[Music]
every gamer down in game ville liked
Christmas a lot but the nerd who lived
just north of game Ville did not he
stood there on Christmas Eve staring
down from his cave with a sour nerdy
frown at the warm lighted windows below
in their town ah Christmas that time of
year when everyone gets an awesome new
video game but the ones I always get are
so unspeakably lame wall street kid is a
game about cash and stocks might as well
fill my Christmas socks with trash and
severed cat [ __ ] toki going apeshit I
admit you can't move while spitting and
die in one hit
killing time on three do it doesn't give
you enough ammo your parents paying 50
bucks for a game where you shoot the
[ __ ] out of ducks really sucks I'd
rather eat the sea skunk yeast and play
inferior arcade ports like altered beast
altered beast is a nut kicking feast I
can't stand in the least
then there's games that are so
ridiculously hard giving a reasonable
challenge is something the programmers
disregard Last Action Hero
I can't even pass the first stage
getting whacked to death by Ernest P
Worrell sends me into a fit of rage
Double Dragon on Atari what is this [ __ ]
I can't even get up and score one-hit
scat stands for special cybernetic
attack team but the droppings of
carnivorous mammals is what the word
scat really means it's as close as you
can get to a Nintendo game called [ __ ]
balls is an aptly named travesty on SNES
that makes no sense and is a cockamamie
but brain mess
I'd be so letdown playing on Christmas
morning but a game with a clown should
have come as a warning
all those young gamers get to play
something he or she enjoys while I get
the ones with terrible graphics and
awful noise noise noise if they play two
seconds of ultraman they throw that junk
I reckon back to Japan they puke at the
nauseating effect of marsupilami the
camera jumps with the character and
that's a bunch of [ __ ] sauce and salami
they take an axe to Mad Max they take
offense to taboo The Sixth Sense
they'd shriek squeaks and squeals racing
around with Bigfoot's uncontrollable
wheels they tried kicking and pit
fighter like there's lead weights tied
to their heels they try skating and
skater died without falling flat on
their face while staring at Rodney
Dangerfield with a mohawk such a
disgrace the kids today have their
first-person shooters they talk on their
headsets and go online with their
advanced computers they play their music
and rhythm games go jumping around and
swinging when those morning christmas
bells are ringing they're rocking out in
their living rooms jamming and singing
they sing and they'd sing and they
sing sing sing sing and the more the
nerd fault of this Christmas sing the
more the nerd fought and must start this
whole thing I put up with us long enough
now I have to find a way to start
Christmas from coming but how then he
got an idea an awful idea the nerd got a
wonderful awful idea I know just what to
do the nerd laughed in his fruit I'll
make a quick Santy Claus hat in a close
and he chuckled and clucked what a great
nerdy trick with this coat in this hat
I'll look just like Saint Nick while all
the gamers are asleep tonight I'll give
him some games they can play all right
[Music]
mr. nerd
[Music]
or a jar you're shameless as a [ __ ] mop
you got mischief and your smirk
I would
when you're playing Atari berserk
[Music]
the Nerds slay started down toward the
town where the gamers Laius news without
care when he came to the first little
house on the square this is stop number
one the old nerdy Claus hissed he
climbed to the roof bags of shitty games
in his fist
then he ducked down the chimney a bit
absurd but if Mario could do it then so
could the nerd then he stuck his head
out of his fireplace with a game of
stockings off and in a row
these stockings he grinned are the first
things to go
then he slithered and slunk so silent
and Swift around the whole room
he took every gift he took all the games
that would make the kids happy and
replace them with ones that were
terribly crappy the free Stooges north
and south - space had Captain America
The Punisher Bill and Ted T&C surf
design that one's pretty good like a
rat's ass they'd like it they would it's
by LJN that's all you need to know it's
the worst surfing experience you'll ever
undergo the controls blow and there's a
cat in a tuxedo a gorilla some masked
men it's really a freak show you move
