You’ve been broken up with your ex for a while now but they just won’t stop contacting you.
Why? You’re trying to move on but they’re making it even more difficult for you.
Find out why they won’t leave you alone and what you can do about it.
Hello and welcome! My name is Heather, I’m a registered professional counsellor
and a certified life coach. For more breakup advice,
from a counsellor make sure to subscribe to my channel and hit the bell to get notified of new videos every week.
You’re here because your ex won’t stop contacting you.
Trust me when I say this, "You are not alone". This has come up many times with my clients and what I’m going to
share with you in this video is exactly what I tell my clients in my sessions and guess what,
it works, so make sure you hit the like button so more people can find this helpful information.
Why are they still contacting you? Maybe you’ve already had all the talks
about closure and you both said everything that you needed to say to move on. If your ex
is still contacting you after all that, you need to understand that their actions are coming from
a place of fear - fear of losing you or fear of being alone. This is often triggered by an
attachment injury which makes them feel heightened levels of anxiety and this is something they have
to work through. They may feel the need to keep tabs on you or to check in with what you’re doing,
or they’re going through a difficult time and you’re the only one they can talk to about it.
If this sounds familiar to you, type yes in the comments below and give this video a thumbs up!
So what can you do about it? Your job is to make it really clear that the relationship is
over and the contacting must stop. Chances are, you might have been sending them mixed signals
without realizing it. Are you responding to their texts when they reach out to you? Are you reaching
out to them also? Remember, we teach people how to treat us. So if they keep contacting you and
you respond, great for them! They learned that they just need to call you 3 times in a row before you pick
up. If you don’t answer, they’ll try texting you and if you respond, then they learn that they just
need to text you 5 times before you respond back. Every time you respond back to them, you’re rewarding them
for their behaviour and they learn that after a certain amount of tries, they get what
they want, which is to talk to you. It won’t stop until you take yourself out of the situation. If you want the communication
to stop, it needs to be CLEAR about what it is you want. That means letting them know that in order
for the both of you to heal and move on, you don’t want any communication with them. That includes,
phone calls, texting, Facebook messages, Instagram DMs, emails. Let that be clear and let them know
if they continue to contact you then you will not respond no matter how many times they try.
If they’re trying to reach you because they’re having an emergency, then that’s too bad,
they should know by now to call someone else or call 911, they shouldn’t be calling you.
And remember, it's your responsibility to not respond to them, no matter how many times they try to reach out to you.
You need to follow through with your own boundaries that you set.
So don't feel the need to have to text them back because you've already made it crystal clear that
that's not your responsibility or your role anymore.
You can also let them know that you will be blocking them. Again, you’re not trying to be
mean or hurtful, you’re being clear and assertive that this needs to happen in order for both of you to move on.
Comment below and let me know what your biggest takeaway was from this video and I look forward to seeing your responses.
If you need extra support during this time,
schedule a free 20 minute consultation with me to see if my services are a right fit for you.
If you’re ready to move past your breakup and start healing,
I’d love to chat with you!
If you found this video helpful
make sure to like this video and subscribe to receive more helpful advice. Thank you so much for
watching and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Until then, be kind and love yourself.