WE HAVE TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS TO GUILLERMO AND
WINE ON THE BIRTH OF THEIR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER NALO MOON,
LOOK AT HER THERE.
WE'RE SO HAPPY FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
WE ARE.
THEY ARE ALL DOING GREAT.
EVERYONE IS DOING FINE, REGGIE, BAND, HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO
GUILLERMO, HOW IS HE DOING?
>> HE SEEMS TO BE REALLY, LIKE HAPPY.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: THAT WILL WEAR OFF.
>> YEAH.
>> James: THAT WILL WEAR OFF IN NO TIME.
NO, IT WAS REALLY WEIRD, LIKE HAVING KIDS, THE FIRST TWO WEEKS
ALL ANYONE TELLS YOU IS THEY GO MAKE SURE YOU GET SOME SLEEP.
AND THEN THE FIRST TWO WEEKS, IT IS KIND OF AMAZING THEY SLEEP
ALL THE TIME.
WHAT WERE THEY TALKING ABOUT.
AND AROUND ABOUT DAY 18 THEY FIND A VOICE AND YOU GO OH
[BLEEP].
GUILLERMO WILL BE BACK ON THE DRUMS IN NO TIME BUT WHILE HE'S
NOT HERE WE HAVE TO WELCOME MICKEY WHO IS FILLING IN ON THE
DRUMS.
>> YEAH.
>> James: WHILE GUILLERMO IS ON MATERNITY LEAVE, GLAD TO HAVE
YOU HERE.
>> EVERYBODY IS SUPERCOOL, THE CHAIR VL NICE AND COMFY, SO I'M
GOOD.
>> James: THAT SAUL WE WANTED, ARE YOU READY?
ARE YOU READY?
HOW IS YOUR RIM SHOT, IF I TELL A TERRIBLE JOKE.
>> PRETTY GOOD, I GOT IT THE SECOND TRY.
>> 1950.
>> James: WE'RE LOOKING FOR LIKE A, YOU KNOW, LIKE A.
>> YOU MEAN LIKE-- .
>> James: THERE WE GO NOW WE'RE COOKING.
NOW WE'RE-- THAT IS EXACTLY THE LEVEL.
THAT IS EXACTLY THE LEVEL.
BEFORE WE GET TO THE HEADLINES, DID EVERYBODY, DID EVERYBODY
FEEL THE EARTHQUAKE THIS MORNING.
>> Reggie: NO, I HEARD ABOUT IT AND I WAS LIKE I DON'T KNOW,.
>> Reggie: BECAUSE I'M TOUGH.
>> James: NOT BECAUSE YOU ATE NINE WEED GUMIES BEFORE.
>> ONLY ONE.
>> James: BUT IT IS LIKE THC TO THE MAX.
>> YEAH.
>> James: HOW MANY.
>> THOUSANDS OF MILL I GRAMS.
NO, FIVE, FIVE JAMES.
>> James: BUT IT WAS A BIG ONE, SUSAN, DID YOU FEEL IT?
YOU DID.
>> I DID BUT I THOUGHT-- OKAY.
I WAS SLEEPING, AND THEN I FELT IT AND I WOKE UP AND I'M LIKE
THAT FELT LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE BUT I WILL CHECK THE NEWS IN THE
MORNING.
>> James: YES.
>> YOU KNOW.
>> James: THAT'S IT.
THAT IS SPRING TIME IN LOS ANGELES.
BASICALLY WHAT IT IS.
THAT'S IT YOU HEAR, YOU FEEL IT, I WAS NAKED, OTHER THAN MY TWO
FACE MASKS.
BECAUSE I SLEEP IN A HYDRATION SHEET.
AND THEN A RADIO THERAPY INFRARED AND I FELT IT AND GO OH
GOD, THIS WILL BE EMBARRASSING IF ANYONE SEES ME.
BUT NO BUT THE BIGGEST EARTHQUAKE HIT AROUND 4:45 A.M.
AND THAT IS THE SORT OF MENTALITY IT TAKES TO MAKE IT AS
AN EARTHQUAKE IN HOLLYWOOD.
YOU KNOW, YOU RISE AND GRIND, TO DAYS OFF.
SHAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT.
THAT IS WHAT YOU HAVE GOT TO DO.
