If you are an adult child with aging parents, the chances of one of your parent ending up living
alone is fairly high. In the United States, over 14 million elderly adults are living alone. And
the US is leading the charge compared to the rest of the world. According to Pew Research Center,
older people are more likely to live alone in the U.S. than elsewhere in the world. 27% of adults
ages 60 and older live alone in the US, compared with 16% of adults in the 130 countries studied.
It's morbid to think about, but many of us, myself included, have thought and worried about the day
that one of our elderly parents passes away and the other one is left to live alone.
Millions of questions - most often ones I don't want to think about race through my mind. Is it
ok for them to live alone? Is it what they want? How safe is it? When is it no longer safe? What
signs should I be looking for? What should I do if they can't live alone anymore? Hi,
if you are new to the channel, my name is Tae from Financial Tortoise - a channel dedicated
to creating Personal Finance content for the Sandwich Generation. In this video,
I want to address some of these heavy questions. I'll cover 5 warning signs to look for,
some tips on how to navigate this sensitive topic and a few options you can consider.
5 Warning Signs That Your Aging Parent Shouldn’t Be Living Alone 1. Your Parent Frequently Falls
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than one in four older
adults fall every year. For many elderly living alone, falling is their number one concern.
My wife's grandmother lived alone until she was 90 years old. We knew she fell at home,
but she didn't want us to know - she was a strong woman who thrived on her independence. But once,
my mother in law found her fallen in the bathroom and not able to get up. Thank goodness
she was able to find her quickly, but it was a trigger point for the family that grandma needed
more attention. 2. Your Parent Has Become A Hermit It could be because it's physically exhausting,
but it could also be mental health related. Social anxiety is a downward spiral - as we
can all relate to our first time at the school playground as a six year old. It's hard to connect
with people. And once we isolate ourselves, we can gravitate towards it more often. For our aging
parents, if they are continuously avoiding social contact, it can lead to mental health issues such
as anxiety and depression. 3. Your Parent's Home Is Messy And Unclean If your parents
home was messy to begin with, this might not be as relevant. But if your parent was known for keeping
a tidy home and you begin to notice that it's no longer as clean and tidy as before, you want to
pay attention. As we age, daily chores are not as easy to manage. It was easy to pull out a vacuum
cleaner when we were young, but as we get older it becomes a labor intensive activity. I see this
with my own mom - I didn't understand initially why she was so excited to purchase a roomba,
but now I see how it really adds value to her life. 4. You Parent Is Missing Payments and Bills
It's already hard enough for us younger adults to be on top of our bills and finances. It requires
a lot of cognitive effort. If you notice unpaid bills or that your parents are missing payments
that they had no problem with before, you want to pay attention. Not only are they doing harm
to their personal finances - late fees, lowering their credit score, even potential identity theft,
it could be a sign of cognitive decline or even depression. 5. You Parent Is Not Attending To His
or Her Medical Care Taking care of our medical and physical health is already challenging enough for
younger adults. For aging parents, this could be significantly more challenging. More medication.
More diet restrictions. More medical appointments. Due to the significant effort required,
they could neglect their doctor appointments or even their medication.
If you notice that your aging father or mother isn't taking their medical care seriously,
it could be a sign they need more help than they like to admit to. So, Now What? If after
watching this video and recognizing some of these warning signs with your aging parents,
you might want to rush out the door to start taking action. However, Don't. Stop. I want to let
you know that, despite all these challenges your aging parents have with living alone, the majority
of older folks living alone have a strong desire to maintain their independence. I mentioned my
wife's grandmother earlier. She found pride in the fact that she could live alone in her 80s and 90s.
As someone who raised many children and who survived through many challenging times - The
Japanese Occupation, The Korean War, Immigration to the United States in the 70s - she valued
her independence despite all the challenges. Before we go out and start proposing a solution,
we must be keenly aware and respect our aging parents' desire for independence.
Many fear being too dependent on others and, despite the loneliness, want to continue to
live alone. To help them through these times, we should help find a solution that maintains
their sense of independence. So Few Options to Consider and Discuss With Your Parents It's
difficult to have the talk with your mother or father about any difficulties they may be having,
as well as your concerns about them. You want to have a conversation with your parents about your
concerns before approaching them with a solution. This way, you find a workable solution together.
1. Your Parent Frequently Falls If your parent has fallen once, take it as a serious sign. Even
though they probably will not think it is serious. And they might not admit that they had a fall - my
wife's grandmother did not until my mother in law found her. If you suspect that there are frequent
falls, I would then strongly recommend giving them a medical alert system. They can wear them at all
times, even if they are living with a spouse or significant other. There are a lot of specific
fall detection devices in the market today. Even Apple Watch now has a “Fall Alert” option. 2.
Your Parent Has Become A Hermit Staying at home may be the only way for older people to achieve
comfort and security. However, staying at home too long can also lead to loneliness and eventually
depression. Maybe some of us can relate to, having experienced the COVID lockdown. A good
starting place is to start a routine of checking in and spending time together. And it doesn't
have to all be on you. You can create a rotating routine with your relatives, friends and neighbors
so someone is always checking in and connecting. 3. Your Parent's Home Is Messy And Unclean Keeping
the house clean and tidy is already hard enough for me. I can only imagine for aging parents.
The simplest solution is to hire some help to do it. These days you can find reliable
house cleaning services that can come in once every two weeks or every month at an affordable
price. Your parent might resist initially if they took pride in cleaning their own house.
But once they experience someone else doing these hard chores, they might come to appreciate it.
4. You Parent Is Missing Payments and Bills Create a routine to check your parent's mail and any
outstanding bills. However, the biggest lift you can do to help, is by automating their finances.
I have a video where I review Ramit Sethi's "I'll Teach You To Be Rich" where I cover some
fundamentals of automating your finances. Once you've systemized your financial system, you can
do the same for your parents so they aren't still paying their bills by check and they can even
check their balances online. 5. You Parent Is Not Attending To His or Her Medical Care For me, this
is the most concerning part of an aging parent living alone. Medical care gets more complex as
people age. It feels like there is always new medication, or new monitoring system that my
parents have to add to their list every year. I've come to take notes on my parent's health diagnosis
or specific medications so I can be a second eye to their medical care. We need to be careful not
to overstep your boundaries, but we can help them with basics like organizing their medicine
in a pillbox and marking their upcoming medical appointments on a large calendar and hang it where
it's easily visible. Conclusion It's a struggle to care for elderly parents that may fight you,
when your intentions are that you want to help them. Every adult values and wants independence.
It's a tough subject and there is no one right way to approach this situation. But I hope the
information I shared with you here can help you in some way, as we tackle this challenge as the
Sandwich Generation. Thank you guys for watching. If you found value from this video, please hit the
like button, leave a comment and subscribe to the channel so that you don't miss out on any
of my other upcoming videos. I firmly believe that being part of the Sandwich Generation doesn't have
to mean financial stress. With careful planning and preparation, we can thrive during this stage
of life. Help me spread the knowledge. Thank you again and I'll see you in my next video.