Hello and welcome to another episode of Game On. You might notice that it's a bit different
because he's here for the first bit. And that's basically because, well two reasons, number
one I've been sick all week and can't be bothered to write anything so we're just kind of going
to make it up as we play and two we're reviewing Bayonetta 2 this week and Simon said that
he's never even seen anything of Bayonetta like he's completely missed the first one
coming out and all the critical acclaim that it got, hasn't even seen a screen shot for
Bayonetta 2 so doesn't even know what it looks like or what's going on so we're doing this
instead.
This is all new...
And... that's probably new for you too, that's a woman's body.
That was a very intimate part of a woman's body.
I know.
Am I playing.
You're playing now, you can't die. So, erm, this one. Just running away? Shall I tell
you what to do?
Ooh, what was I doing then? Why am I doing stripper moves? Instead of kicking? I'm trying
to get his knees.
If you can, if you can kill someone with a slut drop you are a dance, you are a dance
extraordinaire.
I don't know, I would have called that being laissez faire, but that's.
That's a mantis.
So lollipop.
See, why add that? People are paid to write every bit of code right? So at some point
someone has had to tell them do the bit, get a nice close up of her lollipop in her sexy
mouth and they've gone alright.
Alright Jesus.
Put your trousers on. We're in the office.
C'mon.
Is this like Sex and the City.
Yeah. Yes. I remember Carrie used to do a lot of going around doing odd jobs for people.
H***jobs, b***jobs.
I mean she is basically the fourteen-year-old fantasy, she is a kung-fu, magic.
Librarian.
Librarian supply teacher.
Yes she is.
She's that, she's just a combination of all the people that they fantasised about when
they were fourteen. They've just gone, well probably the best way to deal with this emotion
is to spend two years designing a video game and sort of put her in it and have all the
world hate me because everyone goes "you're a misogynist" and he's there going "no I'm
just a pervert". It should be called ode to Mrs Sims or something like that, whatever
her name is that is the teacher in question. She exists somewhere.
Hat flies off, brilliant and then she has a little chat because she's got loads of time
it's a plane. She kicks the plane, she kicks the plane.
No, I'm not getting on board with this.
Ah, you've got no love in your heart that's your problem. It's the whole vibe of this
game is really over the top, everything it's trying to do is take everything to it's extreme
and in some places it doesn't work, like maybe in its sort of leering attitude towards Bayonetta,
but in terms of the combat and the cutscenes and stuff it is just this pure expression
of quite juvenile but still quite fun just really exuberance. This bit is ridiculous.
The nudie bit.
Is she actually just naked.
She's butt naked and she's growing her suit out of her hair.
Honestly.
And then she smacks, she spanks.
How long we been playing this? About ten minutes?
Yeah we've been playing this about ten minutes and I think just to prove the point of how
leery this game is we should do a cut together of all the leery moments from the first ten
minutes of the game.
We've been playing this for ten minutes, mash up.
Supercut.
I do love the action though, these bits, as much as I don't like all the bits where it's
like oh let's look at her boobs, let's look at her bum, these bits are like so fun to
watch because they're just so , it's like one thing that you can't get in another medium,
you can't have action this crazy.
I give it that.
The cool thing about this game is...
Woah! Why'd I turn into a butterfly?
You just do. There's no real reason behind it. You can also turn into a crow and a few
other bits and bobs, you can turn into like a flock of bats. Are bats, is it a flock of
bats?
Bats don't go in groups.
No but every, every animal group has a name.
Parliament of owls.
A parliament of owls, a murder of crows, a charm of hummingbirds which I think is just
very nice.
And don't you also get a gang of baboons, don't you?
Yeah. You get a f***tonne of cats.
S***load of possums.
I don't like it.
What don't you like about it? Having played it for... given it all of 30 seconds of your
time.
Well I'm not saying it's not an in depth review.
No, it's a, this is the equivalent of Tindering the game.
Yes, having seen two pictures of it on holiday, like I don't. It's not a game that appeals
to me in the first place. It's just not the kind of game I like so I was already prepared
for that, and I'm fine with that. Not everything, as much as I want it to be, and often demand
it should be...
Is NBA.
Is NBA2K and therefore made specifically for me and the things I like so I'm fine with
that.
As a hack 'n' slash game there is nothing quite like Bayonetta for the sheer level of
over the topness. It's just a shame that they went over the top in every single aspect.