Hi, I'm Kevin Eikenberry, and I'm here
to help you reach your potential as a leader and a human being.
Welcome to Remarkable TV and the Remarkable Leadership podcast.
If you happen to be watching on YouTube, make sure you click
the link below to subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes.
Today we're talking about the boxes that we put people in.
Are you ready?
Let's get started.
Boxes are awesome.
They are ways for us to carry things and move things.
They have sides.
They have tops, boxes are containers.
People, however, are not boxes.
This box is static.
You can get only so much volume in it and only so much weight in it.
That's why shippers like Amazon have boxes of all sizes
based on what needs to be carried, what needs to be moved.
People, though, can grow
and expand and move and strengthen.
People are not boxes.
So how is it that we actually put people in boxes?
Well, there are several ways, three big ways that I think of that
we put people in boxes first.
Stereotypes.
Stereotypes are boxes, right?
Whether it's gender or ethnical or political, we could go on and on.
We stereotype people and say, oh, that's the boxes they're in because
of the way they look or the way they talk or where they're from or whatever.
It's a box.
Second, we use labels
and we use labels to say
what people are doing and then label the people as such, right?
Well, they are doing that.
So they are that right.
They're positive, they're cranky, they're cynical.
They're whatever.
But the thing is that behaviors aren't people.
I might be late for a meeting, but does it make me always late?
That behavior is not necessarily who I am.
I'm not always late.
And lastly, we put people in boxes by using models.
Now, models are to simply to fully describe or define people.
A model is handy, but it's not the same as the real world.
So an example, one of our favorite models
is the disc model for human communication, our styles of communicating.
But the world is far more complex than decency, as valuable as those are.
That model, while helpful, doesn't
mean that a person is D, I, s or C,
but that they have those tendencies or those traits.
In fact, almost everybody will exhibit
at least some of all of those other traits one time or another.
But when we use the model to put them in a box, we make a mistake.
You see, in general, we put people in boxes.
When we generalize and generalize, ising is helpful at times
but is extremely dangerous as I've just described.
As humans, our brains are pattern recognizers.
We're looking for ways to create patterns to say, Oh, this is like that.
This reminds me of that. That's how our brains work.
And that's what leads us to boxes.
There's nothing wrong with the fact that we look for patterns
until we short circuit all that and just label
a person as x putting him in that box.
That's where the problem lies.
Okay, so we put people in boxes.
How do we solve the problem?
What are the solutions?
Well, I've got three solutions for you today that will help you right away.
And in the long term, number one, be aware of the tendency.
It's a human tendency to overgeneralize.
It's a human tendency to search for patterns and start labeling
or boxing people in. Be aware. Being aware.
The tendency is the first step to not letting it be what we always do.
It might be our automatic first place, but doesn't mean we have to end there
in our mind.
Second notice the boxes others are using.
I'm not suggesting that we judge.
Other people say, Oh, there, there they are boxing people in again.
I'm not suggesting that.
But what I am suggesting is when we notice it in the world
and it's everywhere,
we become more aware of the tendency ourselves.
And when we see it in others and see that it's not very helpful or healthy,
then it will help us step back, pump the brakes on it a little bit more.
Notice the boxes others are using not to judge,
but as an observing tool so that we can avoid it ourselves.
And lastly, know the difference.
Know the differences between behaviors
and decisions that people make and the people themselves.
There's a difference between what someone does and who they are.
Between the behavior and the behavior, they're not the same.
Whether we love the behavior or disapprove of the behavior.
That's not who the person is.
When we short circuit that and put them in a box, it doesn't help anybody.
Let me close with today's tweet.
Putting people in boxes doesn't help you or them.
Besides, you don't want others putting you in a box, do you?
Well, before we go today, I mentioned something earlier called
the DISC assessment.
If you are familiar with DISC or would like to learn more about
how to understand tendencies, not boxes in communication styles,
you can learn more by going to the link that you see here.
I hope you'll do that and I hope to be back next week
for another episode of Remarkable TV and the Remarkable Leadership podcast.