We unconsciously do this every single day.
And we hope that one day,
we'll just wake up
and we will have the life that we always dreamt of.
This is about,
stopping to sabotage yourself
and start taking action
to create what you wanna create
in your life.
But this won't happen
until you identify
as to what is it
That you need to do differently?
Early on in my career,
when I was first starting my business
I found myself stuck.
I found myself stuck with constantly
in a phase of wanting to start my business?
And always being really inspired,
I wake up in the morning,
I would be inspired.
And then as I would race towards
actually doing something,
I would find myself confused and distracted.
And I found myself constantly going back
into the cycle of,
I need to make different decisions.
You see, like anyone
that is trying to build a new life for themselves,
or a new business for themselves?
they're always faced with many choices.
We live in a world of abundance
of choices.
Today with a click of a tab on our phone?
We have choices of people we can date.
With another tab,
we have choices of food we can order.
And in business,
you always have multiple choices
of what you can do
to be able to build your business.
The first reason that I found myself stuck
and you may be finding yourself stuck
right now in life?
Or in business?
Is because of our indecisiveness
about choices that we have.
Because of the abundance of choices
that the world has to offer today?
We have to become very discerning
and really understand
how to make a really good decision
that would be aligned
to what we really wanna create,
as our dream life.
It's often said in the business world,
is to create a successful business,
is to make decisions,
the right decisions,
over a long period of time.
I struggled to make decisions
and have that clarity
of which decision I wanna stick with
for years.
And because of that,
I struggled to grow my business
and create my dream life
for a very long time.
And it wasn't the only thing
that was stopping me
from creating a dream life.
How many of us identify ourselves
as people who wanna do things for other people?
It's also called a people pleaser.
How many of us find ourselves
wanting to do things
for our interpersonal relationships?
It could be,
little help a friend needs,
or somebody,
something that a partner needs,
or a parent needs,
a colleague needs.
And we tend to,
want to reach out
and please these people
because it gives us a sense of joy,
it gives us a sense of belonging.
We want to belong
in this beautiful community that we have around us.
And because of that,
we tend to prioritize
other people
over ourselves.
And it was the same for me.
I would prioritize
everybody else's work over my work.
If somebody needed a help,
I would rush out the door
and go deliver that job
that task for that person
before making sure that my tasks were complete.
I would help other businesses
before I would focus on my own business.
I would take the time out,
to support my friends in their passion projects
but before,
I had worked on my own and passion project.
How many times do we find ourselves
in these situations?
Where we want to help?
And because we want to help,
we start to deprioritize ourselves.
And that is where I was,
and I found myself sabotaging
my growth,
my success,
my potential,
because I wanted acceptance
from other people.
I wanted to please other people.
And you know what happened
when I was pleasing other people?
Well, more and more toxic people
started to show up in my life.
These were people
that were really close to me.
Some very close friends,
some really close partners
love partners too.
Where they would
almost to take away my passion
by having a conversation with me
it almost seemed like,
that they came into my life to tell me
I wasn't good enough.
That my dreams were too big
that what I wanted to do was unreasonable,
that what I was doing
was making them unhappy.
These toxic people
seemed to be surrounding me at all times.
They were always available to have a conversation.
And each of those conversations felt like,
it took away life force out of me.
And that is where,
I recognize that,
if these toxic people,
continue to persist in my surroundings?
I will always be influenced
to think less than what I'm really capable of.
To dream lesser,
to be lesser,
to experience lesser,
to challenge lesser,
to find my courage lesser.
And I didn't wanna be less than.
Do you experience right now?
That there are people in your life,
that may be sabotaging your life?
That may be hindering your growth?
Maybe taking you away from your success?
And when all these toxic people
start showing up in your life?
I started to recognize,
that I was building a negative self image.
A negative self image is where,
you are disassociated
by think of yourself less than
what you truly are.
You almost have a dissonance about yourself.
You talk yourself down,
you curb yourself down.
