[clip] I will be the greatest Pokémon-trainer!
[Adam] We've seen this... [clip] I will be the greatest pokémon trainer!
[Mark] (laughs)
[Mark] We've been here.
[Adam] They like to re-use a lot of animation.
[Adam] They have...
[Adam] the long-ass credits at the end. They have the Poké-rap.
[Adam] And then they just re-use a bunch of footage.
[Mark] Jesus! [Adam] There's a big recap.
[Adam] We're at episode four!
[clip] Challenge of the Samurai!
[Adam] Uh-oh...
[clip] I think I see another bug!
[Adam] You're in a forest...
[clip] Maybe it's a...
[clip] Cowterpie!
[Mark] HYAAAAAA-- [Adam] WOOOOAA--
[clip] I hate bugs, and I saw one right over there!
[clip] A weedle!
[Mark] You're a weedle!
[clip] The stinger on this pokémon's head guarantees that any attacker will get the point, right when--
[Mark] (sighs in dismay)
[Mark] (laughs)
[Mark] Man!
[Adam] Why?
[Mark] Too many puns!
[Adam] What's with your eye?
[Mark] "Look at me lift my balls!"
[Mark] "I'll turn my head and cough."
[clip] You deserve to have your head examined!
[Adam] Mmm. You can examine my head alright, Misty.
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] Mmm. You can examine my head alright, Misty.
[Mark] "Aaaarhh!!"
[Mark] "Leave my gam-gams alone!"
[Mark] "NOOOO!!"
[Mark] Aaahh!
[clip] Greetings, oh shrieking Maiden.
[Adam] It's a white knight!
[Mark] In the wild!
[Adam] "I will protect you, Damsel."
[Clip] Alas!
[Adam] "M'lady!"
[Mark] Looks like a typical Reddit user.
[clip] Am I addressing the Pokémon trainer who comes from Pallet?
[Mark] "Who the fuck's askin?!"
[Adam] "I'm gonna murder you."
[clip] That sword doesn't scare me!
[Mark] There's just piss running down his leg.
[Mark] (chuckles)
[clip] I am Samurai!
[Adam] I really don't like his voice.
[Adam] I hate everything about this guy.
[clip] I forgot about Weedle!
[clip] Go!
[Adam] Fuck!
[Mark] "FUUUU--"
[Mark] What?! How is he tired?! [Adam] Aaaarhh! You killed it!
[Mark] Fuck off!
[Adam and Mark] (laughing)
[Mark] He's just so drunk!
[clip] Pidgeotto! Sand attack!
[Adam] Aaaarrrh!
[Mark] Fuck your shit! [Adam] Aaaarrrh!
[Adam] "Mmm. Sand."
[clip] That's child's play!
[Mark] "What're you, a little baby?"
[Mark] (laughs)
[Mark] "Fuck."
[clip] Watch and weep, as Pinsir crushes your metapod in half!
[Adam] Is that a pokémon move?
[Mark] Oh fuck, I- OOOOHH!!
[Mark] OH MY GOD! [Adam] (laughs)
[Adam] "I will murder your fucking Pokémon."
[Adam] "Ooohh."
[Mark] OOOOHHH!!
[clip] Pinsir, return!
[Mark] (snickers)
[Adam] Is that like... permanent damage?
[Mark] Yeah, I know. What the fuck!
[clip] Clever. Quite clever.
[Adam] HEH?!
[Mark] (laughs)
[clip] Metapod?
[Mark] (gasps) [Adam] Hoooh!
[Mark] (constipated noise)
[Adam] Are they facing each other?
[clip] Metapod! Harden, like his!
[clip] Maximum hardness, Metapod!
[Mark] So we're past the point that this is just a euphemism for dicks.
[Adam] Yeah. [Mark] They're literally just measuring cocks at this point.
[Mark] They're literally just measuring cocks at this point.
[Mark] "Uuurrh~! Harder, Metapod!"
[Adam] "I'll get harder than you!" [Mark] "Uuurrh~! Harder, Metapod!"
[Adam] "mmmmmm!" [Mark] "Mine will be the hardest!"
[Mark] (laughs)
[Mark] "Look at mine. it's bigger! See? Let's compare!"
[Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] "My dick is a sundial."
[Adam] Why are THEY sweating?"
[Mark] I... don't know.
[Adam] They're, like, taking a shit at the same time.
[clip] You two are more hard-headed than your Metapods!
[Mark] 'Hard-headed'.
[Adam] Mmm!
[clip] A Beedrill swarm approaches!
[clip] Good day!
[Mark] (laughs)
[Mark] Wha-?
[Mark] OOOOHH NOOO!! [Adam] EEEEYY!!
[Adam] "Why are they trying to steal my Pokémon?"
[Adam] What does he want to use it for?
[Mark] It's got a really weird fetish.
[Adam] Oh fuck! Come on!
[Mark] OOOHH!! [Adam] Oh fuck! Come on!
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] Oh fuck! Come on!
[Mark] I wonder!
[Adam] Hey, it's Mark!
[Mark] (strangely sexual noise)
[Adam] Ooohh! [Mark] (strangely sexual noise)
[clip] A whole hive of Kakunas!
[Mark] "NYEEEHH!"
[clip] Hey! Over there! It's Metapod!
[Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] How do you know it's yours? [Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] Why are they evolving?!
[Mark] Oh shit!
[Mark] Oh man, there's gonna be like some Cronenberg shit that's gonna crawl out--
[Mark] Oh my god! [Adam] Oh my god!
[Mark] Ooohh! [Adam] Aliens!
[Adam] Oh, it's just a mirror image of the other shot.
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] Oh, it's just a mirror image of the other shot.
[Mark] Thanks! [Adam] Oh, it's just a mirror image of the other shot.
[Mark] Thanks, Pokémon!
[Adam] Oh God.
[Adam] That'd murder you.
[clip] Here's Johnny~!
[Adam] AAAARRH!! [Mark] (laughs)
[Mark] WAAAHH!!
[Adam] "I don't wanna be a Pokémon master anymore!"
[Mark] "Aahhh, cosplaying sure is fun!"
[Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] (chuckles) [Mark] (laughs)
[clip] I tried to save Metapod.
[Adam] Misty's like: "And I have menopause!"
[Wind whistling]
[clip] The other trainers from Pallet would never have been so irresponsible!
[clip] Have you fought Pokémon matches against Gary and the others?
[clip] Aaahh!
[Mark] "Yes! The others!" [Adam] Heh!
[Adam] "Garrus and the two other guys!"
[Adam] I said Garrus... I should have said Gary...
[Mark] Mmmm~! Got your mind on Garrus, I see~
[Adam] (laughs) [Mark] Mmmm~! Got your mind on Garrus, I see~
[Adam] I was thinking about something else...
[Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] This episode's all about hardening.
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] This episode's all about hardening.
[Mark] I told you! Its all about dicks!
[Adam] Subliminal messages...
[Mark] Urhh... [Adam] Subliminal messages...
[Adam] So that preacher was right about Pokémon being satanic, then.
[clip] Pokémon is a game
[clip] that teaches children how to enter into the world of witchcraft,
[clip] how to cast spells, how to use psychic phenomena.
But while you might not take it quite seriously,
I assure you that demons take it quite seriously.
Satan takes it quite seriously.
Your children need to know there's a devil, and he hates them, and he wants to ruin their life!
[clip] Hmmmm...
[Mark] Hmmmm.
[Adam] AAARRH!!
[Mark] "I'M WALKIN' 'ERE!!"
[clip] (Oddly monotonous screaming)
[Adam] (laughs)
[Adam] That was the worst scream ever!
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] That was the worst scream ever!
[clip] I didn't abandon you, Metapod! I just got sidetracked!
[clip] It was all Samurai's faul-- Aaahh!!
[Adam] (laughs) [Mark] "AWHOAAA!! AGAIN!"
[Adam] Dropped the eggs!
[clip] No... It wasn't Samurai's fault...
[Mark] "I'm a cuck!"
[clip] It was my fault.
[Adam and Mark] (laughing) [clip] It was my fault.
[Adam and Mark] (laughing)
[Adam] (laughs) [Mark] You-- wooow!
[Adam] This music! [Mark] You're really, like, beating the shit outta youself!
[Mark] You're really, like, beating the shit outta youself!
[Adam] This is, like, the third act. Something has to be, like, sad.
[Adam] There has to be something at steak.
[Mark] Uh-oh, it's getting erect!
[Adam] HOOOAARRH!!
[Mark] "Fuck you!" [Adam] HOOOAARRH!!
[Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] It just starts bleeding.
[Mark] (dying noises) [Adam] It just starts bleeding.
[Mark] (dying noises) [Adam] It, like, shivers and dies.
[Adam] Oooohh!
[Mark] The power that's inside!
[Mark] Hey- hey, Adam, which Pokémon is low on fat?
[Mark] Butterfree!
[Adam] Oooohh! [Mark] AHAHAHA! AHAHAH!!
[Clip] (Butterfree makes annoying warbling sound)
[Mark] Butterfree has, like, one of the most annoying voices.
[Adam] Yeah. [Mark] Butterfree has, like, one of the most annoying voices.
[Clip] (Warbling continues)
[Mark] What IS that?
[clip] Yeah!
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] (stutters)
[Mark] "I love you, man!" [Adam] Wow. (chuckles)
[Adam] Nap time!
[Mark] The Metapods at its-- [Adam] Nap time!
[Mark] The Metapods at its-- [Adam] Sleepy time, guys!- OW!
[Adam] Sleepy time, guys!- OW!
[Adam] I wanna reboot this show for adults and have it be, like, 10 times more violent and bloody.
[clip] OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--
[Mark] Yipee!
[Adam] WHOAAAAA!! [Mark] Yipee!
[Adam] WHOAAAAA!! [Mark] Woah! Woah! WOAH!
[Adam] Wow, that's record hang time.
[Mark] Gravity ain't a thing! [Adam] Wow, that's record hang time.
[clip] Before we leave you, Samurai, we still have to finish our match.
[clip] Just promise not to match Metapod vs Metapod again.
[Mark] "Well, I don't--" [Adam] "Well, I have Butterfree, so..."
[Mark] Yeah. [Adam] "Well, I have Butterfree, so..."
[Mark] "I've got a better Pokémon than you."
[Mark] "Pussy!"
[Mark] "Later~!" [Adam] "Bye!"