- Hey what's up guys it's Tahir Moore
and I'm rep'n for the best appetizer
and it is none other than the egg roll.
- No, no, no, no, no no no no no.
(laughter)
And I'll be the judge of this.
- Nah, nah, sit, get your healthy ass
(laughter)
- He didn't let you have any. (laughs)
(Jazz music)
(Greeting in a foreign language) I'm Patrick Cloud and--
- [Doboy] Whoa, what did you just say?
- [Patrick] I said (greeting in foreign language)
- You were a full anime character right there.
Nihou - (Greeting)
My name is Patrick Cloud and I am rep'n pot stickers
or dumplings,
- [Doboy] No! Boo! Boo boo boo.
- As the best appetizer in this episode.
- No, no it's not.
That's not even an argument. - Can you boo me after?
- Hey, (beep) Could not even get his opening statement out.
- What up? - You ain't funny.
- That's the best thing guys, I'm not!
- What up men it's your boy Doboy
and I'm here arguing for the illest and the best
appetizer in the world, don't at me
we're not gonna have this conversation.
- [Patrick] Mozzarella hips.
- Mozza--
(laughter)
- What up ya'll it's your boy Deazy here,
letin' you know why nachos
is the best appetizer.
- [Kevon] Cause you're the black beans.
(laughter)
- You never believe anything!
- He didn't believe it you heard it in his voice!
- Wassup y'all? I'm back! I'm back!
And I got the best appetizer, hands down,
ain't nobody mess with it, I'm like
leap years ahead of the evening, ey! I'm sayin'!
I'm tellin' you!
- Precious, you sound like a rapper (mock rap)
spittin his dip on them hoes. - Spittin' dip on them hoes.
- Blueberry cake donuts on these hoes, what!
- I'm tellin' you though for real,
I'm vouchin' for this one y'all.
Spinach dip! Yeah! - No. No. No!
- Are you gonna tell us why?
- This is not gonna fill you up, however
it will set you up for the real, you know what I'm sayin, D?
- You sound like a preacher!
What up y'all it's your boy Kevonstage
finna tell you why buffalo wings is the
best appe-tizo on the planet. Ya feel me?
First of all, every appetizer place has buffalo wings.
Some have 'em spicy, some have buffalo sauce,
some have 'em naked.
And you also have whole wing spots.
Wing Stop has it, Louisiana rub,
lemon pepper is my favorite, y'also got Pizza Hat
has a wing place.
- Pizza Hat? Pizza Hat? - Pizza Hut has a wing place.
Also even when you order pizza from a pizza delivery place,
throw some wings on that!
Throw some wings on it for your boy! Papa John...
- And that's why it's not the best appetizer.
- Perfect. - Why?
- Cause wings are delicious, we can all agree. But!
- Thank you, case closed, we all agree.
- But, it is an appetizer for fat people.
It's a whole meal that you disguise as a pre-meal
by just having less of them.
- Yes!
- And wings is-- - That's how I like my apps.
- I like to sneak two meals in
and make it socially acceptable.
- It's just a small meal. That's like,
give me some Steak-Umms as an appetizer.
That is a full meal. - Steak-Umms?
- What's a Steak-Umms?
- Just little steaks. - Oh. (laughs)
- The egg roll is so phenomenal
because you can get just about anything you want
in an egg roll.
You can get beef egg rolls, - Nutella
- you can get chicken egg rolls,
You can get-- (laughter)
Nutella egg rolls! - Cream cheese!
- It's true! - You get a vegetable egg roll
there's an egg roll for every type of person that eats,
unless, unless! Unless, you're vegan, and you don't do
the stuff that the crust is made out of, but however,
the egg roll is flawless! - No!
- But, but let me tell you this.
What restaurant allows you
to make that many variations of an egg roll?
- They don't! They either had 'em nasty (beep) with the corn
- There's always one type of egg roll you get.
- The best egg rolls, they're Jack in the Box.
- First of all-
- Two! Two! They never give you enough!
It's an appetizer, appetizers are supposed--
- That was the most ratchet thing
I've ever heard in my life!
- But try! But try!
- The best ones is Jack in the Box!
- You need a fat Asian dude named Kim
in the restaurant makin this.
If you at Chili's with a dude named Todd
on the egg rolls, that don't even match!
You gotta go to the right spots.