DID YOU FEEL IT?
>> OH YEAH, I FELT IT I FELT IT AND I DID THE DAD THING WHICH
IS, BECAUSE I SLEEP NENGS TO MY GIRLFRIEND AND I PUT MY ARM
OUT.
AND I WAS LIKE DON'T WORRY, I GOT IT.
LIKE A IF A BEAM FELL ON US MY EXTENDED FOREARM WOULD TAKE CARE
OF EVERYTHING.
LIKE YOU KEEP SLEEPINGK MY WATCH HAS BEGUN.
>> James: DON'T WORRY.
DID YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP AFTER?
>> IMMEDIATELY, YEAH.
>> James: ANYONE ELSE FEEL IT?
GO ON, YOU DID YOU ABSOLUTELY [BLEEP] YOURSELF.
>> I DID FREAK OUT A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT.
>> James: DID YOU.
>> WEIRDLY I THOUGHT ABOUT DID MY TV TIP OVER.
DIDN'T THINK ABOUT MY CHILDREN BUT DID MY TV TIP OVER.
>> James: IT IS AS ANY TV.
>> IT IS VERY THIN.
>> James: HIGH-DEF.
>> I THO OUT IT MIGHT HAVE TIPPED OVER.
>> THOSE KIDS HAVE BND AROUND 7, 8 YEARS.
>> James: EXACTLY, THEY ARE.
ONE OF THEM IS LIKE 11 YEARS OLD.
THIS IS A BRAND NEW TV, GUYS.
BRAND NEW TV.
>> Reggie: AND IT IS VERY THIN.
>> James: IT IS VERY THIN.
>> Reggie: VERY THIN.
>> IT IS SO THIN.
>> James: IT IS SO THIN, IT IS SO THIN.
IT IS SO THIN.
IT IS ACTUALLY THINNER THAN THE WALLPAPER.
REVIEWERS WILL NOTICE DAVE, NOT IN THE STUDIO TONIGHT.
NOT HERE IN THE STUDIO.
DO YOU KNOW WHY?
>> HAVING A BABY.
>> James: GONE ON HOLIDAY WITH PATTI LUPONE.
TRUE STORY, TRUE STORY, THEY HAVE GONE, THEY HAVE GONE TO
ANAHEIM, I'M NOT EVEN JOKING, THEY RENTED AN AIRBNB IN O.J.
AI.
THEY WENT ON FRIDAY, HE CALLED ME, HE SAID PATTI WANTS TO STAY
THROUGH TILL TUESDAY MORNING, DOESN'T WANT TO GET STUCK IN THE
TRAFFIC ON MONDAY.
I SAID DAVE, YOU GO, HE WILL TELL US ALL ABOUT IT TOMORROW.
BUT THAT LEAVE WE HAVE NEW FACES, MIKEY, WHAT IS GOING ON,
ARE YOU ON SOME KIND OF CLEANSE, WHAT IS HAPPENING.
YOU ARE VANISHING BETWEEN, IN FRONT OF OUR VERY EYES, WHAT IS
GOING DOWN.
>> YEAH, HAVE I BEEN WORKING OUT, I HAVE BEEN EATING WELL, I
LOST LIKE 15 POUNDS.
>> Reggie: YES.
>> James: LOOK AT YOU.
LOOK AT YOU.
>> ALL I EVER WANTED.
>> James: I CAN SEE A NEW SWAGGER, ONLY AFTER 15 POWBDS
THAT YOU START GOING I NEED TO WEAR SOCKS.
MELV IS IN THE HOUSE, HOW ARE YOU DOING.
>> I'M DOING GOOD.
I GAIN GAINED ABOUT TWO POUNDS OVER THE BREAK.
>> James: DID YOU, CONGRAT, CONGRATS.
>> TWO WHOLE POUNDS.
>> James: HOW WAS YOUR BREAK.
>> OUTSTANDING.
>> James: YEAH IN OH YEAH.
>> James: STILL HUNGOVER?
>> NO, STILL DRUNK.
>> James: STILL DRUNK, NICE.
>> EVEN BETTER.
>> James: WELL LOOK, NO ONE IS HERE FOR THIS CHATTY RA PAR TAY
OF WHICH 90% I IMAGINE ALREADY HAS BEEN CUT FROM THE SHOW THAT
IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID
IS-- MOVING ON.