You tell yourself you're not good enough.
You tell yourself you're not confident enough.
You tell yourself you're not smart enough.
You tell yourself
that this is not gonna work out?
I started to see myself
in a light less than
what I truly was.
And what I found was,
these four things became
the Four Dark Horsemen.
That were always creating self sabotage in my life.
That if I was stuck,
it was because of one of these four reasons.
And I wanted to explore
why the hell was that happening?
Why is it?
That I am letting these Four Dark Horsemen
to, to ruin my life?
And that is where
our biological revolution comes in.
You see biologically,
you and I and all of us
have evolved from a time,
when we were fighting for survival.
So everything that our brain,
our mind processes
and tries to get us to do repeatedly
is designed for comfort.
A lot of us think
that our mind wants us to grow and develop
and do big things and be courageous.
But most of our mind is invested
in protecting us.
It wants us to stay safe
it wants us to stay comfortable.
And it is all for the right reasons.
For the longest time,
everything was against us.
The train was against us,
seasons were against us,
animals were against us,
sometimes even humans were against us.
So we were always under threat.
And so minds developed
this protocol
where it always wants to,
be safe.
And because it always is trying to keep us safe,
it tries to stop us
from anything,
that may feel courageous.
That may feel different
that means growth.
So when we are living our daily lives
our mind is just simply telling us,
don't grow.
Just take the same path to work every day
eat the same foods every day,
all kind of foods every day.
Eat the same kind of drinks every day
usually follow the same protocol
of the day every day.
And it tries to contain us
in a safe comfortable environment.
But guess what happens
when you stay in your safe comfortable environment?
While you don't grow,
you don't progress.
You don't take courageous next steps
you don't do things
that will actually get you unstuck.
So if you identify
with the Four Dark Horsemen
that I talked about,
that may be sabotaging you
and keeping you stuck in your reality,
you may wanna a look at,
these simple techniques
that will help you
get past the self sabotage.
will get you past this stuckness
that you might have found in your life,
or in your career,
in your business,
or even in your help.
The first reason why we stay stuck
and we self sabotage is because,
we have too many decisions to make
with too many choices.
And is where,
value-based decision making comes in.
value-based decision making
is based on the idea,
that we all have some inherent values.
If you really ask yourself,
what are your key values?
What is it that you value in life?
There will be three to five things
that would really be highlighted.
For me, it is love, service,
freedom and health.
If I have these four in order,
I feel joyous,
I feel great,
I feel happy,
and I am in alignment
with what I want to be in my life.
Now, when I have to make a decision
because I know my values?
It's easier for me.
I can simply weigh,
all of the different opportunities that I have,
or possibilities that I have,
against these four values.
When I make a decision,
does that conflict with my value of service?
Does it conflict with my value of love?
Does it conflict with my value of freedom?
Does it conflict in my value of help?
If it conflicts with any of the four things?
This option is out.
So this makes my decision making really easy.
Because firstly,
I would eliminate most of my options
simply by looking at,
if they conflict with any of my values.
If I'm left with three or four options?
Now I would rate it based on
which values does it need to fulfill?
For me to really feel aligned to this?
For example,
when I'm talking about business and career?
That is directly associated
to my value,
of service and freedom.
If it doesn't feel like freedom to me?
I don't want to do that business.
So it becomes really easy for me
to choose an option
because I'm basing it off a value
based decision making model.
And once you make better decisions?
You do run into the challenge
of people pleasing.
You want to help people, right?
My value is service.
I want to be able
to contribute to other people's life.
So how do I stop myself
from people pleasing?
How do I draw that line?
Which stops me,
at the place where I am in service
but I am prioritizing myself
so I can take care of myself too.
And this is where,
the beautiful work of setting boundaries comes in.
Boundary setting is simply an act of writing down,
what's okay?
And what's not okay?
When something is okay,
when something is not okay.
For example,
now that I know
that I am always interested
in being able to help everybody
especially the people around me,
I have set a container
for myself to prioritize myself.
