Hey there.
This is Clay and today I'm going to tell you five signs that the Active No Contact Rule
is working.
You know, you're doing No Contact you're doing Active No Contact...
And it's actually working it's having an effect, and a lot of people will look to their ex
to know whether or not the No Contact was working.
They'll be like, "OK, well is my ex reaching out to me?
Is my ex calling me?
Is my ex telling me they miss me?
Is my ex trying to meet up for coffee or not?" and look to that to know if it's working.
But really what you should be doing is looking at yourself because, really, the reason you
want to do Active No Contact, the reason you want to do No Contact, is for yourself.
It's not for your ex, it's for yourself.
So the first sign that it's working is that you feel better on an emotional level.
You're not driven by emotions like neediness, like desperation, like loneliness, like anger,
or rage, or anything like that even, but you actually feel this calmness washing over you
that you can actually handle your life, that you're not in this sort of crisis or emergency
mode that, no matter what happens you can handle life and that you're a whole person,
in and of yourself.
The second sign is that you're doing new things with your life.
You're starting to move your life in a new direction, but you're not doing it just for
the sake of keeping busy, you not doing it just for the sake of distracting yourself
from what you're going through, you're doing it because you actually care about these things
that you're doing and you're actually taking your wife in a new direction, and that your
life is about growth and moving forward not just about keeping busy, not just about distracting
yourself, not just about putting on this act or facade to make your ex think that you're
doing things, but you actually are doing new things because you really care about it.
The third sign is that you actually love yourself...
You actually give a damn about your own life that you actually want your life to go well
and that you're not just kind of inflicting suffering on yourself, doing things that don't
really feel good just for the sake of getting some sort of distant goal in the future or
getting back together, but do you actually love your own life for your own self and you
actually give a damn about having the best life that you can for yourself, in this moment.
That is the third reason and the fourth sign is that you're spending more time focusing
on yourself that you're not not basing your life around your ex.
You're not sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring, afraid to go out and do something
for yourself because you're worried that they might call you back.
You know if you have left like 10 messages, or something like that, you're worried that
they might call you back and you might miss that chance to talk to them.
When you can let go of that feeling and when you can start living your life for yourself
and you can start focusing more on yourself, taking care of yourself, nourishing yourself
with healthy foods, exercising, just really loving yourself all the way to the core, then
that is another sign that No Contact is really working.
And the fifth sign that the No Contact Rule, the Active No Contact Rule, is working for
you, is that you know you no longer live in reaction to your ex.
If your ex says something painful or hurtful to you, you don't you don't have all of your
hopes dashed and crushed and you just spend the next several days sulking and feeling
like your chances are ruined.
I mean, of course if they say something bad about you you can feel bad about that.
That's fine.
But, it shouldn't absolutely devastate you and crush your entire world where you're living
in reaction to them.
We've mentioned this before, in some of the previous videos, but the ideal place to be
in is in response, where you can consciously choose what you do next rather than just automatically
reacting from a gut level emotional place, where you're driven by emotions like anger,
or fear, or loss, or sadness, or loneliness, or something like that.
So again when you can look at all five of these things, when you can start to look at
the big picture, you can see that the No Contact Rule is really about yourself.
It's really about helping yourself heal from the breakup so that you can move forward to
have either the best possible relationship with your ex, if the two of you get back together,
or with someone new when you're ready to move on and start that new chapter of your life.
Of course the No Contact Rule can help you present the best part of yourself to your
ex, but, obviously, there are no guarantees with this.
I can't give you some sort of secret psychological move that's going to give you a 100 percent
success rate, but doing the No Contact Rule for you will absolutely make your life better.
And, if you do get back in touch with your ex when you do that, they'll be able to see
that you're a better person and that will give you the best possible chance of saving
that relationship.
So if you'd like to read more about this and how to get back together with your ex please
head over to relationshipinnergame.com and sign up there.
Thanks.