Clay: Is your ex just giving you false hope? That's what
we're going to be talking about in this video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life.,
where we help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without
having to play mind games, without having to play hard-to-get, and without having to pretend to be
someone or something that you are not, because you of course deserve to be loved for the unique,
amazing, and wonderful person that you are. If you agree with me, please help me out with
this YouTube channel by hitting that thumbs up button for the algorithm and by subscribing to
the channel down below, and by leaving a comment about anything on this video that
might resonate with you or anything else that you might think is going on that could be causing you
to think that your ex is giving you false hope. What's going on here is your ex is probably not
trying to give you false hope. I know that there are a lot of people out there that are trying to
hedge their bets. They don't want to get their hopes up to have them disappointed. They don't
want to think that there's the possibility that they're going to get back together with their ex
and then find out that it didn't happen or something like that. I just want you to know that
although we can't predict the future, we can't predict what is or isn't going to happen,
your ex most likely isn't trying to string you along and give you false hope. Okay?
Now again, there's a lot of different types of people out there in the world and I don't know
your ex personally most likely, but most people out there want to believe that they're going to
do the right thing and they want to believe that they're being fair to the other people in their
lives. And if there's really not a chance that the two of you are going to get back together
or they're really just totally closed off to it forever, then they're probably going to spell
it out for you. Okay? They're probably going to spell it out for you in some form or other.
Granted, there are all types of people out there, and there are types of people out there who might
get some sort of power trip out of stringing you along, or they might be doing it to
punish you for something that happened in the past or whatever, but most people
are probably not going to do that. Now, you probably know your ex's
personality because you are obviously in a relationship with them. You would know
if they had the capacity to do that. You would know if they had the capacity to intentionally
string you along or hurt you or do that to other people or something like that, so you
can kind of look into your understanding of them and say, "Okay, they might have that in them."
Okay if that's the case, then potentially they might be stringing you along, potentially they
might be giving you false hope. But most of the time, I think people can look at their ex and say,
"You know what? Yeah, we might've had our disagreements or whatever, but they've always
done their best to do the right thing and I don't think they would probably do that."
With that being said though, they might have a hard time being honest. People might want to
do the right thing, but they might also have a hard time being honest with other people,
especially if they think that you are strongly attached to the idea of getting back together,
or maybe they don't want to hurt you or something like that. They have an uncomfortable
experience telling you, "Hey, I just don't want to get back together. I just don't see it as a
possibility." They might just not be able to directly tell that to you, and so they might
dance around the subject or something like that. If that's truly what you think they might be like,
because they're timid or non-confrontational or whatever, then you might want to just
create the context where you can just say, "Hey, it's totally okay if you say yes or no. It's
totally okay if you just give it to me straight. I know it can be tough to do that. I know it
can be tough to have difficult conversations, but I want to know honestly where you're at."
If you can kind of create that context where they can feel safe to share their opinion and their
thoughts and their feelings, then you're much more likely to get an honest answer from them.
The next thing is they might be not necessarily using you, but they might be kind of torn
in terms of, "Do I want to be in a relationship with you?", or maybe there's some other person
in their life. Right? They might be kind of torn about, "Should we get together or
am I going to get together with this other person?" Maybe they don't even know, and so
they're just trying to keep both options open. Now this is probably most common,
because oftentimes after a breakup your ex is going to be genuinely confused
about what they want or whether or not they made the right choice or how the two of you
are supposed to fit into each other's lives, and so there's this really blurred kind of ambiguous
stage that they sort of go through where they're trying to figure all of this out.
That's not to say that they're stringing you along or giving you false hope,
because the truth is they don't even know what they want at this point most likely,
unless they have it in them to manipulate you or hurt you or something like that.
But they're probably just genuinely confused and they're just trying to figure out what they want.
If that's the case and you do want to save the relationship, then you know what you got to do is
you got to focus on the emotional connection, like we've talked about in so many videos in the past,
strengthen that emotional foundation, build up the connection to a certain degree,
and then give them a good reason to want to actually get back together with you.
In that case, it's not really false hope, it's them just being genuinely confused,
not knowing what they want to do or where they want to take things, but them just having some
sort of connection with you and trying to keep that connection alive hoping that it's going to
help them make a better decision. If you can feed that emotional connection, it's going to
help them to make a decision that brings the two of you closer together much more easily. Okay?
So again, they're most likely not trying to string you along and give you false hope or
something like that, unless they've got it in them to do that. But most likely they're just
a genuinely decent person who's confused, who doesn't know what they want, who's trying to
figure out their own life. I mean, at the end of the day that's what I think all of us are. We're
just trying to figure out our lives. Sure, some people seem like they have it all put together,
but there's probably some other aspect of their life that isn't quite where they want it to be.
There's a lot of things that I'm trying to figure out in my own life as well, too. I mean, we just
got our first home a few months ago and there's all kinds of things we've got to figure out. Oh,
my goodness. I got this weird letter from the treasurer of the county that we live in about
property taxes and stuff, and it's like, "What? I thought our mortgage company was
paying for this. What?" So I've got to figure all that out. But anyway.
Then there's all kinds of business things I have to figure out as well, too. Taxes. Oh my goodness,
it's tax season. I hate tax season. Anyway, if you don't know,
if you run your own business, doing your taxes is an incredibly painful,
challenging process. If you just have a normal job and you just get a W2 form or something,
and you just say, "There it is," spend an hour filling out some paperwork and put it in the mail
and your thing's done, that is not what my experience is like. It's nights of going through
numbers and organizing things, and back and forth with my accountant and all of that. It's not fun.
But yeah, we all have things that we're trying to figure out in life and we're just trying to do our
best, all of us are. And generally, you're not going to find too many people that are going to
intentionally go out of their way to screw you over or hurt you. Yeah, it can happen. Yeah,
there are people out there that can and will do that, but most of us, we're just trying to do our
best. We're just trying to do the right thing. Sometimes we do get confused and sometimes it
does cause us to send mixed messages, or say one thing and then sometimes do the other or
something like that. It's not necessarily a sign of a nefarious intent or anything like that,
it's usually just a sign of confusion. You can help someone with confusion
by showing them warmth, showing them compassion, showing them empathy, and helping them to
make that choice to get closer to you. Okay? Once again, if that is something that you want
some help with, we do have our courses down below. Probably the most relevant one for communication
and such would be Effortless Connection. Check it out. If it seems right for you, feel free to
sign up. If not, no worries. But if you did find this video helpful, please help me out with this
channel by hitting that thumbs up button and by subscribing as well, too, to the channel. I'm a
confused guy. I'm just trying to figure out how to have a great, successful YouTube channel, but
from what I hear, if you do that and if you hit the subscribe button, it's going to help. So help
me out, maybe, assuming that's how the algorithm actually works by doing all those sorts of things.
If you do want to learn more about what your ex is thinking, we do have this whole video playlist
over here on what your ex is thinking, their psychology and all of that during this whole
breakup experience. Or, you might want to check out this video right over here. Once again,
my name is Clay. Please take care, and I'll talk to you next time.