- Bang for your buck dumplings don't do nothing though.
Pay 8.99 for two dumplings be like fam--
- That depends on where you go if you go to like
a hole in the wall Chinese spot they'll give you a lot.
And Dim Sum they just keep bringing it to you.
- But you got to pay for those every time they come.
- I mean you gotta pay for this luxurious life.
- But if you pay for wings you get 12 wings and a celery.
- That's some happy hour ass (beep)--
- Yeah we are, what's wrong with that?
What's wrong with that?
If you wanna eat good, sometimes
you gotta pay a little bit more for it.
Where you get your eyebrows done at?
You can get 'em done at the gas station over on Fig,
but you don't! - I don't.
Cause eyebrows will make or break you.
- That's what you gotta do for food.
- Why don't you pay a little more
for a jacket you can zip up then?
- You talking like you didn't
stand up here and defend hot dogs.
- I dress for the way I feel, not for the way I am.
(laughter)
- Ooh, that look like that some cold ass cheese.
- I know it's cold!
- That's some bull(bleep)!
- They're like Little Caesars Hot n Ready Pizzas,
you got about a minute and a half to eat 'em
from the time they drop them off at your table,
if you go back to the bathroom and come back they're trash.
- Once again you're making my point for me, Kevin.
- And you don't got no marinara,
you don't got no kind of sauce--
- Mozzarella sticks are a metaphor for life.
- [Precious] You need a sauce.
- If you don't get in there and get it fast
while it's hot it's over! You might as well not show up.
- I got a drink, all I need is a little spinach dip,
- [Crowd] Amen! Amen!
- These some big ass chips, but you know what I'm sayin,
- [Patrick] Tell it sis tell it!
- Little of that. Take your gum out.
- [Tahir] Ha! This is so hood I love it.
- Let me tell you why I can't get with it though.
Spinach lied to me.
I used to always eat spinach thinking
I was gonna get strong and it never happened.
- Why did you believe that cartoon?
I don't respect boneless wings.
Those are chicken tenders. Don't call 'em boneless wings.
There's wings, and then there's chicken tenders.
They ain't boneless wings. You ain't a man.
If you eat boneless wings, you ain't even a woman
if you eat boneless wings.
You're a child!
- Hey the FDA let's you use rat meat for boneless wings.
- What?
- You should always have the bone in.
- Really?
- You could be eatin a splinter. A master splinter.
- We goin' for what's good.
You got one life in this form. Eat good.
Eat pork, eat unhealthy, live your life, man!
You can't be hearing your conscience about it.
- Live your life for all 43 years
that you're gonna be able to, cause cholesterol
- I went out with a bang!
- and high blood pressure are gonna take your boof ass out.
- Soup dumplings, on another level. Literally.
You bite into it, and it's like broth in there,
with pork meat, small pork bits,--
- The broth is in the dumpling?
the broth is in the dumpling.
And it's seasoned to perfection. It is amazing.
- Who here has got an erection?
- Yeah you're getting sexually excited right now. Relax.
- It's Ah-may-zing.
- Tahir, Can you put your pants on--
- No!
- If not just give 'em to me.
Give 'em to me!
- Mozzarella sticks be lit, they bring em out get to it.
Eat 'em now. Ain't no time to have small talk.
No conversation, dip it--
- Appetizers are literally for small talk and conversation.
The appetizers hit your thing you're like aight, go!
- Everybody shut up!
- Take the naked chips from the bottom,
you can use this at home guys, Kev I know you like this.
Take it, throw it on top of whatever you about to grab,
take the chip from the bottom and you grab just all of that.
- [Kevin] Make a little nacho sandwich.
- It's like a little nacho sandwich.
- Here's the thing though, you gotta have
like we said, the right cheese,
it can't be the movie theater cheese,
but it can't just be shredded cheese
put in the oven to melt either. It has to be--
- It coalesces too much.
- The Mexican cheese, that has...
cause even when it gets cold you can still stir it up.
- In a can.
- Yeah, not the one that gets cold and hard,
even when it's cold--
- I told y'all he be having an erection.
- You gotta mix that though with that big block.
You gotta have that big Kraft block.
- You gonna get nachos pregnant?
- This is what the nachos sees through the microwave window.
Tahir like this.
- Yeah! Yeah! (growling)
- What you do is you put the whole wing
in your mouth and you clean it in there.
