>> Stephen: BUT OF COURSE TONIGHT WAS REALLY ALL ABOUT
VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MIKE PENCE.
(LAUGHTER) WHAT YEAR IS IT?
(LAUGHTER) OKAY.
PENCE IN HIS SPEECH WASTED NO TIME PRAISING DONALD.
>> HE'S A MAN KNOWN FOR A LARGE PERSONALITY, A COLORFUL STYLE
AND LOTS OF CHARISMA.
AND SO I GUESS HE WAS JUST LOOKING FOR SOME BALANCE ON THE
TICKET.
>> Stephen: YES.
YES, HE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
HE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
(APPLAUSE) ADDING PENCE REALLY BALANCES THE
TRUMP TICKET.
CRAZY BORING 2016.
(APPLAUSE) BUT AS A FAMILY VALUES
CONSERVATIVE, PENCE HAD ONE WARNING.
>> HISTORY TEACHES US THAT WEAKNESS AROUSES EVIL.
>> Stephen: YES.
WEAKNESS AROUSES EVIL.
AND AMERICA MUST BE STRONG OR WE'LL BE SURROUNDED BY EVIL
BONERS.
YOU KNOW, AND PENCE-- (APPLAUSE)
WEAKNESS, WEAKNESS IS THE VYING RA OF EVIL.
AND THEN PENCE LAID OUT HIS CREDENTIALS.
>> I'M A CHRISTIAN, A CONSERVATIVE AND A REPUBLICAN,
IN THAT ORDER.
>> Stephen: YES, IN THAT ORDER.
FOURTH I'M A LIST MAKER, FIFTH I'M A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE HE FORE
GOT TO BE AN ASTRONAUT.
AND SIXTH, SIXTH, I'M A TACKLING DUMBEE IN A SUIT.
BRING IT OUT HERE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, SIR.
WE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT PENCE'S BACKGROUND.
HIS FAMILY, HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND BELIEFS.
NO QUESTION WAS LEFT UNANSWERED EXCEPT FOR ONE.
WHO'S MIKE PENCE AGAIN?
(LAUGHTER) WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, I'LL TELL
YOU, FOLKS, GOVERNOR MIKE PENCE WAS BORN IN COLUMBUS, INDIANA
ONE MORNING WHEN I BELIEVE LIGHTNING STRUCK A JAR OF
MAYONNAISE.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
I'M BEING UPSTAGED BY AN INANIMATE OBJECT OVER THERE, I
CAN'T ARE THAT.
AS A CHILD PENCE WAS AN OVERACHIEVER WHO WAS ONCE EVEN
AWARDED A TROPHY FOR BEST DENIM JUMP SUIT.
AND PENCE WILL BE A GREAT VICE PRESIDENT BECAUSE HE ALWAYS HAD
BIG IDEAS.
FOR INSTANCE, IN 2001 HE WROTE AN OP ED SAYING DESPITE THE
HYSTERIA FROM THE POLITICAL CLATION AND THE MEDIA, SMOKING
DOESN'T KILL.
WHY?
BECAUSE TWO OUT OF EVERY THREE SMOKERS DOES NOT DIE FROM A
SMOKING-RELATED ILLNESS.
IT'S TRUE.
NO, IT'S TRUE.
SMOKING DOESN'T KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T COUNT THE PEOPLE WHO DIED
FROM SMOKING.
JUST 33%.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST SMOKING.
IT IS NOT JUST SMOKING, FOLKS.
PENCE HAD HIS EYE ON ANOTHER ISSUE OF NATIONAL IMPORTANCE.
THE MOVIE MULAN.
IN 1999 HE PENNED ANOTHER OP ED CLAIMING THE FILM WAS TOO
POLITICAL, SAYING QUOTE, SOME MISS CHIEFOUS LIBERAL AT DISNEY
ASSUMES THAT MULAN'S STORY WILL CAUSE A QUIET CHNG IN THE NEXT
GENERATION'S ATTITUDE ABOUT WOMEN IN COMBAT.
OH, HE'S RIGHT, NO, IT'S SUBTLE BRAIN WASHING.
THE SAME WAY DISNEY IS KNOWN FOR PROMOTING HUMAN ANIMAL HYBRIDS,
PLURAL MARRIAGE AND BESTIALITY.
(APPLAUSE) BE OUR GUEST, BE OUR GUEST.
(APPLAUSE) (LAUGHTER)
IN 2015 PENCE IGNITED A FUROR WHEN HE SIGNED INDIANA'S
RELIGIOUS FREEDOM RESTORATION ACT WHICH ALLOWED BUSINESSES TO
DISCRIMINATE AGAINST LGBT PATRON-- PATRONS BUT HE WAS JUST
FOLLOWING THE OLD SAYING, THE CUSTOMER'S ALWAYS STRAIGHT.
NOW A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE SAYING, I DON'T CARE ABOUT
MIKE PENCE.
INCLUDING DONALD TRUMP.
BUT IF TRUMP AND PENCE WIN, YOU WILL CARE ABOUT PENCE BECAUSE
THERE IS HUGE VICE PRESIDENTIAL NEWS JUST OUT TODAY.
YOU SEE, WHEN TRUMP WAS VETTING OHIO GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH AS A
POSSIBLE RUNNING MATE, HIS SON, DONALD TRUMP, JR., ASKED
GOVERNOR KASICH, DID HE HAVE ANY INTEREST IN BEING THE MOST
POWERFUL VICE PRESIDENT IN HISTORY.
WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING SINCE WE HAVE ALREADY HAD A VICE
PRESIDENT WHO WAS HALF MACHINE AND GOT AWAY WITH SHOOTING
PEOPLE IN THE FACE.
(APPLAUSE) AND APPARENTLY WHEN KASICH'S
ADVISOR ASKED HOW THIS WOULD BE THE CASE, DONALD, JR. EXPLAINED
THAT HIS FATHER'S VICE PRESIDENT WOULD BE IN CHARGE OF DOMESTIC
AND FOREIGN POLICY.
THEN WHAT, THE ADVISOR ASKED, WOULD TRUMP BE IN CHARGE OF.
MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
NOW I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE, A LOT OF YOU OUT THERE THINK TRUMP
ISN'T QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT.
WELL, ISN'T IT COMFORTING TO KNOW THAT DONALD TRUMP AGREES WITH YOU.