(shushing noise) - Quiet.
To summon the tech news I must perform the ritual.
(people laughing)
- What's going on?
Microsoft's hardware requirements for Windows 11,
11, have rubbed some enthusiasts the wrong way,
against the grain, counter to the suede.
As they indicate some systems that may be running just fine,
won't be eligible for the upgrade.
A recent IT-focused video from the company
just made things worse with a Microsoft rep saying,
"It 'sucks' that some users won't get the upgrade."
- Oh, Windows 11 is not eligible for that device.
- But for those who will, oh baby,
it's going to be the best, off the chain-
- [Male Speaker] So it's all fine then.
- They're still saying that at Microsoft.
Adding fuel to the fire is the fact that
security researchers from the Dolos Group
just demonstrated a way to defeat a trusted platform module,
or TPM security, which is one of the main hardware
components that Microsoft claims users need
in order to upgrade to Windows 11.
- [Male Speaker] Dolos!
- Do they really care about security
or do they just want you to buy new Windows 11 laptops?
Typical dirty company, trying to incentivize customers
to buy their products, disgusting.
- [Male Speaker] What do you think this is?
- A capitalistic society.
Speaking of evil corporations, Facebook is researching ways
to paradoxically analyze encrypted content
without actually decrypting it.
A technology known as homomorphic encryption.
This could let Facebook engorge itself with your data
while also keeping it private.
Everybody wins.
Strangely the head of Facebook-owned WhatsApp,
which uses end-to-end encryption,
says they're not pursuing the tech,
because, "That's not how the force works."
This made Facebook panic, so they tried to distract us
by posting the story about how they're making VR headsets
that protect your eyes on the outside.
- [Male Speaker] What?
- This is so cool.
- [Male Speaker] That's hilarious.
- I forgot all about the fact that Facebook
also recently disabled the accounts of NYU researchers,
who were studying how political ads on the platform
targeted certain demographics.
- [Male Speaker] Hey... - Just slipped my mind.
Yeah, Facebook says, "NYU is accessing data
that shouldn't be available to third-parties."
Kinda like the whole Cambridge-analytical thing.
But the researchers say that they were silenced
because their work calls attention
to the spread of misinformation on the platform.
And if you get access to real information,
Mark wouldn't get to post tone-deaf videos for 4th of July.
So there's obviously an incentive there.
- [Male Speaker] He uses them to power his hydrofoil.
(James laughs)
- [James] And after weeks of controversy
over claims of sexual misconduct and toxic work culture
at Blizzard, the game company's President,
J Allen Brack, has stepped down to be replaced
by two other executives, Jen Oneal and Mike Ybarra.
- [Male Speaker] And now he's gonna make beef jerky.
- What?
- [Male Speaker] J Allen Brack's beef jerky!
- Sweet baby rays.
Following Bracks' resignation, Activision Blizzard CEO
Bobby Kotick said, "Ongoing investigations of the company
will hold people responsible for their actions."
But that hasn't given many fans much confidence.
Given that old Bobby is seen as being partially responsible
for Blizzard's decline since their merger with Activision.
- [Male Speaker] Dang it, Bobby.
(James laughs)
- Regardless, the saga is far from over
as some shareholders have joined the state of California
in suing the company for failing to disclose
the number of HR complaints received over the years.
And to make matters even worser, Diablo Immortal,
the super highly anticipated mobile RPG game,
has been delayed to next year.
- [Male Speaker] No! - Ohh!
Now it's time for the quick bits,
brought to you by, who else, Manscaped,
provider of all-in-one men's grooming tools
that have you covered from head-to-toe,
no matter how close or far apart those things are.
Of course anyone can use them, not just men,
because hair doesn't discriminate.
The Manscaped Performance Package 4.0 Kit
is designed to make grooming below the waist easy
with The Lawnmower 4.0, and other goodies,
like The Crop Preserver and Crop Reviver sprays,
to keep things fresh. (sniffs loudly)
So head to manscape.com/tech and get 20% off your ball hair.
Just kidding, you can shave it all off.
20% off Manscaped and free shipping today.
(James groans)
- When I'm all done with the big heavy stories,
I like to relax with a nice cup of quick bits.
Oh, child!
A LinkedIn job posting indicates that Google
is looking to license the cloud gaming tech
built for Stadia, out to other interested companies.
So everyone can have negative latency.
(everyone laughs)
- Whatever.
But Google already announced that they were doing this
when they shut down their internal game studios.
So if anything, this might be an indication
that they haven't actually secured
any interested buyers yet,
which is so weird because Stadia's really...
- [Male Speaker] Stadia's got game.
- Really good.
- Nvidia's acquisition of Arm has still not been approved
by regulators, particularly in Arm's homeland, the UK,
where the government is considering blocking the deal
because of security concerns. (blows raspberry)
It's unclear what these concerns might entail,
but Jensen is a little too excited on stage sometimes
while explaining something super boring,
like, "Sooner just to cloud learning," or whatever.
Plus he only wears leather jackets,
so is he in the Matrix?
Is he- - Is he even real?
- The One?
- [Male Speaker] He's a virus.
- [James] APO has announced its second-gen
under-display camera technology.
And unlike the first iteration,
this design might actually result in decent photos.
So unfortunately you won't be able to use this camera
as an excuse for looking haggard in your selfies.
- [Male Speaker] I woke up on the wrong-
- Side of the-
- [Male Speaker] The tracks.
- The Meridian, I'm in China, I have a Chinese phone.
Whoa! - [Male Speaker] Ahh!
- Just wait for Samsung to do a good job.
YouTube has begun its Shorts Fund Program,
meaning select YouTube creators can rock these puppies,
lavender-colored short pants.
Oh, they're below the camera?
Oh okay. Whatever.
It's not about those shorts anyway.
- [James] YouTube Creators can start earning
up to $10,000 from the TikToK-style format,
which was previously ineligible for monetization.
Remember when we made those shorts?
- [Male Speaker] I'd rather not.
- For TechLink?
- [Male Speaker] No, I don't- we didn't do that.
- No, we blocked it out.
- [James] And a Senate report has given seven out of eight
federal agencies bad grades in cybersecurity,
with the Department of State, Commerce, Education,
Transportation, and Veterans Affairs, all receiving a D,
a giant thick D.
Homeland Security did okay though,
which is probably the most important one
to have that right.
So Russia can go ahead and hack the others.
- [Male Speaker] So what are they gonna get, papers?
- They can just use Facebook for that anyway.
- [Male Speaker] File folders? (James blows raspberry)
And before you give this video a grade, don't,
because it's over, and B,
we don't have to live in that paradigm, you know,
we can be less competitive.
But come back on Friday for more tech news and-
- [Male Speaker] We don't give grades here.
- You'll just get participation points.
- [Male Speaker] Yeah, good job, James.
- Yeah.
- [Male Speaker] Go to detention.