TO THE NEWS.
THERE HAS BEEN ANOTHER MASSIVE DATA BRIDGE AT FACEBOOK, IT HAS
BEEN ANNOUNCED THAT MORE THAN 500 MILLION FACEBOOK USERS HAVE
HAD THEIR PERSONAL INFORMATION LEAKED ONLINE.
YEAH.
BUT MYSPACE STILL LOCKED UP LIKE FORT NOKS, BABY, DON'T YOU
WORRY, FACEBOOK SAID THEY ARE LOOKING INTO HOW TO BETTER
PROTECT PEOPLE'S PRIVATE INFORMATION.
NO REALLY.
THIS TIME, THEY REALLY ARE.
SERIOUSLY, THEY ARE DOING IT, HONESTLY, THEY ARE DOING IT.
THIS TIME FACEBOOK IS DOING IT.
AND THIS IS TRUE.
ONE OF THE USERS WHO HAD THEIR PHONE NUMBER LEAKED WAS ACTUALLY
MARK ZUCKERBERG HIMSELF.
THE MOST SHOCKING PART ABOUT ZUCKERBERG'S PHONE NUMBER IS
THAT IT IS A LAND LINE.
A WALL MOUNTED ROTARY PHONE IN AVOCADO GREEN.
TRUE STORY.
HUGE TANGLED CORD.
RIGHT ACROSS THE KITCHEN.
IN POLITICAL NEWS, PRESIDENT BIDEN IS OFFICIALLY LOOKING INTO
CANCELING STUDENT DEBT.
ACCORDING TO REPORTS HE HAS ASKED HIS EDUCATION SECRETARY TO
EXPLORE WHETHER OR NOT THE PRESIDENT HAS THE AUTHORITY TO
CANCEL DEBT THROUGH AN EXECUTIVE ORDER.
IN THAT CASE, LET'S GET A ROUND OF GRADUATE DEGREES FOR EVERYONE
IN THE STUDIO, RIGHT GANG?
FREE SCHOOL, BABY!
BUT BIDEN SAYS HE WANTS THINGS TO BE BACK LIKE THEY WERE IN HIS
DAY, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU COULD PAY FOR A COLLEGE EDUCATION WITH
A SHINY NICKEL AND A FRESH PACK OF GUM.
THAT IS WHAT HE WANTS.
BUYEN ASKED THEM TO EXPLORE THE OPTION AND EXPLORING I NOT A
VERB I TRUST.
I DON'T.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
IF YOU ARE EXPLORING AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP, CONGRATULATIONS,
YOU ARE ALREADY SINGLE.
AND DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS, A BIDEN ADMINISTRATION HAS JUST
LAUNCHED A 500,000 DOLLAR CONTEST TO IMPROVE THE DESIGN OF
FACE MASKS HOPING TO SOLVE COMMON PROBLEMS LIKE SKIN
IRRITATION AND FOGGED UP GLASSES.
NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON.
I MEAN WHY THE RUSH?
THE WHITE HOUSE SAYS THEIR NEGOTIATION CONTEST WILL BE TO
FIND SOMETHING OTHER THAN LEECHES TO TREAT THE BUBONIC
PLAGUE.
SHURCHT WE HAVE STARTED THE MASK INNOVATION A YEAR AGO?
BIDEN'S BASICALLY THAT GRANDPA WHO GIFTS YOU SOMETHING THAT WAS
IN LAST YEAR FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY THIS AREA.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, HERE YOU GO SWEETIE, I HOE KNOW HOW
MUCH YOU YOU WANT A SUBSCRIPTION QUIBI.
AND THIS IS AN INTERESTING FINDING.
ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY 7 PERCENT OF AMERICANS SAY THAT
THEY DO NOT USE THE INTERNET AT ALL.
YEAH.
ISN'T IT JUST NUT NICE THAT SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE STILL RAID
ABOUT JAKE PAUL IN A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED HARD COPY?
30 YEARS AGO WE WOULD HAVE SAID THOSE PEOPLE WERE NORMAL.
TEN YEARS AGO WE WOULD HAVE LAUGHED AT THEM FOR BEING OUT OF
THE LOOP.
