole lot
converging at once, and I
started asking myself questions
like -- what are you doing with
your life?
Do you have a life?
Are you taking care of you for
doing too much for everyone
else?
For me, the tipping point was
getting cold with that first
time and being very sick and
getting that breakthrough a year
later and having to stop and
say, what am I doing for me?
Am I looking out for me while I
take care of everyone else?
Jeff: You're the oldest child,
the only daughter, and because
of that, the expectation was
always that Sophia was the one
you go to.
>> I think a lot of people live
that way.
And I think the pandemic changed
things.
A lot of people were going wait
a minute, what about me?
In our culture, we are not
allowed to do that.
Particularly African-American
women.
We don't know how to say I need
help or I'm not doing ok, but
this applies to everybody, not
just African-American women.
Women are the most guilty, but
men are dealing this, too, and
men love this book, which is
exciting to me because I have a
lot of men saying, I feel this,
too.
Jeff: You break the book up into
21 lessons.
I want to call out a couple of
them.
One, you say trust your
intuition, it is rarely wrong.
>> Anybody that has done
something that is
out-of-the-box, that does things
that goes against the grain,
runs for office, those people
listen to a voice inside.
You may have a lot of people
going I don't think that's wise
or you might want to think twice
about that.
Ask Neil Armstrong.
When you walk on the moon, when
you're the first one that does
that, you have to listen to a
lot of naysayers, but something
inside you tells you you can do
it.
Successful people listen to
themselves.
They rest, but they listen to
themselves.
Jeff: Lesson three is there is
no shame in not reaching your
goals in life.
The reason I want to call that
out is I speak to so many young
people, aspiring journalists,
and get the sense that for them,
they feel like if they have not
achieved their goals by the age
of 25, something is
fundamentally wrong with them.
If they are not an entry-level
CEO.
>> What a generational shift,
right?
Two young people, let me say,
it's all good.
You've got a long runway.
If you don't reach your goals
immediately, it's ok.
Sometimes they shift.
This new generation, like you
said, expects to be running the
place in three years.
That's not real.
It doesn't happen.
We've got to be -- we got to do
a better job men touring as
mentors teaching them to be
patient and that this is a
marathon, not a sprint.
Jeff: You also talk about what
you call radical gratitude.
>> I have always been an
optimist.
I had a tough childhood.
I grew up in an alcoholic home.
There was violence in the home.
Someone like me was not supposed
to turn out the way I did, but
we had a really good mother who
was churchgoing and very
positive, and I think that
gratitude is something she
stressed a lot, to be thankful
for what we have.
Jeff: Why did you write this
book now?
>> I'm 55.
When you get into your 50's, it
is true life changes.
You know you're not young
anymore.
You are not old.
You are stuck in the middle.
There are things I know now.
I don't have to guess.
One of the things young people
are having with the isolation,
the suicide, all the things we
are seeing in spades now is they
don't have a sense of somebody
saying to them and guiding them.
There's a way to do some things.
You don't have to do what I did
and make the mistakes I made.
Let me give you a little
guidance, a little inspiration,
so I hope that by these 21 life
lessons I'm saying to people,
these are the things I have
learned, but I know you are
going to resonate with these
things because all of us feel it
right now.
There is something amiss.
There's this malaise, this
disconnect, and we crave a
kindness, a connection, a
community that has been missing,
and I think our devices have
really separated us and divided
us, so when I think about how to
teach young people that, it is
wisdom.
I have just lived long enough
now.
I know some stuff.
Jeff: The book is "Be the one
you need" 21 life lessons I
learned while taking care of
everyone but me.
Great to speak to you.