There's certain times in the day,
that are non-negotiable.
You can ask me to do anything,
but not during those times.
Because those times?
Are for me.
Those times are for me,
to go take care of my health.
Those times are for me
to be creative,
to be able to do my personal practices,
to read,
to study,
to take a walk,
things that I truly enjoy
and I do it for myself.
This creates a really good practice
of my loved ones to understand and know,
when I'm available,
when I'm not.
And it also tells me,
certain times today
that have prioritized for myself.
Which gives me a very easy path
to take it of myself
before I go out and serve other people.
Now the example I gave you's for work
but boundaries are defined everywhere.
We have set boundaries
in my love relationships,
and my parenting relationships,
in my friendship relationships.
I have set boundaries everywhere
to make sure that,
I still am in service
of my friends and my family members and my clients
but at the same part of time,
I also make sure that,
I am taken care of.
Now while I was setting boundaries,
of course all those toxic people
that were in my life?
Started to really revolt against it.
They started to go,
well, this is not okay?
I cannot accept your boundaries.
Or they kept violating the boundaries that,
we had decided that we would have?
And that gave me,
a really good function of asking myself
a very important question
that I think you could ask yourself right now as well.
Ask yourself who is it?
That gives me energy?
And who is it?
That takes away energy from me
on a daily basis
or a weekly basis.
When I asked that question to myself,
it was very obvious to me
in a matter of minutes.
Of people that gave me energy?
And also the people that took away energy from me.
And because now I knew who gave me energy?
I knew that I wanted to prioritize those relationships.
And I knew who was taking away energy from me,
I also knew,
that I need to first?
Reach out to these relationships
and inform that that this is happening
and if they were willing to mend their ways?
If they were not?
I was okay to let these relationships go.
You see, to create your dream life,
sometimes,
you have to let people go
to be a able to work on your dream life,
to expand into your dream life,
to be able to create your dream life.
Now, sometimes these people will come back
with positive energy
when they're at a different stage of their life.
And sometimes,
they're gone for good.
Either of the ways,
it'll be better for you
for the long term dream life that you wanna live
that you let these people go.
Now initially when you will be letting them go,
it's gonna hurt,
it's gonna be a little painful.
It may even become
a little bit of a fight
between you and this person
or these set of people.
And that's okay.
Because while this will cause
short term pain and agony for you?
On the long term,
you get to live your dream life.
And as these negative people,
toxic people,
started to shed away from my life,
I started to recognize,
that I can see,
more affirmative version of myself.
I could see a more positive version of myself.
And which led me to the exercise of
actually doing a journal in practice
on a daily basis
to improve my self image of myself.
You see negative self-talk
or your personal self image,
deeply influences
the kind of relationships that you bring
or the kind of opportunities you secure,
the kind of career you build,
the kind of business you build.
Because if you constantly talk down to yourself
and if you create a negative self-image,
you become really bad
at keeping really good interpersonal relationships
and creating really good career.
Because you're not motivated
you're not excited about life.
But when you start talking yourself up?
Because now all these toxic people have gone away?
And now you're really working on
affirmations for yourself.
You're writing positive journaling exercises
where you're talking about how great you are?
Or what sort things that you're great at?
How the day went really well?
You practice these things
and you repeat them to yourself.
You find,
that you now,
have a positive self-image.
It may take several days
and several weeks of consistent
reminding yourself of these affirmations
and leaning into these affirmations.
But as you increase the frequency
of you doing this practice?
You find,
that you are starting to see yourself
in more and more positive light.
While these exercises will help you
stop the self sabotage,
and will help you,
create a new life for yourself,
there are three core beliefs
that are behind every single problem
that we have in our life.
Learning to identify these beliefs
that are holding you back?
Helps you overcome these beliefs
and set up actions
that can help you,
achieve your perfect dream life.
Click on the link below
because I have a video for you
that shares how to identify
these beliefs for yourself.