[knocks]
- Hey, Patrick, I thought that sounded like your head.
- SpongeBob, do you know where this
Spon-gee-Boob
Squir-pa-Nants lives?
- Never heard of him. - Oh, well, return to sender.
- Hey, what's with the new threads?
- I'm a mailman now! [laughs]
- Wow!
I've always wanted to be a mailman.
It's like getting to be Santa every day,
except Sundays.
- Sorry, SpongeBob, but I'm the mailman now.
- Oh, okay.
- But you can be my postal pal!
- Whee! Oh, ah!
- Let's get mailing.
♪ ♪
Postal pal, you may ring the doorbell.
- [gasps]
Yes, sir, Mr. Mailman, sir.
Oh, I better warm up the old bell ringer.
Up, down, up, down. Twist right, twist left.
And polish the nail.
[exhales]
[doorbell rings]
- Mail!
- They let a moron like you deliver the mail?
- Oh, you'd be surprised what they let morons do.
- [gasps] It's here!
It's here! [laughs]
- What's wrong with Squidward's face?
- [laughing]
- I think he's smiling.
- I finally got it, my turbo clarinet.
[engine rumbles]
[inhales deeply]
[horn toots] - Whoa!
[both screaming]
- Worth every penny.
[together] Oh, ooh, oh, oh.
Oh, good, our next stop.
- A summons for jury duty. Lucky.
- Special delivery.
- Great job, Mr. Mailman. - Huh?
- Oops.
Yep.
Ugh.
Must be a defective mail slot.
Aha.
That ought to do it.
Maybe I'll just try the doorbell.
[doorbell rings]
- Can I help you?
[together] Special delivery.
- I don't want it!
- Maybe we should just move on to the next house.
- Pfft, no.
I am a mailman.
Like the postal oath says,
neither bunions or onions nor ditches or dangers
will stop me from giving stuff to strangers.
- [applauds]
[soft orchestral music]
[doorbell rings]
- Ah! - Special delivery!
- Special un-delivery! - [screams]
Oof.
Being a mailman isn't like being Santa Claus at all.
- [gasps]
[jingle bells ringing]
[straining]
- Ho, ho, ho! Oh!
Ooh!
Hey, we're beard bros. - [growls]
- Oh, uh, merry Fishmas!
- It's July! - Just take a letter.
- I don't want it! - Neither bunions or onions!
[upbeat music]
[screams] Huh, ooh.
Ah. [screams]
Take your mail! [grunts]
- Hey! - [grunting]
I'll zip your code so hard!
- Ah! En garde!
- En lard!
- [screaming] - [screaming]
- Ho, ha! - I'm gonna stamp you!
Hi, ha! - Ha!
- I'll send you butt express!
- [screams]
- [grunts] Huh?
You can't run from your civic duties!
[screaming] - [screaming]
Oh. - Ha!
Get it, slap back, no take backs!
- [sighs]
[both chuckling]
- Not bad.
- This summons is for Bubble Bass,
you nincompoops!