do
i have a question do you say you have to go through me or you have to go past me uh
you have to go through me okay wait what this vol there is only one person you should be voting for
and it's granny education is very important to me did i get it right
yeah you got it right sweetie i'm a nudist and i like granny because she supports my cause
i sure do health care i care free viagra for everyone our nation will be
hard as a rock i love the young people let me show you boys how to hope all right
she's got my vote jobs they all matter from strippers to fighter pilots
but mostly strippers don't worry about national security i've got it covered this is just one
of the weapons in my arson and you're all set your bill is going to be 450 okay thank you
oh looks like your car got declined i'll be right back okay
just answer the question okay please don't play with me right now
what excuse me don't just play along play longer
who are you play along i dare you to ignore her for 24 hours oh guys
hey honey i'm going to start doing anything
i'm going to the store do you need anything
hello do you want to see what i got
try the new spicy ghost pepper donut from dunkin ghost pepper thank you for choosing duncan you can
order whenever you're ready yeah can i get the new spicy ghost peppered on it actually make that too
thank you okay so i'm gonna try these donuts with brian but his are gonna be a little bit more spicy
okay it's time to go get brian dude i'm at your house okay i'm recording
i got these new spicy ghost pepper donuts okay from dunkin it seems really weird we're gonna
eat them we're just gonna eat them you can feel a little heat it's like it's like sweet
and spicy but it's supposed to be that spicy i'm serious it's not that small oh my gosh
it's not that spicy what i actually like it a lot dude that's so spicy so my sister just saw a cute
boy in target being the cool sister that i am i decided to be her win man and help her out
so he's standing behind us in the checkout line and my sister's acting all nervous so i thought
it would be a good idea to knock her stuff off the checkout table in hopes that he would help
her pick it up so i just grabbed all my bags when i took off running i looked over my shoulder and
i realized that he was help that he was gosh dang it sorry that he was helping her pick up her stuff
i'm a pretty good wingman did you get his phone number forever why what happened nothing did you
get his phone number no what happened to help him i let one slip you let what slip what where is the
bag of stuff why didn't you leave it because after i farted he said it's okay sometimes
oh my gosh
sure you are beautiful can i get your snack sure yeah we can start a streak
oh hey you're here hey yo i'm outside and then he went in the grocery store naked oh no way and then
he went in the grocery store naked omg i can't even i'm dead stop i'm levitating i'm legit having
heart palpitations i'm totally being sent to the moon with no firm grasp of reality right now
everybody i'm uh i'm a basketball player you can't put on a jersey and call it a costume
take one
it says to take one get back here oh i got so much candy let's see what i got sup happy
halloween are you kidding me no and we make up 90 of the candy that you got tonight oh is that so
i dare you to say yes to everything she says for 24 hours
shouldn't be too hard hi baby doing laundry wow are you planning to take them yes you love me
yes you would never cheat on me use i see what you wouldn't see on me yes yes you would cheat on me
yes all right are you dumb yes girl in the world
i'm gonna yes to play yes can i have a louis vuitton bag
can i have a cat yes
yes i like this one
guys want to know how to get a car like this i'm going to show you in three easy steps one two
three
shut up oh my god i'm a cop so why are you here william i saw you stealing some chicken mcnuggets
and i need for you to pay your hands no put your mouth down
that's not a gun yes it is that's not a gun oh wait wrong one oh no
what are you doing i don't want to have to bring the big dog out who's the big dog a canine dog
he's a baby he's gonna bite you he's a sheriff cop
dog going back to that i was saying you're under arrest come on man let's go now chicken nuggets
there you go good girl something super awkward just happened so i just went to go get the vinti
iced white mocha with sweet cream and extra caramel drizzle drizzle so i drive up to the
window cashier says the person in front of you already paid for your drink i was like how sweet
so i just pulled around the building and there is a guy in his car like this hey i was like
i saw the look of disappointment on his face so he rolled down his window and i'm like he
apologized and said sorry i thought you were someone else that wasn't for you so i laugh
he laughs i was like thanks for the coffee though he said you're welcome but can you pay me back
for that so all i have is my credit card so i tell him i don't have cash all i have is chain
he's like oh it's fine change will do so i just paid this man back seven dollars or almost seven
dollars and change man it's gonna be a great week spooky facts i can do better spooky facts
i did this last year that's the spirit if you decide to donate your body to science
they could use you as a real life crash test dummy they could also sever off your head to
be practiced for plastic surgeons or they could leave your body in a field to study
how it decomposes in different conditions most people smell different when they're asleep when
you die your hearing is actually the last thing to go so the last thing you'll probably ever
experience is like the paramedics calling off cpr or your family saying like finally
time for work cuddles
cuddles i wear my cuddles what huh how are you awake right now where do you think you're going
i need cuddles i gotta go to work babe do you want me to die what no every second that we're
not cuddling i'm slowly disintegrating so you're killing me right now by leaving oh that's that's
probably the craziest thing that i've i've ever heard i'm dying oh i can see the light
babe i gotta go to work dude i'm cruise is that you tom cruise isn't even dead
he's not michael jackson oh honey we got our first trick-or-treaters
hey man trick-or-treater smell my feet or
whatever aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating you're like a grown
man why do we kiss like what makes kissing so enjoyable humans are the only species to
romantically kiss and even then it's not like all of our societies and cultures do it scientists and
anthropologists have both said that kissing is a western culture phenomenon we don't know why
we kiss but we still kiss because it feels good but nobody knows why it feels good like why does
half the world say i'm gonna touch my mouth with your mouth and share 80 million saliva bacteria
with you for pleasure while the other half the world thinks it's revolting like what the [ __ ]
dude