AND NOW TODAY WE'RE LIKE PLEASE TEACH ME HOW TO DO THIS.
PEASE, SAVE ME FROM THIS HELLSCAPE.
7% OF AMERICANS AREN'T ON THE INTERNET.
ON THE ONE HAND THEIR STRESS LEVELS ARE WAY DOWN.
ON THE OTHER HAND, THEY MISSED OUT ON SOME GREAT JOKES ABOUT
THAT BOAT, THE BOAT BEING STUCK IN THE SUEZ CANAL.
MOVING ON, A WOMAN IN THE UNITED KINGDOM HAS JUST GIVEN BIRTH TO
A SON AND A DAUGHTER WHO WERE CONCEIVED THREE WEEK AS PART.
THE WOMAN WAS PREGNANT WITH HER SON WHEN SHE THEN CONCEIVED HER
DAUGHTER WHICH IS A RATHER PHENOMENON KNOWN AS
SUPERFETATION.
HOW KAZ CRAZY IS THAT.
SEX TWICE IN THREE WEEKS.
THIS IS BASICALLY LIKE THE WORST VERSION OF YOUR SIBLINGS WALKING
IN ON YOU WHEN YOU ARE IN THE BATHROOM.
I'M IN HERE, I WAS ALREADY IN HERE, MY GOD, CAN'T YOU WAIT.
THE WOMAN HAD BECOME PREGNANT THROUGH A RARE PHENOMENON THAT
PRODUCES WHAT ARE KNOWN AS SUPERTWIN, SUPERTWIN, AND WITH
THAT PHRASE, CBS HAS ALREADY TRNED IT INTO A SITCOM STARRING
ROB LOWE AND ROB LOWE.
SUPERTWINS, THURSDAYS ON CBS.
AND DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS, A MAN IN NEW MEXICO RECENTLY WENT
INTO THE GROCERY STORE FOR JUST TEN MINUTES AND WHEN HE CAME
BACK TO HIS CAR, HE FOUND THIS.
HE GOT BACK TO HIS CAR AND HE FOUND 15,000 BEES HAD MOVED INTO
HIS CAR.
LOOK AT THAT.
AND THE REAL HERO HERE IS WHOEVER COUNTED ALL OF THOSE
BEES.
THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE KNEW THERE WAS-- JUST SAY IT IS A
[BLEEP] LOAD OF BEE, HE GOT BACK TO HIS CAR, THERE WAS A [BLEEP]
LOAD OF BEES, NO WAY THEY KNEW IT WAS 15,000 BEES.
THE GUY WAS REALLY ANNOYED BECAUSE DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE JUST
BOUGHT IN THE GROCERY STORE?
15NOW BEES.
-- 15,000 BEES.
AND FINALLY, A COMPANY HAS NOW RELEASED A PINATA IT DESCRIBES
AS ADULT APPROPRIATE.
BECAUSE INSTEAD OF CANDY, IT IS FILLED WITH TINY PLASTIC BOTTLES
OF ALCOHOL.
YEAH, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE YOU GET A GLIMPSE OF WHAT LIFE IS
GOING TO BE LIKE WHEN THE PANDEMIC IS OVER AND ST WEIRD AS
[BLEEP].
THESE PINATAS SHOW UP TO YOUR PARTY, PREPACKED FULL OF LIQUOR.
THE JAMES CORDEN OF PINATAS.
THEY ARE THE PETE OF PINATAS, THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE.
IF YOU EVER WANT TO IMAGINE WHAT THAT PINATA WOULD SOUND LIKE IF
IT TALKED, HAVE A CHAT WITH PETE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> James: HOW MANY TINY-- TINY BOTTLESES ARE INSIDE YOU RIGHT
NOW, PETE?
>> YOU CAN'T COUNT.
>> James: YOU CAN'T COUNT.
>> NO.
>> James: THERE ARE MORE TINY BOTTLES THAN THERE WERE BEES IN
THAT MAN'S CAR.
THE BOOZE PINATA START AT $70 IF YOU WANT TO SPLURGE AND GET
SOMETHING FRANCE FANCIER FOR A FRACTION OF THE PRICE YOU CAN
JUST HANG A BOX OF WINE FROM THE CEILING FAN.