Low points, dark times.
Many of us have been there.
You know, my marriage falling
apart for Jasmine Taylor,
juggling 3 kids in the midst of a divorce.
Alcohol eventually became a coping
mechanism. She was unraveling. And then.
My girls were struggling. I was
struggling and my youngest was only
2 1/2 when I found out I was pregnant.
A crisis pregnancy
and I didn't even have room
in my vehicle for another car
seat panic. It felt like
parenting wasn't an option. Some
of her family members suggested abortion.
It was something that I.
I tried to to consider,
but something I could never
personally go through with.
Adoption became the natural solution.
Had support from family, had support
from the church that I was going to
Jasmine. Started the process, but
something in my gut. Told me that.
There was more to the story.
She found a Facebook group for birth moms.
I was kind of expecting to find, you know,
other birth moms who would, you know,
kind of link arms with me and tell me
that everything's going to be OK and I
found the complete opposite. Stories
of regret and lifelong shame, grief.
Just hearing that.
Other side of the story that.
I had never heard growing up,
you know, I've never, I never
heard the term adoption trauma.
Jasmine was already working with an adoption
agency that was helping pay her rent.
It's kind of like a carrot on a stick,
like instead of helping.
These people, these women who
are facing any type of crisis,
pregnancy or, you know,
in an unplanned situation,
instead of helping them financially,
we are fundraising 50, sixty,
$70,000 for these adoptions.
There are approximately 36
couples waiting to adopt any
given infant that's available.
Renee Galen gave her son
up for adoption 10 years
ago. I ended up reaching out for
the wrong help and the adoption
agency was not interested in really
giving me full options counselings.
Her regret led her to create the nonprofit
organization Saving Our Sisters,
aimed at giving pregnant women considering
adoption a nonbiased scope of the
choice she considers pre birth matching.
Between birth mom and potential
adoptive parents, a grooming tactic,
you know, not just the pre birth
matching but also they'll pay expenses.
So if you're struggling,
let's you know, pay your rent
or let's make your car payment,
or let's get you some food or
let's get you some clothes.
More than a decade ago,
Renee said she was a single mom
struggling with mounting debt when
she found out she was pregnant.
She had lousy insurance and
her boyfriend didn't have
the money to cover expenses.
I felt like I was
playing this game of beat the clock.
Adoption became the answer. That decision
was completely based on fear. She
had C-section signed the papers and then
I watched them strap him into their car.
It was really tough.
That's a tough memory.
Yeah.
So she can sign in at the hospital
if the discharge paperwork
has been signed or 48 hours.
And that's a huge rush.
It really is. I mean,
when I first started doing this.
They, the agency would wait
30 days before they would get
a birth mother's consent.
Mary Lou Miller Wagstaff has been an adoption
attorney in Florida for 40 years, but
I've heard that Florida
is an adoption friendly state.
They say that. What does that mean?
I think that's a good question.
I don't know what they mean by that
because we have very strict requirements
that have to be followed by the statute.
According to American Adoptions
of Florida, the average cost of
adoption is between 60 and $65,000.
I know some are 50 to 75,000.
I have heard that there are some
agencies in the southern part of
the state, Southeastern primarily,
that are as much as 100,000.
Where does that money go? Agency fees?
Prospective birth mother expenses?
Social workers? Attorneys.
Technically, under the Florida Statute,
we're only supposed to be charging
5000, so we have to explain
to the court. Why it's higher
Miller Wagstaff has worked with the
same adoption agency for years,
where she says social workers offer
birth mothers unbiased support.
I have never had a sense that
they are doing the grooming
that you're talking about.
Would it surprise you if that's
happening in other agencies?
It would not at all. Unfortunately,
there's a lot of vested interest in
making sure that process goes through,
and that's oftentimes why it's a
lot of times difficult for a mother
to unwind that adoption process.
Nathan Vinning is a family law
attorney based in Indiana.
He's represented birth mothers who
changed their mind about adoption.
When a mother oftentimes
chooses to revoke that consent,
there's a lot of roadblocks in the way.
For instance, they have trouble getting
access to the paperwork they signed.
Sometimes there's almost intimidation
in terms of you're going to have
to pay all these fees back,
and there's even access to the courts.
It's hard to file a motion to
contest the adoption without being
able to find an attorney that
even does that kind of law,
or even have the funds available
to hire an attorney.
It was so stressful.
Renee said she had agreed to
an open adoption. Technically,
until the adoptee reaches the age
of adulthood, they are closed.
I have no recourse.
I have no legal recourse.
I am a legal stranger.
Heartache for so many.
Like the couple on the other side.
Desperate to be parents,
you know? That's exactly why we
say that pre birth, matching,
pre birth, anything should not happen.
They are just as vulnerable
as an expectant mom.
They want a baby so bad.
And that they should not be set up.
And that's a setup in my opinion.
And that was the first time in my life
that I had faced something that I couldn't
do what I thought I could do. Mary
Lou adopted her son and
daughter 40 plus years ago.
I remember when
we got the call about my son
and I was so excited about it,
I forgot to ask the social worker,
how's the birth mother?
I still periodically will
feel guilty about that.
Renee lives with guilt
of her own. The what if?
I'm always thinking about him.
You don't forget your kids.
She married her son's dad.
They had a daughter years later.
No, I just. I keep going and.
Keep hoping that he'll
be proud of you one day.
Sorry.
But it's tough, you
know. Jasmine never went
through with the adoption.
His name is Kingston. He is the
most energetic, sweet, tender boy.
He's 4 now and splits time
between his mom and dad.
He loves his sisters so much.
He loves animals. He is.
An amazing addition to our family.
She too lives with a what if of her own?
Now I'm going to cry.
Every year on his birthday,
I always think, like,
I almost didn't get this,
but he almost could have
been somewhere else.
It's not perfect.
Coparenting and navigating
stuff like that is not easy,
but what in life really is?
It just shouldn't happen if
a birth mother does not
get adequate counseling.
Liz Crawford, 10, Tampa Bay.