And bring it out too. Bang, done!
- This whole time I've been eating flats
like corn on the cob, like this way.
- Are you serious? - Aw c'mon man be a man!
- Leave here!
(laughter)
- Leave here!
You was nibblin'! You church mouse!
- I think he just pulled a Tyree Elaine
The egg roll is fire by itself.
- [Doboy] Let us try one then!
- But when you hit--
- I want one!
I don't wanna hear anything else til I can have one!
(laughter)
Give me one!
- When you hit 'em with the sweet and sour sauce?
Oh my God!
- That's the one thing I was gonna say
- [Crowd] The sauce!
- The sweet and sour sauce is like
Chik-fil-a nuggets without their sauce.
When you put them together, it's hard to beat,
but separate, I have an argument.
- Dry egg rolls is a little tough,
but egg rolls always come with a fire sauce.
Sometimes it's that, and sometimes it's
the little liquid with the chili flakes in it.
- Woo! Oh, *beep* God the little liquid is the *beep*.
- What you know about chili flakes, huh?
- I'll give it to you, that was funny.
- Oh, you thought I didn't know the cheese that
your momma make in the Crock Pot,
(sounds of agreement)
she cook up that ground beef, put that Velveeta in there,
let that sit, throw the Rotel in there,
and then you get you a nice bowl.
- This is my inherent problem that
I have with nachos as an appetizer.
Normally, at restaurants they have really weak chips.
The chips are weak! So when you put them in nachos--
- You find the lamest excuse.
- They break really easy.
- No those are real chips, they really make them.
- Right but they're not built for nachos though.
- Here's the thing though if you go to a Mexican restaurant,
nachos are no longer an appetizer.
It's a meal. Chips are strong. Like your back.
- Honestly, I don't know if we've
had any episodes like this,
but this is honestly one of those episodes
where it's very clear that we all like everything.
- We were all fighting but I got nothing.
(jumbled agreement)
- Usually, usually you can make a point for something,
but I am a big fan of every appetizer on this panel.
- [Precious] Just being honest man.
- Spinach dip is what I eat when I lie to myself
and say that I wanna eat better.
- There you go. - You feel like you are?
- It's basically healthy nacho cheese.
- It's important to make you think--
- I have never had a food that
makes me dance as much as Precious has.
- [Kevin] Precious has just started
twerking a little while ago.
- [Deezy] She did! On that first bite
she started twerking a little bit.
- [Kevin] Twerk for a spinach dip!
- Chicken is good but this outfit, Kevin. (laughs)
- Come on it's a vibe Precious, you know what's goin' on!
- You like the new age No Limits Soldier--
♪ No Limits Soldier ♪
♪ I thought I told ya ♪
- If you were a rapper you'd be E. Porky.
- Door. Door.
- You look like you sell skiis.
- Oh he did not take the door he took the chicken wing!
- He hit that hard left to the wing station! Oh!
- And then broke the chair!
- That one bite of wing was the difference
between a working chair, and that.
That chair was like "No! No! No!"
- That's funny.
- I'll take all of those,
but they got nothin' for these egg rolls though.
- That's why you can't zip the jacket,
cause of all the egg rolls you've been eating!
- (mocking) That's why he can't zip the jacket up
cause of all the wings!
Shut up.
(laughter)
In closing, egg rolls are the best appetizer
- [Patrick] Tahir sleeps in egg roll wrap.
(laughter)
- It's a hyperbaric chamber.
- Nachos are the best appetizer, it's sharable,
Pat led that, led my argument into that.
[Pat] There's gotta be something bad about these.
- That can start conflicts too, cause if someone takes one
with too many toppings you'd be like "fam".
- You know how many people he's fought over nachos?
- You set your happy hour ass up!
- Nigga so you just gonna take the only avocado?
- There's a lot of chicken and cheese on that chip fam.
- And that was his date.
Punched his date square in the mouth.
In conclusion, the best appetizer on the menu,
depending on where you are,
is the dumpling in all forms under that.
- And Tahir's, nevermind not gonna do it.
- Go ahead. - No it's gonna be bad.
- Not yet, let's let him do this.
- We're all waiting.
- You always ruin my outros, just go ahead and do it.
- Tahir's nickname is dumpling.
(laughter)
(calm jazz)