How can you tell when you're ready to date again after narcissistic abuse? If you've been in a romantic
relationship with a narcissist, you could be feeling a little bit upset about a lot of things and you might not be ready yet.
But how will you know when you are? Well, that's what Richard Grannon and I are talking about in today's video. So let's get started.
My name is Angie Atkinson and on this channel, I offer free daily video coaching to help you discover, understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships. I like to call it toxic relationship rehab.
So if that sounds good to you, hit that subscribe button
and we'll just get going. So how do you know when you're ready to move on and start dating people and after narcissistic abuse?
Well, we're going to start right here. I'm going to share with you exactly what Richard Grannon thinks is the key. Take a look. Real
movement where you can actually date again, what I have found is a lot of people who have cPTSD
who've experienced childhood have been announced abusive relationships if they don't get back with the original
narcissistic abuser, if they don't do the work,
they'll walk right out and find another one yep with a variation so they'll flip. They'll go "oh my last boyfriend. He was a covert
cerebral narcissist. So I got with this guy he seemed really confident. He was covert.
He was into sports and stuff, and then you know so we'll flip, we try different,
I've done the same thing. I tried different flavors of abusiveness
And but you know we're not dealing when you're not dealing with the core wounds
You're gonna be stuck. How do you know when you're ready for another relationship? I would say watch
how you are on the approach so as
you meet this person that you think you might want to get into another relationship with and as you start to get closer to them,
notice what it's doing to you. If you're inflamed
with emotional flashbacks and
neurotic twists of perception just by becoming closer and close to that other person then no you're not ready. For
example myself, I am single. I've been single for a while and I would assess in my own self
not just not ready. My own emotional literacy and self communication is high
so I can just look internally and go yeah, I don't feel like that's a good
that's that's gonna be a good thing for me.
So what people have to be honest with is if they're neurotically seeking to get with somebody to end their
isolation and to end the pain of loneliness then they're vulnerable to another
but abusive relationship.
And I think and tell me what you think I think it's okay to be single if you choose to remain single .
Now I think it's disgusting and it's a crime before God.
Yeah, you come you've got to become few with it. Yeah a lot of people really struggle with it.
They tell me that they they feel like you know I'm feeling really good about me and single
but I feel guilty because I think I should be.
That's close. That's codependency taken to another level. Ding ding exactly yeah.
feeling guilty, for feeling okay. Right.
Exactly. That's exactly what that is. Yeah all right. Now,
here's what I think. This is what I think very similar to what Richard thinks
but take a look.
How do you know that you're ready to date again after abuse?
Well first you need to feel healed enough to not compare the people you're dating to the narcissist at least not to the good parts
of the narcissist.
I mean
it's so easy to focus on what you loved about the narcissist after spending time apart.
So often when survivors meet a normal person they feel like their relationship
just isn't quite as exciting or
interesting as it was with the narcissist and
that's because a normal person doesn't always do the extreme highs and lows that a narcissist does and because our
dopamine receptors are sort of broken when we've been
abused. So you need to feel strong enough to recognize that and make up for it with intentional thought
management. You need to have taken the time to grieve the relationship appropriately and in most cases,
that'll take three months to a year depending
on the person of course, the situation that you're involved with. You also need to love yourself enough to
recognize and set boundaries that are comfortable and well enforced for yourself. For me, that involves a few
deal-breakers as in things I just absolutely don't tolerate and
would leave the relationship for if those things happened. In my case, that means cheating,
physical or verbal abuse and anything that would hurt my kids. Outside of that,
I figure we can talk about it and try to work through it. If those things happen though, there are no questions asked.
I'm out of there. Next you need to feel ready to meet someone new
but not desperate to do so. This way you can and you absolutely should take any
relationship slowly enough to get to know the person and discover any potential red flags. You know before you get too enmeshed in the situation
before you know it you know what I'm saying. Be aware that love at first sight is nearly impossible.
Be sure you're not feeling overly pessimistic,
cynical insecure, defeated, anxious, angry, martyred or still exploited because that's gonna cause a lot of
relationship issues for you as you move forward in your life.
You definitely want to be healed enough that you don't inadvertently try to make your next relationship
sort of make up for all the pain you experienced from the last one. If you try to day too soon,
you might find yourself being hyper-vigilant ready to catch any hint that the discard is coming
and you'll end up punishing someone who didn't do those things to you in the first place.
It's not their fault. This would sabotage any potentially successful couple from the start.
There are more videos on this topic for you in the cards and in the description below if you're interested.
So be sure to check those out.
Alright, this brings me to the question of the day and the question of the day is how did you know you were ready to date?
Are you dating yet? Have you been through narcissistic abuse, and you're thinking about this? What questions
do you have about dating after abuse? Share your thoughts, share your ideas, share your questions in the comments section below and
let's talk about it. And by the way if you need me to make additional videos on this, go ahead and leave those
requests below and I'll make sure to add them to my list okay. That's all I've got for you right now. As always,
thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life.
And hey, thanks for making me a part of yours. It really does mean a lot to me. I'll see you soon.
It's my mission to teach others what I know to be true.
You really can create the life you want. Take care of your body, take care of your soul.
Nurture the real you and introduce him or her to the world. Be comfortable in your own skin and in your place in this world.
Take your spot.
Take it now
and the universe will take its cue from you. You feel me? If so, subscribe to my channel. Let's get it done together.