around staying adrift on a motionless
tide one wrong move and it's the end of
your ride even if you're doing fine
you'll suddenly get hit by a bird it's
as much fun as ringing the stank juice
out of a turd skating may be the best
part
but it's still just as delightfully tart
as a broccoli bean burrito eating skunk
that's ready to fart
you're a vile one mr. nerd you got
you're watching your wicked for your
crap is full of gold mr. Duggar is
charming and fun
[Music]
we'll see how they like circus caper
it's as fun as inhaling Chewbacca's anal
vapor you're running around knocking
down carnival performers and the crowd
are all clowns why are the clowns in the
audience and not in the show why they
spell the name of the game what shame
we'll never know when you punch people
items fly straight up in the air that's
unfair makes me rip out my hair
the hell with Sir Isaac Newton they
don't care what goes up must come down
not in this game they were just [ __ ]
around
what turkeys worked on this murky mess
of monkey jerky some quirky jackass from
Albuquerque punching kicking lunging and
sticking short-range attack bending way
back like a broom somewhat been shoved
up your butt what's that bonus stages to
keep score what for
since Atari score doesn't matter anymore
when you die you go back only one chance
cut me some slack in this stage I'm
flying around
I'd like to stay up but they forced me
to go down there's no buffer you can't
touch the bottom of the screen kill by
invisible airspace the stupidest thing
I've ever seen tiny elephants a kangaroo
in a ring a guy with a sword all crazy
things
throwing soccer balls at a [ __ ] sack
what were they smoking crack jumping in
and out of magic hats fighting over meat
with white cats save the girl why am I
not thrilled she was a target for knife
throwing too bad she didn't get killed
how about puss and boots that one really
sucked
dodging eagle poop in a car man it's
[ __ ] nothing's more high-class than
the Statue of Liberty going right up
your ass Puss in Boots appeared on the
title screen to fist to the North Star
what's that mean a fist coming out of a
star gee that's bizarre
one tiny jump takes you to the top of
the screen damn you almost touched the
score what are you on a trampoline
trying to break blocks just can't hit
the spot with those white socks just
kick till you rot walking so slow why
can't you run so tedious that's no fun
the boss exploded after I died a random
guy vanished what did he just hide going
upstairs where am I now there's no
continuity I don't see how one minute
I'm here one minute
err I just reappear anyplace anywhere
guys jumping through the roof this game
is so glitch now they're coming through
the floor what's going on such a [ __ ]
you can't go in most of the doors like
this big one how can you ignore finding
the right door is such a chore come on
where do I go what a bore finally when
you do find the right door how do you go
in want to know the way not up not down
by pressing right be an a how much were
they drinking why is it so stinking I'm
staring unblinking what were they
thinking
[Music]
the three words that describe you are it
was in the morning lights when all the
gamers began to rise and in the Nerds
delight eagerly listened in on their
surprise I know just what they'll do
those swine's the play those horrible
games the Christmas will be ruined like
all mine the nerd put his hand to his
ear and he did hear their sounds going
fast
at first they were aghast why then they
started to laugh every gamer down in
Gainesville the tall and small was
playing with the worst games of all he
hadn't ruined Christmas it came just the
same the nerd with his nerd feet
ice-cold in the snow stood puzzling how
could it be so it came with bad dudes
it came with Swamp Thing it came with
Goonies Waldo and ring King he puzzled
and puzzled till his puzzler was sore
then the nerd for to something he hadn't
before maybe bad games
he rode into game ville to the girls and
boys he brought back their presents all
the games and their toys both the good
and the bad the outdated and the rad the
notorious and nifty and the PlayStation
frees the Xbox 360 and the Nintendo weed
he brought everything back all the games
for the face and he himself the nerd
Beauty welcomed Christmas bring your
cheer cheer to all the gamers far and
near welcomed Christmas while we play
some pretty [ __ ] shitty games today
you